Rumors
 

I've always wanted to work for The Onion. I believe that I have a sufficient feel for the absurdities of everyday life to make up plausible news stories that connect with current large and small memes.

For Example:

Joe the Plumber in new film role. Hollywood sources claim that Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher has been selected for a role in the upcoming remake of Dr. Strangelove. Mr. Wurzelbacher will play the role of Major T.J. 'King' Kong made famous by Slim Pickens. When asked if he had seen or heard of the original movie, Mr. Wurzelbacher stated "My agent told me that it's some kind of comedy and it's not porn. I'm really glad it's not porn. I love comedy. Everyone I know tells me I can be real funny."

smirk -

Oh rich, that is rich! *applause*

I just wish that everybody would stop accusing Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. All I ever hear are rumors that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990, and I am really starting to get tired of hearing that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. I haven't heard any evidence that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. The most I ever heard on the subject are rumors of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990. Please, we all heard that a girl may have been raped and killed by Bob Saget in 1990, but that was 19 years ago and the case of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990 is over. All everyone talks about is Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990, and I'm tired of hearing that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. Who here has actually seen Bob Saget rape and kill a girl in 1990? I don't think any of you have seen Bob Saget rape and kill a girl in 1990, but for some reason everyone keeps accusing Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. I don't believe one word of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990, and I hope you don't believe Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. All I can think of is how horrible it is that someone would falsely accuse Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. Why would Bob Saget really rape and kill a girl in 1990? If he wanted to have violent sex he could get the Olsen Twins when they were four years old, so I don't think he would rape and kill a girl in 1990. I know I would never rape and kill a girl in 1990, and neither would Bob Saget, because Bob Saget can get goats and hookers instead of raping and killing a girl in 1990. How many times do I need to tell everyone that Bob Saget did not rape and kill a girl in 1990?

Stop it, you demonicpriest.

Nice catch.

So did Bob do it or not?

thanks, I'm learning.

Chuh. It's spelled Rumours and I must have listened to it a thousand times.