If you do that again I'll knock you into next week.

I'll hit you so hard, your mother will feel it.

When I told my mom about it she said "I told you never trust a monkey!"

Look, bitch, you knew I was snake.

Librarian to law student- "the book title is Toxic Torts: T-O-X-I-C capital T-O-R-T-S, colon"

Law Student interrupts- "how do you spell colon?"

They pelted me with rocks and garbage.

I can't eat garbonzo beans.
How can anyone eat anything that starts with the same four letters as the word "garbage"?