Is using proper titles in social situations pretentious?
 

In today's paper, there was a fluff column about doctors who insist on using their proper title even in social situations.

I'm friends with a doctor, and I call her by her first name in social situations. When I'm visiting a doctor, I probably call them Dr. So And So, but usually I don't address them by name because they are the only other one in the room, and if I'm talking, it must be to them.

In this column, they had this amusing bit:
So my question is, should doctors be addressed with their proper title in social situations? Have they earned that courtesy after going through the long and difficult process of becoming a doctor? Or do we all put our pants on one leg at a time, and they should just be called Mr. or Mrs. So And So?

In a professional setting, I can them Dr., if they let me know that they are a dr. If I only know them socially, I call them by their first name.

The ones who correct you if you don't call them Dr. are usually not someone I would socialize with, anyway.

We make a big deal out of the title "Professor" for our undergrads, but our grad students call most of us by first name. It signals the transition from student to colleague.

In social settings, anybody who insists on a formal title is an ass.

Please call me Generallissimo Doctor Major Poobah Infinite Monkey. kthx.

I see this as an issue of rank and self importance. the AMA is essentially an exclusive guild. Had the trades in this country kept up with guilds, there'd be no DIY shops and doctors would address tradesmen as Master and Journeyman.

I know I am an equal in every regard to any doctor in my field of expertise. In my mind I am a peer if not a colleague. I usually call docs by thir first name unless they are much older than, in which case I call them Mr. (Just kidding)

I suspect that her idea of a "social situation" is a formal cocktail party thrown by some rich dude who barely knows half his guests. If she makes the other moms at the soccer game call her "Dr. Choa"... well then I'd imagine it's not an issue, since they won't actually talk to her.

I just Googled her. She's older. So I can understand if she's Chinese and an older generation, she's going to have different attitudes. For what it's worth, I never heard of the medical school she attended. I wouldn't be bragging about being superior if I went to medical school in the tropics.

I've met people for whom what they do for a living IS who they are. It's especially true of those who have forsaken other relationships in their devotion to a profession. If they want to be called by their title, I don't begrudge them that.

Yet for others, I may whimsically combine names and titles like ... glattiator!

I wonder if sex counts as a social situation?

Only at a gang-bang or bukkake video shoot.

And if wine and cheese are served, it's most definitely a social situation.

STDs are referred to as social diseases, if that helps to clarify.

Glatt. The glatt meister. Glattiator. Making copies. Glatt...

it depends. "in social situations" covers a lot of ground. In formal written correspondence, for formal events, a courtesy title, whether it's Mr., Ms., or Dr. is expected. In less than formal encounters, it still depends. Depends on setting, on age, on the amount of respect the addressor wishes to convey.

For an addressee, in the United States, it's almost always pretentious to insist on being addressed with a courtesy title.

If everyone is being addressed with a title (ms/mr/professor/whatever) then those who have earned a dr title should be addressed as such (be it medical or academic). But if the general protocol is first names, then hell no. I imagine she's talking about professional social gatherings -she probably doesn't do any other type.

Child's piano concert? Well if you're schmoozing, then yes, but if you're just being friends, then no.

But you should never address a Dr as a Mr or Mrs if titles are the theme of the day -especially not the Mrs thing. Mrs means belonging to Mr. Most women who have worked hard to earned the title Dr. will have an objection to that -especially if they didn't change their last name.

Of course, I could be unrepresentative of the sample, but I get major pissed if you address me formally and know I have a doctorate and still call me Mrs. I can forgive you if you don't know -as many don't because I don't work- and I won't even correct you (unless you really piss me off), but if you know, I take it as an insult and I will never tend to you if you have a heart attack in public and I'm the only Dr in the house ;)