Well, This is Going to be a Lousy Situation
 

Got a text from Selene tonight, asking me to run by the house. I've been staying at Tree Fae's place for the past few days at her request, so Selene could have some privacy with her boyfriend.

I walked in the front door, and everything that could not be reasonably described as belonging to me was gone.

Here's the note...


Patrick:

I'm gone. I have been planning this move for months - starting back when I gave Bridgid away. I knew I could not keep her in an apartment as it

wouldn't be fair to her. I'm glad she has found a good home with you and Leslie.

I have followed a plan that was developed by myself and my attorney for the past several months. There are some things you should be made aware

of:

1. All accounts with (our bank) have been shut down.
2. Clifton has moved as well.
3. Clifton and I have new cell phones so you can cancel our cell lines.
4. MOrtgage has not been paid since Sept.
5. Utilities have not been paid since Sept.
6. Luna is with me. Other animals are still with you.
7. Divorce papers are in the process.

None of this has been done with malice. I felt that you just wouldn't let me go. It is important to me that you understand that (her boyfriend)

came into this plan very late in the game. He is not the reason I have left and was a total surprise in my life.

I truly wish nothing but the best for you. Tell Leslie to take good care of you.

Donna

At least things were fair for the dog.

Wow "Spode that sure was a kick in the nads! :(

Are you ok Els? Did you expect this at all in any way? Do you have enough support to get through this without totally losing the plot?

My heart goes out to you. That's a real bitch of a thing to do and a cowards way of going about it if you ask me.

xxx

I am now singing soprano.

I have tons of support. The most difficult things are that I'm trying to come to grips with how I in any way deserved to be treated this way, and how it is going to get rammed up my ass legally.

Well, I guess it's time to go shopping for a lawyer by the sound of things.

Have you tried calling her? You must be so angry. :(

I can't afford a lawyer...no way.

I've tried calling and texting, but our son tells me that her lawyer advised her to have no contact with me until the divorce is final.

As the note states, she's been planning this for some time. She is smart, meticulous, and utterly ruthless when she is able to rationalize that it is okay to be so. She is the most competitive person I've ever met, and will NOT tolerate losing...will not tolerate anything but an utter scorched earth, no one left standing outcome in her favor.

She has reasons for this...I just wish I had a clue what they are.

Ouch.

Ouch for the split, and ouch for the secret surprise and the lack of confidence it implies.

I am slow to criticise anyone for how they handle a break-up. Even the telling by note etc might be reasonable under some circumstances, but leaving a bunch of unpaid bills which are now overdue is just unfair.

Man-hugs to you Els. I have a lot of trouble believing that you deserved ANY of that.

She Can't Understand Normal Thinking.:mad:













Check's in the mail.

sign the papers and sue her for 1/2 the unpaid bills ,

Leslie (TF) and I have long been planning to move in together. As I've said, Selene and my split is nothing new...it just never occurred to me that it might come down in this way. I figured we would part amicably, figure out the finances, and continue to be friends with a shared family.

Apparently not. So, tomorrow I"m moving my shit out of my house and down the two blocks to Leslie's. For those keeping score, my new address will be:

11412 E 78th Terrace
Raytown, MO 64138

I probably won't get a postal forward going for a few days yet as I need to deal with the physical ramifications of the move first. Her house was already full, and even though I don't have all that much crap, it is still going to be a major ordeal to combine our households.

BTW, all other details remain the same. If you have my phone # or email addys, they're all still good and will be.

I apologize for being absent from this community for so long. I've made so many good friends here, and I do in fact keep in touch with many of you outside of this forum.

I still have a lot to learn about what comprises Life, Loyalty and Gratitude...but I am grateful that I can come here and share...and vent...and weep.

This is horrible, elsp. I am so sorry for you!

I am sure you didn't deserve to be treated this way. No one does. Why all the duplicity and why, I am wondering, the attorney would advise this course of action.

I'd be calling her attorney, since she laid half the nefarious plan at his/her feet, I would be asking, a great big WTF!

Oh Els. How awful. I think Zen has hit the nail on the head - it's one thing to sneak away because she thinks you "just wouldn't let her go", but the unpaid bills are just mean and not, IMHO the actions of a person who "truly wishes nothing but the best for you".
You have my every best wish. Is Clifton your son? Has she taken him away too?

I am told that the attorney will be contacting me. Wonder if I'm to be sued for the fees as well?

Clifton is my eldest stepson, who was living with us. He is 24, and of course must be supportive of his mother. If he wasn't, I'd smack him. By the same token, I doubt seriously if he wishes me any ill. I've already talked to his brother, our youngest stepson, who is livid over how this has been done, even though he understands her need to be apart from me.

Posting this because it is beautiful, truthful as only great music can be, and because it applies...to both Selene and myself.

It is probably worth noting that none of this is about another partner, really...but the concept of "running scared" certainly applies.

You must be in shock, Els.

After you get over the shock, you need to do what you can do to protect yourself. The unpaid bills thing is, as others have pointed out, just plain mean and stupid.

Sounds like Selene is acting out some Teenage Angsty Dream. I've seen this movie before. She may rue the day that she acted like such a bitch and garnered such bad karma for herself.

I've seen it - I've seen it many, many times. Hold your head up, Elspode.

More willl be revealed.

Oh ,'spode, im so sorry you and TF are going through this. I understand that it had to happen, but the way it was carried out was unnecessary.

I hope the financials sort themselves out, I can't see how she isn't liable for 50% of those bils?

Do you have a legal aid option over there? They say everyone is entitled to legal representation.

Hugs and supportive thoughts your way

xxx

Holy CRAP Patrick.

Just damn and WTF?


lolz at xoBruce

Wow! Elspode, I'm so sorry.

I never could wrap my mind around your arrangement, but it seemed to work for you both so well. You were both so open about what you were doing with other partners, and didn't hide anything. That's why this really shocks me. It's so incredibly malicious!

THe mortgage and untilities unpaid are the thing. Are you walking away from the house too and letting the bank reclaim it? Whose name are they in? I take it she was the one actually writing the checks or this would not have been news she had to share with you?

Really, WTF doesn't cover it. It's more like
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

Ask Clodfobble. She'll know what to do.

My thoughts, exactly.

These are good questions.

I'm sorry for your pain man.

The other big question was the closing of all the joint bank accounts. Did she walk away with all the joint money and leave a few months of bills unpaid?

Over here it seems you can't close joint accounts without all signers present. How did she do that?

Kick her in the cunt? Seriously, man, it's the whole money thing that really makes this not okay. I'm sorry for her immaturity, Els. I think if you make it a her-fault divorce, you can get free (although not necessarily very good) representation from the attorney general's office. But every state is different. Tell TreeFae to give you extra hugs from us.

that's just plain nasty.

sorry dude.

The who is at fault angle is why I'd be leery of leaving the house. At this point she's left you rather than an even split. I don't know squat about divorce law and it changes by state...

Don't lose that note. It could be an official admission of guilt.

Monster, yes, she handled all the finances. I just wrote her checks every week for my share of the bills and mortgage. I assume that the accounts, which did have my name on them, are still there, just empty. I'll be requesting statements for the past few months so I can get a better picture of what went on. But, I don't know...maybe one can close an account on one's own. Guess I'll know that in a while.

Oh, my dear ...

I suspected that this was what had happened when I saw your Facebook postings, but I didn't expect the scorched earth approach.

She has not, however, sewn salt into your fields (but not paying the mortage was pretty shitty).

You'll get through this.

We're here for you.

(*hugs*)

Els that's bloody awful treatment.
I felt like the ultimate bitch when I left my husband, but he came out of the relationship financially better off than he went in at least (small comfort, but all I could offer).

I can't believe someone who knows you and at least used to love you could treat you in this spiteful and underhanded way.

People fall out of love, have to leave, stop trying - that's life and it doesn't make them villains. But the way she did it - especially involving the money - is plain nasty. Karma will smack her upside the head.

Okay, I don't really believe that, but it's a nice thought.
We'll send Ducks over with a brick to do the same job.

Oh, Els! That ain't no way to go. As others have commented, that was incredibly malicious to close the bank accounts and not pay the bills since September. No wonder she fled in the middle of the night, so to speak. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas - NOT! What a biatch!

So sorry this had to happen to you. :(

You should be able to apply for financial provision? and as part of your rights, you should be able to get that money back.
It seems like it would be illegal to accept money for maintenance payments and take the money instead. At the least it's irresponsible and at the worst it's fraud and I would be seeking to get every cent back, plus the other amounts that should have gone toward maintenance of the house and utilities. There should be emergency legal aid to help with this. :(

*Shakes head* sorry you're going through the mill Els.

Shocking bad way to go about it. What a fucking craven move. Can't get my head around that sort of behaviour.

Hang on though...if you've been writing her cheques for your half of the bills, and she hasn't paid the mortgage and bills for 3 months...then what has she done with your cheques?

Sounds like theft, to me.

There ya go Splode go file charges , get her dumb ass arrested

Oh, Elspode, I'm so sorry. There's nothing I could say that everyone else has not said already. So, HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Stay strong, Pat.

I had a joint account with my mom. I went to the bank and closed it by myself. They gave me all the money that was in the account. So, I'm guessing that depends on the state or bank, it's possible.

I had a Joint account with my Mom ,
She emptied it and left me with $1100 worth of bad checks at a Navy exchange ( on base store),Yes there is a NIS (befor NCIS) file on me ,
Then borrowed the money from a friend, sent me a check,
and spent the money i sent home to pay off the debt to the Now Xfriend

I think it all comes down to the wording on the account. If it said "Els AND Biatch," both their signatures would be required. If it said "Els OR Biatch," she can probably get away with closing the account on her own.

Posted because it is beautiful and truthful, as only great music can be...



Elspode, brother, I know your pain. I know your shock, your bewilderment, your feelings of stunned betrayal. You know I do. I've lived a full life, and there has been no experience that hurt more. Surprisingly, to me, it was not fatal. It was a surprise to only me though. Many others knew from the begining that it would not be fatal.

Your pain, while immense and undeserved, will not be fatal.

I know you, I know your family situation a bit, we've been friends for years. You've been privy to the most intimate agonies of my own. There are valid similarities in each of our stories. I want to tell you a couple things that are true about my situation, that are probably true about your situation, and that I don't think you grok. Yet.

1 -- Most importantly, you do not deserve this kind of treatment. This kind of ambush IS NOT a result of your actions, your behavior, your quality as a partner or as a man. Please remember this. All of us face situations, all of us make decisions, all of us take actions, for which we are responsible. Sometimes the range of options is small, and it feels like we've been "forced" to act in a certain way. Maybe. Sometimes we have more time and latitude to choose what action to take, regardless, we're responsible for our own choices. You are responsible for yours, and Donna's responsible for hers.

Her actions are a result of her choices. That I can say with certainty. *Why* she chose these actions is not something I can say with much certainty. Please keep in mind they are *her* actions. They are her responsibility.

2 -- Also important, but this will not be helpful until later, I learned when I went through an almost identical situation that my pain, my suffering was directly related to the degree of excess responsibility I'd assumed for what happened in our relationship. I'd taken on far, far more responsibilty for things that were out of my control. In hindsight, this is easy to identify as a very bad idea. But in the moment, it felt like helplessness, unfairness, betrayal. It felt like an unjustified attack, like I'd been framed for the catastrophe. That was my mistake, thinking I'd done something wrong enough to justify such a take no prisoners pre emptive strike. Thinking that my part in our relationship had earned such a response, that somehow I deserved it.

It was this overreach on my part that caused me great agony. When I reduced the scope of what I felt I was responsible for, the shock and awe diminished also. I don't know what happened between all of you. I'm not offering absolution. But I have to tell you, having an appropriate understanding of what was my shit, and what wasn't my shit, made all the shit seem less.

Like I said, this is something for a different season, but I want to plant this seed now. Be reasonable, be honest and you will be able to see what is right for you to be hurt about, and what is not.

I can't imagine you've done anything to deserve this disrespectful action by her.

Beyond words here... I cannot see the other side's reasoning.
She said "I felt that you just wouldn't let me go."
Well Donna has an awfully high opinion of herself.

Then there is this -
What atty would justify basically stealing your 1/2 of the money and
leaving the bills unpaid?
This makes no sense at all.
This is beyond cold hearted. It is nothing short of evil. There is more to this than she has let on. The proverbial "other shoe" has not yet dropped. Get professional advice ASAP.

Oh and the consolation that the boyfriend had nothing to do with it?
Yeah right. Spare me.

I am so sorry for you and hate that you are going through this. Please know my thoughts are with you.

Attorneys get paid first, then whoever's left gets whatever's left.

Sounds like politicians.

Aren't virtually all politicians attorneys?

What's the difference between a lawyer and a lab rat?

Some things a lab rat just won't do. :D

99% of attorneys give the rest a bad name.

I have long since learned that, when there's money involved, *everything* else is secondary, if it is a consideration at all.

I took the day off from work with my boss' blessing, and accomplished a great deal. I did get printouts from our bank, and from what I can see, there wasn't much money in them at all...less than $300. However, what I have yet to have time to research is whether or not my checks were all deposited and then used as they were intended, or if she was cashing them and pocketing the funds without paying the bills.

It could be that we were that far behind, and she was paying what she could, when she could. I won't have time to research this until I get through this week. In the meantime, we got a lot of my stuff moved over to Leslie's, but there's much more to move...and then much more to be disposed, especially trash. A great deal of trash was created and left in her hasty, clandestine departure.

I have feelers our for a real estate agent who is experienced in handling distressed/short sale properties. If the rest of this week works as well as today - if I get sufficient help with strong backs and trucks, basically - the hardest part will be done.

I promise to be here more soon. As I said, I've missed you all, and I have no good excuse for why I've been nothing more than a lurker for so very long. Thanks for the good vibes. Please keep them coming, and try to spare some for Selene as well. She has to be going through some pretty fucked up shit in her head/life to have resorted to this.

Sorry, 'spode, Im not as big a person as you, I care about you and dont like to see you hurt, so Selene gets nuttin from me :)

You though...love you long time.

WSS^

Glad you're getting sorted Els. And, ok, fair enough, I'll spare a thought for Selene. Like you say, she must be going through some shit, or her head must be all over the show to do what she's done and the way she's done it.

But: she only gets the spare good vibes :p The bulk are for you. You're a bigger man than most on this Els.

That's pretty much what I'd expect you to say... but, no. I'm not buying that shit, not for a minute.

This wasn't a wrong choice driven by a panicky fight or flight situation. This was a carefully crafted, fuck-you-long-time, kick in the nuts, by an evil, self-centered, cunt. An act so vile, even she can't watch it unfold.

Ok, you don't want to hear, or even think, such things about a woman you loved so long. But I feel a suicide bomber has more integrity, and more dignity, than this bomb thrower.

You think maybe she's suffering? I hope you're right, as she so richly deserves it.

Maybe later, I'll break down and tell you how I really feel. :angry:

That's it, right there.

Bruce nailed it.