What's wrong monster?

OMG it was such an incredibly bad idea to have a soda and a large mocha this evening. I normally don't have any caffeine after lunchtime, and I had this whole theory that it would make sure I stayed awake while I was long-distance driving... and hey, my theory worked out great! Except I was done driving six and a half hours ago, and I'm still fucking awake.

I woke up this morning, as per usual, to get up and head in to class.

Then the reality of how far behind I am in this class combined with how much I need to get done for all of my other classes immediately set in and gave me a panic attack.

Neat. I emailed the teacher and told her I was sick. I have to get shit done. -.-

Or, the whole fucking world can just ignore everything I say or do. Debbil knows I have nothing to contribute.

?

I dropped my slide box and shattered every slide in it. :smack: Now I have to come in on a planned day off to repeat an experiment.

:censored: klutz.

What, and miss the entertainment? No way.:D

Oh hush, you.

Do you have any idea how nerdy that makes you sound?

I'm swooning!

I'm not really upset, just sad:

So I sent that letter for my ex boss's recognition dinner thingy, and had talked to my sis in law some time ago and she mentioned I should come. She has not mentioned it since.

As I was talking to my best friend, she asked if I was going to go and it occurred to me I didn't get an invite.

Now, an oversight this could be, but I started thinking about "what if there is some kind of deal" where the pres would be all put out just because I don't work there anymore? I left on great terms, but I didn't blow all the right people when I was there, so who knows? Sure, I could ask my sis in law, but that might put her in a position of having to say "welllllllllll..." and I don't want to do that either.

My conclusion is that, just in case, it's best if I just don't go. I don't want to cause any problems or steal anyone's thunder. I want the honorees to enjoy the evening and if I might stand in the way of that at all I should just stay away.

But it makes me sad. My ex boss was like a big sis I never had. I will send her a card with my best wishes. :(

And, the bright side is, it reminds me how stupidly political that place was, and reminds me how very happy I am to be here.

PS. people are leaving that place in droves.

Sorry Shawnee.

When I read that you were involved in a party for a former boss, I was struck by that because I though most employers basically banned previous employees from all events. But it's sad nevertheless that the politics are keeping you from attending.

Heehee...but in higher education you have an educated, kinder, gentler population, right? ;) We're all about success!

Yeah, I see what you're saying. Then again, another former cow orker who has stolen 2 employees from there and is working on a third, goes to everything. She did blow all the right people, including her husband she snagged a couple years ago (bigwig IT guy.) Eh, that's her, that's not me.

I can be incredibly naive about these kinds of things...I always expect better from people.

Shawnee, for what it's worth, I would double-check with your sister-in-law if I were you. It sounds like more than one person is acting as if they expect you to come. There may not have even been formal invitations other than a corporate email, and of course you don't have an email address with the old workplace anymore... If you don't want to put your sis-in-law on the spot, just casually ask her to say hi to everyone there for you, and that will give her the chance to either say nothing, or ask you what the hell you mean because of course you're coming, right?

Wise lady is wise.

Damn thats good Clod - My mom still does shit like that to me.
Damn women!

Thank you. I thought about this, then thought I think I'd rather not go anyway. It was something I had looked forward to, but the idea of perhaps being not welcome made me think about people asking me questions "how's it going?" and me playing down the fact that I love where I am now, and it's 10 times better. I would graciously say, as I've said all along, that I am eternally grateful for what I learned there, the friends I made, the fact that it was a fluke that I even started in this field because of a little ad in the paper when I was working at the Country Club because I had my last of tech positions in crappy little companies.

I am grateful. I am happier.

I just don't want to detract from the event, though I know a lot of people go out of obligation. I was one of the few who went every year even if it wasn't me or a close friend being honored.

And I think I would have received something, in the way of invitation; my sis in law knows how to get ahold of me, and if you're not an honoree or a guest, you buy your meal.

More than anything, I just know my boss hates these kinds of things but will go out of duty, and I would have loved to see the look on her face when sis in law reads the letter. She'll love it. That's cool for me.

:)

my blood pressure was high when I went to the doctor today. Never had a problem with it before. :(

Maybe go check it yourself at the drugstore a few time... see if it was an anomaly?

Did you have your feet on the floor, Cloud? When docs or nurses take it, you're often up on the table with your feet dangling. That can raise your pressure by 10-15 points, iirc. If it's a one-time thing, there's really not much to worry about.

This site has a list of more things that can affect the reading:

hope it is an anomaly--doc didn't seem to concerned about it. I'm getting my cholesterol checked, a gyn exam, and a colon cancer screening coming up, too. joy.

I'll be good for a while and see if it comes up high again.

I told him no mamo this year 'cause of the healing nipple piercing. :)

Today, aside from the same old same (trying to get over a broken heart by not talking to object of love/best friend) also my back and my elbow hurt. Suckage.

Sorry Tiki :(

My groin is shaved as a result of the angioplasty. I will most probably have a new partner this weekend.

WWUD?

All these years I've never not had pubic hair.

How do you wimmens feel about it?
Are there a lot of guys that shave now?

No worries. you're just keeping up with the manscaping.

ooh. sexy!

and be honest about the explanation.

This is funny:

After all I put myself through, I just found out my ex boss isn't even attending the dinner! LOL...letter was written in vain. Oh well...

I thought she'd be kind of obligated to go.

Good thing: my best friend applied for a job here. It's basically the state counterpart to my federal reporting duties, but they won't make hers a professional position like they did mine, it will still be classified. Still, they'll pay her more than she makes in the hellhole, and she won't have to be stressed out 24/7. I hope she gets it! We can carpool.

It grows back. Maybe. :)

Tell her about the angioplasty. You'll get a sympathy/nurturing bonus.

Lost the house I was trying to buy, lost my job, my wife and daughter are on the other side of the planet, and I'm trying to find a job, but finding very little luck so far because there are few jobs and every job out there has 10,000 people applying for it.

Didn't you have a dream of moving to Vietnam someday and opening a restaurant? Maybe now's the perfect time.

Westminster (aka Little Saigon) is much closer.

Damn. I'm too old for this fecal mass. After only weeks of "courting", this woman now is at my regular lunch dive EVERY FOKKIN DAY..... calls me every other hour, and if I need free time and try to politely avoid her she KNOCKS ON THE GODDAM DOOR to "check on me and see if I am allright".
I always and always will enjoy two scotches with my buds at the Moose Lodge every evening from 5 till 7. This is a crucial part of my time budget. NOW SHE CALLS ME THEN, and I've been clear that this is "my" time.
If I DO get intimate with her, my ass would prolly be strapped to the altar. Jeez.
She's my age and is behaving like a schoolgirl.

NUTSMOKE

I think I prefer to sit here alone and wait on my crotch hair to grow back. The procedure was on Dec 18 and I still barely have a stubble.

All this shit upsets me.

[grabs scotch bottle and throws cap away...]:headshake

:comfort:

That was hilarious...thanks for the laugh.

The funny-hat style moose lodge with a grand poo-bah and all that? or just a bar that happens to have that name?

Grand poo-bah.

As my dad would tell my mom "with an attitude like that you'll never get into Moosehaven."

capn will get it. :lol:

Yup. Poo-bah.

Moose Lodge # 1609

cool. another thing I thought was only in the movies....

My mom just called. My cousin is gone. There aren't many details...she and her husband were divorcing, but he has an alibi.
I used to babysit her. She was a sweet sweet girl.

When my mom called I thought she said my nephew's name. I was in hysterics.

I don't understand this world I don't understand it at all.

oh shawnee, that's awful :(

I'm so very sorry, Shawnee. Do they have any other information?

I'm so sorry Shawnee.

Sorry Shawnee, that is some bad shit.

Oh Shawnee. Im sorry, hon.

We don't know anything. My uncle (my favorite one) called my mom and he could barely tell her. I can't believe this is happening to my aunt and uncle. I don't understand.

I go from disbelief to horror and I just don't understand why something like this could happen. I'm angry, so fucking angry that such a wonderful person could have so much pain in her life. I don't fucking get it.

My uncle had just talked to her yesterday, and he said she was in good spirits. They don't believe she would have done this to herself. I think of her smiling face, she was always such a happy girl, and I think that she couldn't have.

It doen't make any sense.

Then you're not sure it wasn't an accident? Hang in there, we're all here for you.:grouphug:

My Hiatal Hernia has raised hell since I tried to eat a bacon biscuit this AM.

no, we don't know.

I've been reading sites about death...the questions, the emotions. I find I keep coming back here to my friends.

Thank you all. I don't know what I believe, but if you believe in prayer please pray for my family. I don't know how we're going to get through this. I think of my aunt and uncle and I jsut don't know how we're going to get through this.

One day at a time, or if that's overwhelming one hour at a time. Hell, one minute at a time if you have to. Just don't look too far ahead, planning how to handle it and shit, because it never follows your script.

I thought I'd get out of the house. I drove through town and there was a wedding party walking down the street, probably hitting bars before the reception (it's kind of a tradition in the young wedding circles.) They looked to be heading back to the limo.

They made me smile. I rolled down my window and yelled "woohoo" and gave them a thumbs up. They woohoo'd me back and I smiled. Immediately after this I was crying again.

So I think a minute at a time is what I can handle right now.

All the sites are saying "talk about it" adn that's what Im doing here. I'm so grateful for this place and you people.

Yeah, we're real useful sometimes. :blush:

Shawnee, I'm really sorry. That's horrible news.

Thank you.

Me too. Wish we could all give you a hug.

I suppose you're going to have to wait to find out what happened.:(

I will be at my parent's house tomorrow. Maybe we'll know more, but the result is the same.

Fucking what the fuck? What the fuck?

They don't know if my grammy would even know what they meant if they told her. They were very close. Grammy is almost 98, and doesn't have all her mental faculties. A (my cousin) used to go over and help her clean her collection of salt and pepper shakers, hundreds of them, and A was a pastry chef.

Fuck. God fucking dammit.

No, it won't change it, but It might help you and your folks get your head around it. It's not about her now, it's about damage control for the ones left behind. You have to kick in the survival instinct and take care of yourself. Please.

Grammy's in her own world... sometimes I think we feel sorry for people like that when we should envy them.

I just can't stop thinking of my aunt and uncle. He is my dad's youngest sibling. i was raised catholic, but didn't get baptized right away because my dad's job had us moving a lot. When I was 8 years old and my little brother was being baptized, I got to be also and got to choose my godparents. I chose them. They were young and hip and I thought they were awesome. I babysat for their kids when I was in HS. My uncle worked for social security and is a big reader...so I always felt particularly close to him as a kid and now as an adult, FA being a public service of sorts as well.

It's just not fair. None of it.

How old was she, Shawnee? Did she have any kids?

Early 30s. They lived in the south, haven't seen her in a couple years. Kids, yeah.

oh poor babbies :(