Sorry Infi, just come across your family woes and withdrawal issues.
Yours is heavier shit than mine.

I wish everything good for your Mum. And glad to hear she's home
And goodness, even more good for you.
It must feel fucking hard right now.
But you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you are a fighter. I hope it's not too terrifying; I found just changing medication like being on a deckchair on the Titanic.
Keep breathing.

Thanks for the kind words people.
I have detox to look forward to (as of Friday) but at least Dad only has outpatient appointments at present.
Though as I said the journeys are really getting them down.
We're leaving much of our thinking until the 'rents come back from holiday.
It's hard, because Mum gets so angry with Dad.
And I side with him because she can be so vicious. But he loves her. And she does love him.
It's her learned reaction to attack when she is upset/ frustrated/ out of her depth/ under stress. So it's a sign that she's probably suffering more than he is.
My learned response is to feel sick at confrontation and to hide away...

Anyway. My detox is all about me, but my parents' health is not.
I think I've finally come up against something that lottery-dreaming can't fix.

fucking fuckety fuck IM. Do your best.

If things get ridiculous go to the E.R. Tell them you can't pay a dime.

IM, the offer is there if you need it. Despite what you may think, i am a compassionate person and dont like to see others suffer.

Sundae: my situation is no 'better' or 'worse' than yours. We all go through different crap. In fact, we are both worried about our own health while worrying about loved ones' health. It freaking sucks, I know.

I know I can't help unless I feel better.

Soooo...I did finally get my retirement money. This doesn't mean I'm retired, of course, just that I can get my affairs in order and start back at Square One. I'm really good at Square One. I do my best work in Square One. But I don't think I'll do much with Square One until I get back on the med and THEN get with my doctor and come up with a taper off plan. I seem to feel better in the mornings and it gets worse as the day goes on. I'll think I feel pretty content one minute and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. A good indicator: I was happy coming into the library then saw some of the townswomen, all glorious in scarves and jewelry and the ever-important cell phone to their ear, who can't even find their way around this LIBRARY which is a freaking work of art in itself and I mumbled "what is it, pretentious snot bitch day at the library?"

Yeah, that's not nice.

I'll have access to more of the money tomorrow, but I want to get my script broken into one month instead of 3, paying ~400 as opposed to ~1100, then go to lower doses which will also lower the cost. I want off this stuff. I can't believe there isn't much more than the thousands of online forum postings in the way of warning of the severe withdrawal. No, this ain't like stopping prozac or paxil or any of the other freaking SSRIs I've tried over the years. This is potential suicide-inducing, with the very extreme mood swings and the physical impairments. I'm a bit angry with the doctors. Maybe it's my mission to get this information out there. I could be like one of those cool people you read about in Reader's Digest: How I Bucked Big Pharm Before it Bucked Anyone Else.

Ali, I know you're compassionate. We may not have always seen eye to eye but I know you do reach out to people. I don't know if you meant the universal 'you' or if you meant 'me' but believe me your offer touched me. And I appreciate that about you.

And, thanks everyone. Just venting did a world of good, for one thing giving me a reminder of just how bad I can get in this state.

I'm glad you got some money and are going to get the meds you need. I hope you feel better soon.

Infi and Sundae - one day at a time. You're both far stronger that you give yourselves credit for.
You are each an inspiration for others in a tight fix, as to how to just knuckle down and chip away, minute by minute if necessary and drawing on all the resources at your disposal - not least venting to your pals here.
Attagurlz! xx

You're so kind. Thanks. *hug**

Sundae, we shall heed the word of Limey because as you know (much better than I, even) she is one of the good ones on earth. :)

One of the good and wise ones. :)

That's really sucky. I'm sorry.

Dentistry sucks.

Dental problems are a nightmare. But this ... they actually injured your face trying to get hardware off? I'm sorry, IM.

I don't know.

But the answer I think we're supposed to give is to focus on the positive. Count your blessings. That sort of thing. I think that can help, if you really try it. It's sort of like a meditation.

It's easy to forget the good stuff because you take it for granted. You love your nieces, right? They are a huge positive in your life. You're fortunate to have them. That's just an example. You would know better than I would what your positives are, I can't do this exercise for you. Focus on the positives and take your mind off the shit. Hard to do with a throbbing mouth, so tell me to screw off if it helps.

There's a freak running around that looks like you?:o

Chin up, and all that shit. This will pass.

Hell, Infi, I been freaky-looking for 45 yrs.

Feel better.