F***edup family
 

Yes there IS a point at witch you stop careing in answer to this thread http://cellar.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=5970

I have alluded to this a time or two .

My sister is ,was ,and will probley allways will be a junkie and a user of people , she comes by it honestly from my mom , (the user of people thing , NOT the junkie thing she did that to her self , but she still blames mom . )

I have tryed for years to be a good brother and just blow it off when she would call and say " can I get $100 for grocerys ??" , She has 4 boys so food don't last long in her house ,I would get her the cash one way or another . Too many times I have droped by a few days later to see how every body was doing and to see if i could help any other way , the usual answer is " we haven't seen mom or dad for 3-4 days " , i would take the boys out for dinner ( chineese buffet ) and get them some grocerys . my sister would always call all indignent saying that it wasn't nessary for me to get them any more grocerys they had plenty ( i learned later she and hubby would go on 3-4 day herion binges and drop by some shelter with a sobb story about how they had 4 boys to feed ) .
I have helped her move more times than i can count , i have helped (litterly) shovel out her many houses , she LOVES pets but HATES cleaning up after them .
When her husband ODed and died after being in rehad for the UMpteenth time , she called crying , we droped what we were doing and ran to her side . She wanted me to burn the bed he had died on . I did it , trying to help . Looking back I should have asked about the strapes attached to the bed frame .
She moved again after that , again we helped , again we shoveled out her house ( it was SOO nasty my wife got an eye infection from the air ) .
A few months later i get a call from my oldest nepheu , she had plowed he truck into a tree at over 100 mph , broke both her legs , hips , her jaw in 3-4 places , wasted her right elbow and hand , and was in a coma . I took a week off to get her affairs in order fearing the worst , we moved well over 100 miles ( temperly ) so her boys could finish school . Befor all this was going on one of her kids ( my nepheus ) sexualy assulted one of his brothers ( he never was right in the head , crack babby ???) . We had to take gardenship of him to have him commited . Again i had to shovel out her house so we could live there . Her boys finished school and we took them home with us ( she still in a coma ) . So all summer long we camped and canoed with the 2 boys , they loved it . She comes to , is PISSED that i have been messing in her affairs , wants her boys back , etc...... She can't even walk , has no teeth , and the Dr's are worried about her mental state , so i calm her down " what else was i going to do ??? Let the boys stay with us for the summer while you heal . " She agrees , but is so combative she is transfered all over the hospitol , phical rehab , mental ward , combative ward , etc,,,,.
She goes to a rehad facility to learn to walk again , I get a call saying " mom is going to check her self out of the hospitol , the Dr's are SICK of her !!!!" . So i take off work again to go to the hospitol to see whats up , the nurses want her gone , the Dr's want her gone , she got sent flowers and thru them at a Dr , a nurse cleaned up the mess and put the flowers in a Plastic vace for her , she thru them in her face . I show up and calm her down " I can't eat this mush they are trying to feed me , this place SUCKS , these people are ASSHOLES , etc,,,,,, "
So i get her some real food , she throws it at me . I go to her house to see if it is fit for to come home . Again i have to shovel out the house , get industrel strength flea spray to kill a MAJOR infestation . she comes home 2-3 days later and is PISSED that her house stinks , i explain about the fleas , she didn't care .


Sorry to rant but this has been boiling up in side for a WHILE !!!
Its late and i have I have to get up early, but more of the story to tell in a later post .

zipp -

there will probably be a number of people who will give you some very good advice in this thread.

I'm just going to say this:

you are a bigger man than me.

that kind of selflessness is a viture in anyone

Zippy, if I was a believer in all things spiritual (which I am not), I would say that you have earned so much good karma that your next life (or lives), would be paradise. Unfortunately I don't believe in that nonsense, but it would be nice to think that you could be rewarded somehow for your efforts. :thumb:

Maybe it's time to let go. Hard as it is, she made her bed, and the only way she will learn is if you let her lie in it. Everyone has a choice in this life, and if she sees you are no longer willing to clear up after her it may stun her into action. Thoughts are with you zipp, and I'm with Archer in applauding your incredible selflessness :)

Wow man, you definitely get the brother of the year for this one. I have no idea where you can go with this. How old are the kids? Wolf might have some advice. good luck

Disregarding her for a moment, you have a good chance of getting custody of the kids, if you want them to stay out of her influence. They sound like they're a lot happier with you (not to mention properly cared for.)

You, sir, are the brother of the year if not the decade.

I'll continue biting my lip now.

Zippy...you can't do much about your sister, and it is a sad state affairs, but...

You can probably get the kids out of there. Their daily lives constitute being abused, and DFS should know about it.

Much props on your efforts to deal with this as a family matter, but serious junkies usually end up dead (witness your brother in law's demise for evidence of this) or in prison. Perhaps you should act now, while there are still options. If she dies or is imprisoned, the kids will go straight into "the system" and there's nothing you can do about it.

You must be a very strong person.

Jesus you deserve a medal.

Tragic. It's good to hear you are taking care of the kids. I agree with the others who said you ought to see about getting them out of that situation right away.

My Gracious!

Isn't it sad when you have tried everything, and it seems all for nothing? It's possible that it's just too late for your sister. But, as far as the children, do what you can to get custody (or just get them away from her). Get them now while they are young (i'm assuming they are young), and get them away from the obvious dysfunction that surrounds them in that house. It's obvious that she is a horrible mother as long as she answers the call of the drugs instead of her kids (leaving them for 3-4 days--NO EXCUSE!!!! :mad: ).

As has been said, she's made her choice. She'd rather be addicted to drugs than a good, decent mother. Time to take a stand.

All the best to you!

Oh my! All this heavy stuff people are laying on you, here, zippy. I mean, I understand where they are coming from, but that is one BIG responsibility ...
Dunno what to suggest mate. Have a hug.

Thanks for all the good thoughts folks .

The story continues ,,,,

So meen while as i said one of her boys is institunilized , we are his guardens . It is AMAZING how helpfull government agencys can be in a situation like this , we got his social security check transfered to us ( as his legal guardien we had the right to this , BOY did that Piss her off!!!) to help pay for all the gas we were useing driveing 3+ hrs one way to go to his weekly theropy secions , my sister lived 45 minets away , she didn't bother going to see him at all .
So the summer is ending , she is finaly walking , we have been takeing her boys to see her at least every 2 weeks ( 2 hr drive one way ) . My wife is takeing her to the store for grocerys ( that we paid for ) , my sister is bragging about how she is going to get over on every body being so busted and broken , My wife snapped and cussed her out calling her a thief , etc,,,,,
She called the cops saying we had kidnaped her boys ,,,, the cops sorted out the situation quickly , we took 2 of her boys home with their stuff , the one incarcerated stayed where he was to finish his treatment .
In the corse of his treatment we found out that he has SEVER ADD , etc,,,,, and was getting teased at school ( he had failed 3-4 years , so the little kids were messing with him , he got mad and went off on his brother ) . We live in small town Arkansas and hace EXELENT schools for kids with dissabilitys ( lots of crack and meth babbys around here ) , so we kept guardienship of him for the remainder of the school year .
Now I am used to rowdy boys , hell i was one growing up , but this kid even with medication was just to much . He lied , stole from us and others , wantenly destroyed ANY thing he could get his hands on , but when he thretened my wife he and I had a VERRY serious conversation . I spoke calmly but firmly , i stayed in controll , but i was boiling in side . By the time he went home he had lost every privlage possible . I found my self thinking seriously about takeing him out back and putting a bullet in his head just to rid society of him . This kid was that terrible .

So the school year is up and we take him home , get his SS check transfered back to his mother . She goes off on me saying that my "BITCH WIFE " is telling people all kind of lies about her , and she KNOWS its my wife because You would NEVER say that kind of stuff about your sister . she then said that I need to ( and i quote ) "Stand up like a man and make my wife act right " .
I calmly told her "Nothing she said to ANYBODY was a lie , and we discuss EVERY thing to do with this , she does nothing with out my consent concerning you ". At this point my sister says "FUCK YOU AND YOUR BITCH WIFE , GET OUT OF MY AFFAIRS AND MY LIFE !!!!"
So we have done just that , stayed out of her life , staded out of her hair , every bill collecter that calles we give them her last know phone # , it is LONG disconnected but it is the only number we have for her , untill recently .

We talked about getting the boys , it would be a package deal all or none . We have raised our 2 kids , they are happly in collage , liveing on their own , supporting them selfs , yes we get the frantic calls saying " i have bills due and the starter on my car died " , I am MORE than happy to help , no big , they deserve a little help ever now and then .
we have desided ( and i know this sounds cold ) that we will NOT take her boys , or her problems any more . There is a aunt and uncle that are HIGHLY religous that can deal with them if they want , we refuse , we have gone WAY above and beyond .

So i find my self in a weird position , my sister got a phone recently and called and left a message with her new phone number , then called the next day same message , then a nephue called with her in the back ground telling him what to say , then the next day she called pissed that we haden't returned her call . I don't plan on calling her and we got caller id so we can avoid her calls . Am i wrong in standing firm ??
Is this a fucked up situation or what ?

I'm thinking things,....a lot of things, but I can't find the words that won't confuse you,.... and me. The cost of Semper Fi, can be very high for you and your family. :(

That IS seriously fucked-up. But nobody could look at what you've done and say that you didn't do everything you could possibly do. You tried, man, you tried, you can't save the entire world, especially the parts of it that don't want saving.