For the Aussies, a plea for help
 

This vid was done by my most excellent fiance, Mick Sturdy. If any of you Aussie members know anything about his girls, please PM me ASAP! Mick lives in Darwin; he doesn't know where his ex-wife and girls live.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu5vwuI_iHQ

Thank you, so much!

~Trea

Fiance?

Yes, ma'am. As in got down on his knee (on cam, unfortunately) and asked me to marry him, and I said yes as soon as the divorce is finalized and he gets his ass to the US :)

... but in the meantime you are having sex with your housemate?

-laughs- I knew that was going to come up. Yes, I am. Mick knows about it and is perfectly comfortable with it. And housemate knows I'm engaged to Mick, so everyone knows everything and is happy with the situation at hand. And Mick knows that if he has an opportunity for a f*ck buddy in Darwin, he's more than welcome to go for it, and I'll cheer him on (and take pics?) It's one of the many blessings of an open relationship.

Yea. Long distance thingies can be hard, sometimes you have to resort to being practical about it. Especially if your plans are years in the making, and take awhile to execute.


Poor Mick. It sucks to pay in and get no arrangements made to see your children. He should hire a PI and demand visits.

He's tried to demand visits from the ex, but considering he doesn't know where she lives or ANYTHING, that's been kinda tough. And unfortunately, money is a bit of an issue for him; he works civil service and doesn't get the best pay. :(

Treas, I know we don't know each other, but please, slow down.

I know long distance romances and internet relationships can and do work, but they take a lot of work and -when international- money. it costs a lot of money to get to the USA even on a fiance visa, and you have to prove that you can support him. Have you looked into the whole visa thing?

You're not even totally out of the abusive relationship that caused you to have PTSD, you have a baby girl and you're sleeping with your housemate. Mick is older than you and has two older daughters he's desperately seeking. If he finds them, will he really be happy to up sticks and leave them on the other side of the world?

Did you meet Mick in person or on the internet?

I know I'm raining on your parade, but please believe me I mean no malice at all, I just want to make sure you're aware of how rough the road ahead is going to be, even if Mick IS "The One".

Good luck with it all and I hope he tracks down his girls. Are there Government programs/fathers' groups that can help?

Well it isn't as if she's exactly put all of her eggs..in one basket? Excuse the expression...;)

Treas, if your husband is paying into the Child Support system over here, then his solicitor will be able to go to mediation and organize visitation unless there are extenuating circumstances.

I don't want to upset you either, but seriously, the system over here is pretty good, and there's no reason he shouldn't be seeing his kids. Child support knows where the mother is if he's paying in, so his legal rep can find her or at least organize meetings.

Something sounds fishy to me.

btw...civil servants over here are paid pretty well. In most cases a minimum of $40k per annum and if he's older and has been in the system longer, then chances are he's earning a bit more than that. If he's in any sort of supervisory or management position, he would be earning over $60k and probably more.

Wages are much better here than in the US. Keep that in mind when he tells you how poor he is.

I just watched the video.

I have to say, I don't believe his story. There's just no way that if he's paying in and she's receiving, that he'd not be able to organize visitation. If his kids live on the east coast, why is he living in Darwin anyway? Did he move away from them or what? Did he always want to see them or did he spit the dummy in the first place and now he's regretting it.

As far as Child Support Agency goes, it is what you make of it. If you think they're your enemy then they will be, but if you work with them, they can be very helpful, particularly if you keep in touch with your case worker.

My ex and I use the CSA and neither of us have ever had any problems. CSA doesn't stop fathers from seeing their children. They have nothing to do with that side of things anyway. They simply collect from one parent and pay it to the other.

Tell him to get private legal representation. If he's really that poor, then he'll qualify for legal aid. If he's not that poor, then he should be willing to pay for the services of a professional if his kids really mean that much to him.

Just be wary. People can seem like they're really and truly heartbroken and put upon and downtrodden on the internet and via phone calls and even during short visits, but usually it's a front.

I'd be very careful about getting involved with this man if I were you Treas. I think he's full of shit.

Maybe he's always lived in Darwin and she moved away taking the kids.

Dana's hit the nail on the head. They were originally in Darwin and when she split, she took the kids and tried to vanish. I thank you all for the well wishes and the warnings. I've only known Mick on the internet but we're working on a three month visit here in the states (tourist visa). I appreciate how you all are looking out for me here :) Makes me feel like a true Cellarite/Dwellar. I will let you all know what happens... to be honest, I have wondered at one point or another if he's only so intent on me for a green card or the like...

Again. THANK YOU. :)

Another detail to note... he's only seen them "like three times in the last twelve years" but one of the daughters is only 10 years old.