I wish for something magical.


Good health, love and good sex can feel like a life blessed but I mean something really magical. The last time I experienced magic I smoked peote. That was like....a looooong time ago. * slump* ( I wish for good health) Send me your wishes.

You are magically transformed into a very healthy turtle. As you cross a road, a car crushes you.....splat!

I wish for peace on earth and goodwill for all.

Granted, but nobody likes a smartass (and who else would make a wish like that?), and so in the spirit of goodwill you are lynched.

I wish I could, somehow, go see the July 3rd, 1973 David Bowie concert at the Hammersmith Odeon. The last show as Ziggy Stardust, ever.

You are so excited at the prospect of seeing the concert that you carefully prepare for just the right level of *high* as Bowie walks onto the stage. However, you calculate based on your youthful tolerance levels, and your adult self sees the entrance, and promptly passes out.

I wish that I had the perfect ham sandwich.

Poof the perfect ham sandwich appears in your hand , but You find your self in Bagdad with an angry crowd around you , seems you appeared in the middle of an extream insurgents meeting , there you are a woman with OUT a head cover , AND with a HAM sandwich !!! Just how much ammo DO You carry ???


I wish that I could win the $114 Mil Powerball lotto .

You do win! But due to a computer error so do 113 million other people. This leads to the largest class-action suit in history, and 5 years later after the lawyers have taken their cut, your share is $1.53.


I wish I could train T'Pau, Queen of the Universe, to use the toilet and flush it like the cat in Meet the Parents.

You receive the Meet The Parents DVD as a gift and repeatedly watch the sequence of the cat using the toilet with T'Pau. Spontaneously, T'Pau starts using and flushing the toilet all by herself. One day, you notice that all the toilet's contents have not flushed properly and there are tiny bags of an unknown substance left in the bowl. You finally realize how T'Pau became Queen of the Universe!

I wish that I could watch a grudge match between Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld.

Bam - your wish is granted. Unfortunately, the grudge match is over which one gets you as their prison bitch while serving out life terms at Gitmo.

I wish i could get this stale cigar taste out of my mouth.

You look over your shoulder, and suddenly two beautiful, Amazon women are forcing you to the floor. While one holds you down, the other urinates into your mouth.

I wish I had a nickel for every time someone said something stupid to me.

aww :sniff: I hate contradictions. You'll be given an assignment in a tropical jungle. There you are to bring good will to the natives. Unfortunate for you the natives lop off your head,boil it to shrink and tie your mouth shut so you can't lie anymore.

...the end :sniff: ......such a sad story too.

A truck full of nickels leaving the mint loses control and drives off of a bridge and falls onto you, severing your legs & removing your genitalia. Ironically your pay-out from the initial compensation from the government is the exact amount of the nickles, which matches the number of times people have said stupid things to you. It was a big truck.

I wish for a magical rainbow beer fountain... each fount is a different brew from lager to stout.

Boom a beautiful beer fountin , 1 problem , ,,, its all USED beer !!!


I wish I had a porsche

Fine.... you got one, filled with my beer.

I want a vacation.

*poooof* you arrive at your isolated beach shack with full babysitting facilities....but the travel agent neglected to tell you of the giant monitor lizard problem!! You spend the entire week fighting off an infection which turns to gangrene and well...you get the rest.

I want a packet of TimTams that never runs out.

You're walking on the beach in New Zealand a tambourine, and devil, and a magic lamp appears in the sand. You pick up the lamp up, rub it off and a blue gin appears in a puff of (smoke of your choice) with a bottomless package of Tin Tams but we know you are only going for unlimited Tim Tams for the alcolhol content, and only wished for Tim Tams/not (rehab)spin-dry so you wonder aimlessly on the beaches of New Zealand, drunk on Tim Tams, and banging your tambourine for Tazzies...

I wish I was a mermaid