I keep trying to be happy
 

and every time there are glimmers of life being better, I get smacked right back down again. To the point where I'm now afraid of feeling happy. Today, I forgot to be afraid and was basking in the nice weather and testing the theory that it's ok not to be constantly productive, constantly doing something, constantly striving for improvement or fighting for survival, that maybe it was OK occassionally just to enjoy the moment ....and my package from ebay containing a book that I have been watching for years and eventually purchased to cheer my self up and which then promptly went missing in transit suddenly turned up....... life was almost feeling ok....

....so I went to the mailbox to get the package and found a letter dated two weeks ago (but arrived only today -I getthe mail every day) informing me that my family's heath insurance through COBRA had been cancelled effective last Thursday because of the company's bankruptcy.

Yes, I'm working on it, have made progress already but....? And the progress I have made confirms that I really was right to choose to continue my insurance through COBRA to make sure Pologirl had the coverage required of her for her scholarship, She's really in a bad place now, thank goodness her semester just ended. but no matter how we resolve this, she won't have any insurance in May :( How in the hell can it be ok to inform people by snail mail their insurance is cancelled with two week's notice? Even when snail mail isn't taking three weeks?

I'm not perfect by a long shot, but I'm not a bad person but how come.... oh nm. Next time I'll remember to stop being happy immediately

It seems happiness is more destructive than any street drug.

Her scholarship requires her to have insurance coverage? How incredibly bizarre. I'm so sorry the universe keeps shitting on you. I hope the book is good at least?

It could be worse. You could also have a really bad sunburn.

Maybe not. Pain might get you to forget everything else. Never mind.

The book is a "homemade" cookbook from 1972. It's hilarious (which I wan't expecting, so that's a bonus). it cost me nearly $25 which is why I took so long to decide to buy it. It's recipes from the wives of employees of a tire company in Ohio. Many of them start with pre-prepared products. Most of them sound absolutely gross, a surprisingly large proportion of them contain booze ( and there are three recipes for punch) and a lot of them contain ingredients that are already somewhat prepared (for example Gourmet Baked Beans starts with two large cans of pork & beans)

I came across it because the tire company was the Hercules Tire Company, so they called the cookbook from the wives of Hercules employees "The Hebe Cookbook". This copy was located only 100 miles from me in Michigan (although it went via Pittsburgh in the 3 weeks it took to reach me), so that made me interested as well. I plan to start to thread on it because i am finding it very interesting, but that will be for another day when...... well just.... yeah..... perhaps when I can find a shit to give again :(

what makes you think I don't? I'm a white English chick going to the mailbox at the end of the street in a vest top and itsy shorts on the first hot (80F) day of the year

If happy sneaks up on you treat it like a coffee break, relax and enjoy knowing you might as well because it won't be long before it's back to the grind.

...oh and fuck off. I posted this in Health rather than a more general forum because I'm really fucking miserable and I'm trying to keep my ahead above water for my kids who depend on me by telling people what is real in my life, giving voice to my humanity in a place where it won't worry them, reaching out for a little support. You choose not to do that on this medium, and that is fine. But this is not an appropriate place for your twatishness. So Fuck Off.

I don't think I've ever taken a coffee break in my life, I don't do relax, and that's exactly the problem..... the minute I realize I'm happy and then remember it doesn't last, I'm not happy any more

Heya.

's gonna be OK.

No I can't show you my work.

It's an epiphany.

I'm looking forward to chatting at tomorrow's zoom meeting.

No breaks? That is a problem.
I always looked at life as short bursts of happy or sad/angry between long periods of neutral. Neutral meaning doing what has to be done each day but knowing the routine and how to handle it so no sweat. Might even call it boring.

You've had your responsibilities doubled at a time when all the kids are doing the college turns life upside down transition. I'd love to say someday you'll look back and laugh but more likely you'll look back and say how the fuck did I do that. The kids will give lip service but can't fully understand how stressful it is for you.

I'm pretty sure you can do this, I wish I could tell you how other than one day at a time.

If you're at all considering insurance for her under the ACA (rather than a school insurance program or whatnot), open enrolment is for only 60 days following the qualifying event date on which you lost your COBRA coverage. Just thought I'd mention it.

I know. I went through this rodeo when I lost my job. And when my husband died and my kids lost their insurance. And when the COBRA my husband's company paid for for them expired and they lost their insurance again......

I think it's very telling about this whole shitshow that a the death of a parent is not a "life event" that allows insurance changes mid-term. but losing insurance is.

I figured as much; but, brought it up because the delay in notification this time could throw one's sense of timing off. It was lousy that it happened that way.

JFC. Fukkk