I've said it before, but it bears repeating (no, that's not the phrase)
"you couldn't make it up" and "not in your wildest dreams"

Yes, I could make it up, and lots more besides. And I have pretty wild dreams, trust me.

I want that on a tshirt.

" I know you are but what am i?"
A favorite if children...and siblings...Grrr!

chief in staff

Yep, that's it on a nutshell.

what about "I'm not gonna lie to you" - clearly, they are!!!

Actually, I don't find that annoying at all. I appreciate it. They are telling me "OK, pay attention to this because what I'm about to say is a blatant lie." I like the warning.

I used to work with a salesman that would preface things with, "bein' honest..."

it was just a device, but it said...'i've been lying to you up until this point'

Two thoughts:

When someone says "long story short" it's usually too late.

That song "You are so beautiful to me" always makes me think the next line should be "I don't care how butt ugly everyone else thinks you are."

I don't hear too many people saying that anymore. Probably too many people, like me, interrupting.

Other: "To make a long story short..."
Me: "Too late!"

Homeless Guy says it all the time. It's rarely a short story, but I keep my mouth shut. I don't think he realizes he's saying it...it's like me saying "like" too much. Just a speech habit I guess.

I heard a friend say it the other night.

Hmmm, they both say it when drinking mass portions of beer. Connection? Probably.

"I know it's none of my business, but..."

Y'all might enjoy "Managementspeak", a regular feature of Bob Lweis' online newsletter on IT management.

That makes me think of the opening scenes of Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane.

"When your lemon lot hits the skids you glom the gig no matter what the smell."

Heinlein quote on "none of my business":

The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none of my business but--" is to place a period after the word "but." Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.

Robert Heinlein