Car, Car, C-A-R, Stick Your Head
 

In a Jelly Jar!

We were talking today about songs and chants we used to recite as kids and regional variations.

Jingle bells, Santa smells...
etc.

What do you recall these many years later?

jingle bells, batman smells, robin flew away
Kojak lost his lollipop so he ate a Milky Way

Jesus Christ, Superstar,
Wears frilly knickers and a see-through bra
Did a skid, Killed a kid
Chopped of his knackers on a dustbin lid

My boys sing a song about blowing up their teachers on the school bus to the tune of 'on top of old smokey'.

Ours was a bit different.

Jingle bells, batman smells, robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost its wheel and joker takes ballet (hey!)

On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese
I lost my poor meatball, when somebidy sneezed
It rolled off the table and onto the floor
and then my poor meatball rolled out of the door
it rolled into the garden, and under a bush
And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush.

my kids sing a bloody version of "dashing through the snow"

...but thankfully they're in bed now, so i can't ask them for the lyrics

It's been a few years since I heard my kids sing their version, but I think it goes like this:

Dashing through the snow,
on a pair of broken skis,
o'er the hills we go,
smashing into trees
ow, ow, ow
The snow is turning red,
I think I'm almost dead.
I woke up in the hospital,
with stitches in my head.

Joy to the world,
The school burned down.
And all the teachers cried!
We're looking for the Principle
He's hanging on the flagpole
Swinging by his underwear,
Swinging by his underwear,
Swi-ing-ing by-y-y his un-der-wear.

We three kings of orient are
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar
It exploded, we reloaded
Now we are on the moon

Joy to the World,
The teacher's dead
We barbecued her head!
Don't worry about the body
We flushed it down the potty
And round and round it goes
And round and round it goes
And ro - und, and ro - und and round it goes.

As I was walking down the street one dark and gloomy day
I came upon a billboard and much to my dismay
The sign was torn and tattered from the storm the night before
The wind and rain had done it's work and this is what I saw:

Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes, chew Wrigley's Spearmint beer,
Ken-L Ration Dog Food keeps your wife's complexion clear
Simonize your baby with a Hershey's candy bar
And Texaco's the beauty cream that's used by all the stars.

So take your next vacation in a brand new Frigidaire
Learn to play the piano in your winter underwear
Doctors say that babies should smoke until they're three
And people over 65 should bathe in Lipton Tea.

We're like a modern Brothers Grimm, getting all these folk songs into print.

I see stars, I see Mars,
I see someone's underdrawers.

Great big globs of greasey slimy gopher guts,
Dirty little babies feet,
Mutilated monkey meat
And me without my spoon
But I had a straw
(sluuuuurrrp!)

That's a (slight bastardization of a) real song, by Homer & Jethro. Got radio play in the 50s and everything.

I see London, I see France, I see Pete's underpants.

Three cheers for the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver
Three cheers for the bus driver, bus driver's here.
He drinks and he smokes and he tells dirty jokes
Three cheers for the bus driver, bus driver's here.

mama mama can't you see?
what the baby's done to me?
took away my MTV
now i'm watching dumb barney
Tic Tac Toe three in a row
barney got shot by GI Joe
mama called the doctor and the doctor said
oops barneys dead shot in the head
(don't stop slappin' 'till your hands get red)

Miss Lucy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven and the steamboat went to
Hello operator, get me number nine
And if you disconnect me, I'll chop off your
Behind the 'frigerator there was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy sat upon it and broke her little
Ask me no more questions and tell me no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom zipping up their
Flies are in the meadow, the bees are in the park
The boys and girls are kissing in the D-A-R-K dark!

(yeesh, that's an OLD one.)

me Chinee, me play joke, me put pee pee in your coke!

Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
chopped up baby parakeet
All these things are very very good to eat
'cept I forgot my spoon.
They gave me chopsticks
And indigestion...
excuse me... <barfing noises>

Eenie-meenie essa-meenie
ooh-ah ah-bellini
essa-meenie sala-meenie
ooh alla-ah -- tutti frutti
Down down baby
Down by the rollercoaster
Sweet sweet baby
I'll never let you go
Shamrock, shamrock, shammy shammy shamrock
Caught you with your boyfriend, naughty naughty
Won't do the dishes, lazy lazy
Stole a piece of candy, greedy greedy
Jumped out the window, crazy crazy
Eenie-meenie essa-meenie
ooh-ah ah-bellini
essa-meenie sala-meenie
ooh alla-ah -- tutti frutti

And a classic:

Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac
All dressed in black, black, black.
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back.
She asked her mother, mother, mother
For 50 cents, cents, cents.
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants
Jump over the fence, fence, fence.
They jumped so high, high, high
They touched the sky, sky, sky
They never came back, back, back
Till the 4th of July, July, July

Whistle while you work,
Hitler is a jerk,
Mousolini pulled his weenie,
now it doesn't work.

Deck the hall with balls from Collies
fa la la la la la la la la

[of course it was about dogs :eyebrow:]

The Lawnmower Song:

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
That I overlooked before.
One leg is missing
The second is torn
The third leg is scattered all over the lawn
There's no need explaining
The one leg remaining
Is out on the carport floor
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
That I over looked before!

One bright morning, in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
Pulled out their knives and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise,
He came and arrested the two dead boys.
Now, if you don't believe this tale, so tall,
Just ask the blind man, he saw it all.

Tarbender, my wife says I've had tee many martoonis. But, I'm not as much under the alfluence of incahol as some thinkle peep I am.

Nice! ;)

On top of Old Smokey
All covered in sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a red rubber band.

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She was forty feet wide.

I wasn't quite satisfied,
She wasn't dead yet,
So I took a machete
And cut off her head.

:bolt:

Shaw's post reminded me of this...

Lizzie Borden took an axe
gave her mother 40 whacks
When she saw what she had done
gave her father 41

OMG that is so funny, classic.

I was walking through the hallway the other day and heard some girl tell some other girl "I'm gonna axe my dad about that." (To those who are reading an oral-joke challenged, she meant 'ask')

I mumbled to myself "Who are you, Lizzie Fucking Bordon?"

:lol:

Inky-dink a bottle of ink
the cork fell out and you stink
not because you're dirty
not because you're clean
just because you kissed the girl behind the magazine.


How about one to decide who is "it"?

doggie doggie diamond
step right out

one potato two potato...

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a tiger by the toe.
If he hollers let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
My mother told me
To pick the very best one,
And you are [not] it!

jim and jinx
sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes jinx with a baby carriage!

:)

milk, milk
lemonade
'round the corner
fudge is made!

Leprosy.
That old rotten man just touched my knee.
Now my flesh is falling off of me.
Oh, I think I got leprosy.

Suddenly
I'm just half the man I used to be.
There are pieces coming off of me.
Yes, leprosy came suddenly.

Why'd my arm fall off?
I don't know, no one will say.
I know something's wrong,
'cause my leg just walked away (without me.)

Yesterday,
I could always lounge the time away.
Now my bed is in a slimy way,
Oh, leprosy's ruined my day.

Why did I get cursed
with this rot? I need to hide.
I'm sure I'm diseased
for my spleen fell out my side. (ooooohhhh.)

Leprosy
has become a big problem for me.
All my friends now run away from me.
Oh how I hate this leprosy

Diahrrea, uh uh
Diahrrah, uh uh
Some people think it's funny
but it's really brown and runny.

Diahrrea, uh uh
Diahrrah, uh uh
Some people think it's gross
but it's really good on toast.

Suffocation, super suffocation
Suffocation, a game we like to play

First you get a paper bag
Then you put it on your head
Go to bed
Wake up dead
Ohhhhhhhhhh...

Suffocation, super suffocation
Suffocation, a game we like to play

Then you get a rubber hose
Then you put it up your nose
Turn it on
Then you're gone
Ohhhhhhhhhh...

Ye Cannae Shove Yer Granny Aff a Bus!
Ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus,
Oh ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus,
Ye cannae shove yer granny, for she's yer mammy's mammy,
Ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus.

Ye can shove yer other granny aff a bus,
Ye can shove yer other granny aff a bus.
You can shove yer other granny, for she's yer daddy's mammy,
Ye can shove yer other granny aff a bus.

Ahem, Ahem, me mother's gone to church.
She told me not to play with you because you're in the dirt!
'tisn't because you're dirty, 'tisn't because you're clean,
It's because you've got the whooping cough
And eat margarine!

Stick your head in a jelly jar
 

I love this thread ! My mom taught us the catchy car car chant and now my two kids chant it when we take walks . I also had most of my neighbors saying it as well !

Well Hello LIL, welcome to the Cellar. Was this thread how you found us?

Great song. I love this