What is a relationship?
 

It's an odd concept, really. We don't really question it in daily life, you know, he's going out with her, that's his friend, they're in love.

As we are all separate people, individuals, what is behind the notion of having a 'relationship' or connection to someone. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships - friends, family, acquaintances... whatever definition you choose to give to what is essentially regular contact with one person.

There does appear to be an inclination to attach a label to different kinds of relationships, and unfortunately with these labels come a set of rules, for example, 'you wouldn't do that if you were my friend', or 'you should spend more time with me because you're my wife'. Just examples.

Why can't we let people come and go without forming some kind of relationship?

Because I think we're wired to look for and establish relationships between people - on many different levels.

What's the saying - I think it's 'no man is an island'...we can't exist solely on our own - perhaps it part of the process left over from when we 'needed' to work together to survive.

Dunno...interesting concept - never quite thought about it your way.

Because it's more fun and interesting not to mention warm and fuzzy. Labels are another kettle of fish, problem i find is once you remove them it becomes hard to explain things.

Yeah, labels make things easier, but they aren't the truth. I'd rather take longer to understand and get it right than rush into a false conclusion, only to realise 20 years later what a huge mistake I've made. :rolleyes:

gah don't scare me like that! It's kind of hard to avoid the whole label thing, someone asks you, your answer may be nuanced but 99/100 times it'll be concacanated to the nearest term, girlfriend, 'seeing each other', friend, fuckbuddy..... Girlfriend in partiuclar irks the hell out of me. How much does it matter though? The real connections, the boundries, the truth] of the matter are usually unspoken and almost always elude articulation, it's a set of things you just know and feel.

We are a tribal people. The interconnections between and among us are to some extent what defines us, gives us comfort, makes us happy and frustrated.

Yes, true, but the more words/labels/images we apply to ourselves the more difficult it is to see the 'unspoken' reality. We condition ourselves away from the very thing we are here to find out. Madness, really. Also the 'nearest term' might be completely inaccurate, like when you play snooker after pool and realise your angles were actually way off because there's less room for error.

We are a social being. People simply need other people. I am happily maried for almost 15 years but it just so happens I met an AWSOME man who I know I could fall completely and madly in love with. It is instant and 100% natural just as it was/is with my husband WHAT THE F**K :confused: :cool:

Not denying that, it is the problem to a degree. On the topic of madness, read Foucault's Madness and Civilization, not a light read but you'll appreciate it, trust me.

This is exactly what I mean. Don't worry cj there's nothing wrong or odd about your situation. It only seems strange to you because we have accepted the idealistic (ie. wrong) idea that love is exclusive, there's one person for everyone, soulmates etc etc. In fact, love is the opposite. The only true love is the love we feel for everyone, if only we could become aware of it!

Uh, hey cjjulie, before you go leave your husband because of what some hippie told you on the internet ;), let me play Devil's Advocate.

Don't forget that you don't get the time to get to know this person like you did before you married your husband. A relative of mine did that--left a reasonable marriage for someone she instantly clicked with, felt that she would fall madly in love with him, and only a year or so later realized this guy had all sorts of dealbreaker faults that she would have seen had they dated, but because it was an affair there was no time to genuinely get to know each other, and now her marriage was gone and she was miserable.

Judge your marriage based on itself, not compared to what you think might happen with someone else.

Well that's true enough. But your feelings for this other bloke are still real (although maybe only for the short term). Depends if you want to follow your instinct or preserve the perceived stability of a long-term relationship.

The whole point of marriage is that you are making a promise to choose the exclusive relationship. Of course there are more fish in the sea. You are making a promise to ignore those other fish. If you don't want to stop fishing, don't get married.

Don't also forget the dues your husband has paid into the relationship. He has earned a measure of respect for that.

When you said "I do," you took yourself off the market and agreed that no other could come along "with a better offer." I'm honestly not trying to guilt trip you but I am trying to give you some ammo to resist if you are inclined to do so.

Wrong? Its been working for several thousand years.

And how do we raise children in a world without families?