The Cellar - I might be white trash

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I might be white trash

Because I have a television on my screened-in breezeway and a woodpile behind my metal shed.

How about you?

Because I am thinking about looting during the post Rapture chaos! :cool:

Leaving my door unlocked, hoping the post Rapture chaos brings raping and pillaging. ;)

I am white trash because:

90% of my clothing is 2nd hand
I gobble up samples in shops
I take home leftovers (wrapped in serviettes)
I dream of winning the Lottery
I left school at 16
I will pick up coppers (1p & 2p coins) in the street and it makes my day if it's a higher value coin
I shop in Iceland, Lidl, Aldi and Wilkos

But you know what?
I'm English.
So there.

I might be because:

1) The directions to my house include the words "get off the paved road"
2) My house has wheels
3) I have an inoperable car in my yard
4) I drive a pickup
5) I don't have a steady job
6) I haven't had a haircut in a year and a half (except a trim)
7) I shop in second hand stores (and Craigs list etc)
8) I consider beer a necessity (and a form of currency)

OMG! I'm a redneck!

I only aspire to white trash.

Do you verify th followin list ?

You know your White Trash when....

You've ever scraped your elbows trying to get something out of a dumpster.
Your kids use Cheeze Whiz in place of toothpaste.
You clean fish on your ironing board.
Your favorite color is shiny.
You wish you could bend your head down as far as your dog can.
You fix slower-than-dog-shit traffic lights with a 12 gauge shotgun.
You know where to get government cheese.
Your attorney can be reached at 1-800-WIP-LASH.
Your kids are the source of school head lice epidemics.
Your kids end up on milk cartons before you notice they're missing.
Your wife thinks her thighs look thinner in Spandex.
You keep your shed more secure than your house.
You wish those nosy, pencil-pushing retards at the Division of Insurance Fraud would leave
you the hell alone.
You live in Toledo, Ohio because you want to.
You've seen someone spray their telephone with Lysol after you used it.
Your Job skills include being handy with cattle prod and knowing how to roll back an odometer.
You've ever told your wife that Jean-Claude Van Damme is a Homo.
Your kids give meaning to the term 'nose mining'.
You put Kool-Aid in baby bottles.
You keep spare Ferris wheel parts in your shed.
Your wife asks about layaway at flea markets.
Your girlfriend breaks her ankle bracelets on your rearview mirror.
Your idea of good luck is finding arm rest towels to match leopard skin slip covers.
Your Dad had a real knack for finding things at the dump that were "too damned good" to be
thrown away.
Your wife poses for the BEFORE pictures in miracle weight loss ads.
You've ever threatened to kill one of the neighbor kids for messing with your tackle box.
Your wife's favorite wedding present was a pair of goggles.
You think a pap smear is what daddy wipes on his jeans after a healthy sneeze.
You know which end of the chicken a possum prefers to eat first.
The sight of a Slim Jim makes your wife's mouth water.
You know how mountain oysters taste, or for that matter, you know what they are.
You think Samsonite is someone you read about in the Bible.
You'd rather watch Cops than Seinfeld.
You bought a metal detector after your kids found a quarter buried in the sofa cushions.
Your mom and dad shared everything - including a set of teeth.
Your refrigerator has a coat of auto primer on it.
Your boss has to check with the probation department before firming up reservations for the
company picnics.
Your contest entry on "How to Avoid the Repo Man" won you a set of jumper cables.
Your mother told a State Trooper she'd take a beathalyzer when her butt learned how to
chew bubblegum.
You pay extra lot rent for the privilege of being within walking distance to the dumpster.
You crochet things for toasters and toilet paper.
You smoke fish in your trunk.
You grew up believing a woman with no teeth was gifted.
Your idea of foreplay is telling your wife she better be in bed by the time you count to 4.
Your boss invited you to go hunting when he found out you could make duck calls with your
armpit.
One of your relatives went bankrupt after winning the lottery.
Your husband remembers you bra size since it's the same as his IQ.
You get discount coupons from the abortion clinic.
Your husband uses engine degreaser in place of shampoo.
You buy teeth through the mail.
You have to cut the feet off your panty hose so you can get them over your ankles.
Your sister runs a dating service on her CB called Trucker Tail.
Your car seat covers used to be a chenille bedspread.
You've ever been tempted to make a night crawler chip dip.
Your local laundromat doubles as your day care center.
You figure you're entitled to use 7-Eleven as your business address since you use the pay
phone and restroom there.
Your first training bra came from GoodWill and had cups the size of basketball hoops.
You've tried to get credit with your sweepstakes finalist notifications.
Your dad always thought that having more than one toothbrush in the house was a waist of
money.
Your kids take empty beer bottles to school for Show-and-Tell.
Your boss keeps a bail bondsman on the payroll - just in case.
You've ever had to fish one of your wife's favorite shoes out of the septic tank.
You think a mammogram is that funny little picture they're putting on credit cards now.
Your kids think Hamburger Helper is one of the major food groups.
You ever taken a six pack to a graveside service.
Your wife says she'd dust more often if you bought her a leaf blower.
You went ahead and ordered that lackhead remover since it came with a free potato peeler.
Your wife fixes the dents in her car with STOP sign and spot welder.
Your kids supply the neighborhood with WILL WORK FOR FOOD signs.
You've ever been assaulted with a toilet seat.
Your kids have to call a 1-900 phone sex number if they need to reach you at work.
You store an emergency six-pack in the toilet tank.
Your dashboard doubles as a religious shrine.
Your husband's idea of an extended orgasm is holding back until he gets his zipper down.

Too US-specialist for me to answer.

So for the Brits on the board, the Are You A Pikey? test below.
It sets the bat far higher than the test above. I reached Pikey Island status three times over I think. But that's why it's funny.

1) Have you ever purchased something from Iceland?

2) Have you ever owned an electrical appliance made by Hinari?

3) Have you ever purchased a KFC Family Bucket?

4) Have you ever hung pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror?

5) Have you ever bought or worn shoes from Barratts?

6) Have you ever considered Pizza Hut an Italian Restaurant?

7) Have you ever bought clothes from Matalan?

8) Have you ever eaten Findus Lasagne?

9) Have you ever worn jewellery from "Elizabeth Duke" or "Argos"?

10) Have you ever eaten a Pot Noodle?

11) Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?

12) Have you ever bought a second class stamp?

13) Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola?

14) Do you think Marks and Spencer's food hall is too expensive?

15) Have you ever travelled by EasyJet?

16) Have you anything in your wardrobe which is at least 50% polyester?

17) Have you ever fantasised about owning a Ford Mondeo?

18) Are you on first name terms with any bus drivers?

19) Have you ever recommended a Wetherspoons as a decent steak restaurant?

20) Have you ever relieved a hotel room of it's freebie shower gel or shampoo?

21) Have you ever drunk a can of lager you found on a train?

22) Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone?

23) Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?

24) Have you ever referred to dessert as "afters"?

25) Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running?

26) Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later?

27) Have you ever left washing out on the line for more than 24 hours?

28) Have you ever dreamed of owning a camper van?

29) Have you ever christened your home with a name and then included it on your postal address ie: "Dunroamin"?

30) Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B&Q, ie: Stone squirrel, Ornamental wheelbarrow etc?

31) Have you ever owned an "eternal beau" dinner or tea service?

32) Have you ever owned or used a sausage dog draught excluder?

33) Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairly lights outside your house at Christmas?

34) Have you ever placed a jewel encrusted tissue box on your rear parcel shelf?

35) Have you ever visited a Little Chef of Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation?

36) Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from a magazine?

37) Have you ever received a calendar from your local takeaway?

38) Do you know anyone from Penge?

39) Have you ever bought and used "Shake n' Vac"?

40) Are any of your parents of family well known "down the precinct"?

Now tot up your "yes" scores and check below to see if you are a Pikey:

0 Yes Answers:
You live in Mayfair and spend all your time in Harvey Nicks. All your friends are called Henry or Henrietta and you've never even heard of TopShop. You don't drive as your chauffeur takes you everywhere. You live on a macrobiotic diet carefully prepared for you by Jamie Oliver. The only airlines you recognise are those that daddy owns. The only pikey you have ever come across is a stuffed one created by Damien Hurst and showing at the Tate Modern.

1-5 Answers:
You're generally far removed from Pikey Island, however, your brother once introduced you to a girl who lived on an estate and shattered your illusions of Barrett Homes being a character from an Emily Bronte novel. You like expensive shops and generally only travel by London Taxi. Your mother once served you fish fingers, however you have adapated enough in adult life to only purchase Tesco's finest crab cakes as a substitute. You have the presence of mind to sneer at a bottle of Freixenet.

6-10 Answers:
You are definitely entering the danger zone here. You have owned at sometime in your life a pet fish won from a funfair. You regularly buy Superdrug's own brand toiletries but ensure you carry them home in a Clinique carrier bag. You have a number of gold cards and run a respectable enough car, however, you would do well to remove the "Baby on board" sticker from the back. You enjoy good food and wine courtesy of Delia Smith's home cookery course and have been to University.

11-15 Answers:
You have a whiff of dog blanket about you and your shoes need to be resoled. You enjoy garden centres and eating out at country pubs. You're quite well known at the local KwikFit and think nothing of sticking a Bart Simpson doll to your reat seat window. You have often enjoyed a curry or kebab after a night down the pub and have used a doorway as a public toilet. It is likely that you have been arrested for a minor offence and count George Best as an idol. You are likely to have been educated to A level standard.

16+ Answers:
There is no hope for you - you are well and truly an escapee from Pikey Island. You will now forever be known as first name "Pikey do as ya likey" surname. You think that Blue Nun is a choice wine and always cook Spag Bol at dinner parties. None of your home cutlery matches and a few of your mugs have established chipping to the handles. Every room in your house is painted Magnolia and you have a dado rail in your living room. You name children after pop or filmstars and buy the Sunday Sport as an informative newspaper. Your car is made by Ford and has fag burns in the driver seat. You've only been to Spain on holiday.

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