A poem...
 

If I'm one of your least favorite people, don't even bother reading this, because I really can't deal with any more right now. I'm serious. Say, "hey, nice meter, nice rhyme," or "dude, that sucks ass," or "why is your poetry so fucking depressing?" or whatever...I can deal with that, because I really only write for myself. But I truly can't take anymore shit about whining or whatever, cause I'm feeling more desolate and hopeless than I've ever felt in my life ....

I only write poetry when I'm severely depressed, so don't expect anything warm and fuzzy...My life is about as low as it can get right now, and even though the poetry doesn't make it all better or relieve the pain, it at least gets it out a little, you know?...And maybe it can make someone who's feeling the same way feel a little better knowing that they're not alone....

Sidhe


I WAS WRONG

There's no such thing as "love" or "us,"
"Forever" is a lie--
A happy start, then finding fault, and finally,
"goodbye."

It sucks you dry, it breaks your heart,
It rips your soul to shreds-
then lays the blame upon your feet, until
you wish that you were dead.

And there you sit, an empty husk,
with nothing left to give-
crying seas of tears and blood, and
seeking a reason to live.

"It's over" echoes in your mind,
as you stare at the remnants of your trust
lying shattered in a pile,
thrown to mingle with the dust.

"Goodbye" rings sweetly in his ears,
already you're forgotten-
A piece of garbage swept away,
flawed and old and rotten.

So never trust, and never love
and never give your heart away-
'Tis better if you never love, for
Oh! The price that you will pay!

The photographs twist in your heart,
the memories twist it more-
The Dagger of What Could Have Been
and What Had Gone Before.

The price of You, Yourself, your Trust,
your Love and Faith and Heart-
for words are only that--just words--
and they'll tear your Soul apart.

What is meant is never said,
what's said is never meant-
Hear me now, and listen close--
"I love you, need you" is the hint.

Do not believe the sweetened words,
the tears, the desperate hug-
For all the promises are empty
and the Grave's already dug.

So heed the voice of one who knows,
Of one who gave her Life
because she Loved, because she Hoped,
Whose Heart has felt The Knife.


Angelia Bernard
LadySidhe
24 May 2005

TS, could you kindly let us know that you're alright?

Wait a minute....I pour the unendurable pain of my soul :bawling: out in a poem, and you're asking if HE'S ok? :eyebrow: :confused:


Next time, try an IM, cause that's cold-hearted, Syc. Really.

See my post in Technology, I'm sill here,

Hey, Sidhe, I need a small favor from you.

Could you go whine at someone that actually gives a fuck? Appreciate it!

Bite my ass, Sycamore. You don't like my posts, don't read 'em. It's not rocket science....hmmm...well, maybe for you....

LS, you asked for criticism on a poem in which you poured out your soul. You set yourself up for it.

Okay, I am not going to delete that post, but I am going to apologize. I understand that you were reaching out and wanted to connect with your grief somehow. I posted without thinking first, so please just forgive me for doing so.

But I am going to say one thing: If you don't want people to attack you or insult you, you should try not coming off so antagonizingly...like in your other posts.

Actually, I rather like the poem. This kind of self expression seems to flow more naturally and it becomes you much better than your debating style.

I'll leave this thread alone, now.

Great poem. I almost shed a tear, myself.

Thanks, case....I think... :eyebrow: *grin*


I can handle it if someone tells me that my poetry sucks. That's not the problem. But Syc doesn't like me for some ancient reason, and what he posted was just mean for no reason.

I may be aggressive when I debate...I can't help that, and I try not to attack people personally, even when I don't agree with their opinions. If I have made some people feel attacked, I apologize. That wasn't my intent. I don't take attacks on my opinion personally, and I forget that everyone doesn't feel the same way.

However, I would NEVER, and have never, been cruel to anyone who was having a bad time. EVER. Nor would I. That's just rubbing salt in a wound, and it's wrong, any way you look at it.

He could've said, "that poem SUCKS." I would've said, "Thanks for the input.... Next?" That's giving an opinion on the work itself. Instead, he gave an opinion on ME, that was unprovoked and uncalled-for and he doesn't even KNOW me.

If there is one thing you've shown during your time here is that you're a drama queen who can't take the heat, but will take pot shots at her husband. So, how about you pour yourself a heaping bowl of Shut Your Fucking Piehole Bitch and suck it?

You've always seemed a bit unstable, so I was checking on your husband. Oh, I'm sorry...are we supposed to be hating on TS right now? My bad...you fucking idiot.

YOW.

sycamore, you heartless fuck.

LS, i know i rank right up there with your 'haters' in your mind.

i can put that aside if you can. i feel for you. we dont have to choose sides to empathize with you. the specifics of your issues with ts are irrelevant. i'm sorry you;re feeling bad right now.

as for the poem.....if it expresses what you feel, and helps to congeal that vague burning in your stomach in to something you can deal with, then it's great. the thing with poetry is that you have to be in a similar state as the author to apreciate it properly. i will argue with the sentiment, however.

there IS such a thing as love and us, and forever is possible.

a snippit from a song:

"hey, my love, do you believe that we might last a thousand years if not for this flesh and blood?"

i do.

it may just be that you haven't found 'him/her' yet. learn to love yourself again, grasshopper. the rest will follow.

feel better......and have some chocolate.

I'm really sorry you're depressed Sidhe, and that things aren't going well for you right now.

But it's really awkward and uncomfortable (for me at least) when you post such intimate things about your relationship when your husband is also on this board. I know you've done it before, and it appears TS doesn't really have a problem with it. But it makes me queasy. :(

You write for yourself and posting doesn't help(you) but there might be a kidred spirit that will read it, understand it and be reasured by it?
At least that's what I got from the post. But, I wonder why you posted it in the Cellar rather than somewhere else? You've been away for a while so I assume there is a somewhere else(site) you've been hanging out.
I suppose there aren't many places you could post that without a flame retardant suit except maybe poetry sites with their attendant women and sensitive guys. :haha:

Now the poem itself, well done, basic gut level emotions everyone has felt to some degree at least once.
I can identify with the feelings. Might be the beginnings of a hit song.... blues or country.......it'd sell a lot of beer. ;)

Shoot--I didn't even know you and TS were married! :smack:
It's ok, LS. You know I feel a similar angst. We should get over it together and be better people and live a better life whatever may come along. Currently I am working on a spell to make fleas infest his pubic hair--I'll let you know if it works! Depression is anger turned inward. Don't get depressed, get even!*

*Or take the high road and be noble. Me, I'm incapable of it, but that's just where I am right now.

LJ: No, you're not on my hater's list. You've never been vicious to me. Not agreeing with me is not the same as being vicious. And thanks...

Clodfobble: Y'know, you're right. Noted and implemented.

xoBruce: Yeah, I wonder why I posted it here, too...I don't know..I was just typing, I guess, and sometimes I forget how things can go here.
And I really don't know why people have such a problem with me....I'm not the only one who holds my opinions, but it seems I'm the only one who gets slammed for them. I'm not hateful to people, I don't attack people personally...I'm a nice person, and I'm not unstable, despite the psychic diagnosis of Dr. Sycamore. (Does he really think that I would harm someone that I love, no matter how much I hurt? Jesus...). I guess I'm just used to a different style of debate. No one who knows me personally has a problem with it. I'm sorry if I come off like a bitch. I'm really not.


Brianna: Thanks. You're probably the only other person who can identify. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to, y'know? I keep forgetting that this aint the place :headshake :) ....do you ever just feel so frustrated that you wish you had a bed-sized pillow to beat and cry on, just to get it out? Yup, I'm there. I think half my problems come from taking the high road, but right now I just don't have the energy to do much else. Being vengeful isn't in my nature, though sometimes I wish it were...

Thanks again.

Syc,

As a favor to me could you ease up? I know you have a personal animosity towards her, but narrow it down to a critique of the poem if you could.

Please.

1. I'm not a doctor. I was very careful with my use of words. Go reread the post where I used the term "unstable."

2. People are strange creatures, and do strange things.

Your wife wrote a poem. Given the tone of the poem, and my thoughts on her stability, I asked if you were okay...very simple thing. Your wife then whined about that b/c she wanted to be the center of attention in the thread, apparently. She could have simply ignored my question to you, but she decided to open her mouth. So, as far as I'm concerned, she got what she deserved. If she chills the fuck out and doesn't talk shit anymore, I probably won't "be tough" or "heartless" or whatever the hell anyone else wants to call it.

Believe it or not, Sidhe, I found the poem to be interesting, and feel some sympathy and compassion for you. But you're in a glass house right now...I think you know the rest...

Since my mind control machine is in the shop at the moment I can't control either of your actions. I have to content myself with asking for some moderation from both parties and hoping for the best.

You got ripped off, dude...it never worked on me. :)

I think everybody needs to retire to neutral corners until the bell rings again.

Well, I can say one thing....If I WERE unstable :crazy: , when I snapped :fuse: , Sycamore would be the first to go... :nadkick:

But since I'm not, and since I'm a basically nice person, so I'll just ignore him instead. I don't see the point in a curse-fest, anyway.

Stand in line...it's a long one.

I think you need to get that Manifesto for Monday ready.

Have I let you down, you stupid, jive-ass motherfucker? I got all kinds of shit.

Why aren't you doing your own manifesto instead of stirring up shit here? :p

Some may call it "stirring shit." I like to think it of as "concern" and "tough love."

Wolf graciously volunteered to write Monday's Manifesto.

It could be manifesto research. We must wait and see. :biggrin:

I don't write Manifestos about the Cellar that often, b/c I don't find the Cellar that interesting these days.

Well stay away then

Hey Buster, how about you go fuck yourself?

So why are you here? Just to be an ignorant troll and piss people off?

Honestly? Sheer boredom...though I do enjoy some of the people and the conversations. I take on village idiots and defend myself, and that makes me an ignorant troll? Goddamn...I knew you were a fucking retard, but I didn't realize how bad it had become.

What are you gonna do, you big pusswipe? You gonna be a tough guy and kick me off just like you did with Dave and Mari? I dare ya to!

Actually, I didn't kick Mari off. But claiming that I did took care of two birds with one stone, so to speak, so I let it be. Actual banned people have the user title "banned".

If you like, I can stir shit up on YOUR forum, and then we'll see the Sycamore policy on user baninnation.

You think I've stirred shit up here? Oh, Tony...all that dope smoking has finally gotten to you, it seems.

As far as making trouble on my forum...make my day.

Ah never mind, I wouldn't want to inconvenience your reader.

Figures.

Ok, enough is enough. Screw holding my tongue. Sycamore, you are an ass. You're jumping on UT for calling it like he saw it? What IS your problem? Dude, you need to save up and get laid. THEN try growing up.

You don't have to like me, and as a matter of fact, I'm glad you DON'T. It would make me question the kinds of people I'm drawing--but attacking UT the WAY you did was just way out of line. Of all the people here, he's the one person I've NEVER seen be a jerk to anyone, and who seems to be a genuinely nice guy.


You're pathetic.


*note to Cellarites*

I know I said I was going to make an effort to be nice, but he was WRONG. Cussing people out is not discussion, and therefore does not fall under my "making an effort to be diplomatic" promise.


Sidhe

Interesting...so...

Sycamore calls it like he sees it = ass

UT calls it like he sees it = hero

Gotcha.

Sidhe, I'm sorry that you feel the way you do about me. Here...I have something for you...maybe you can use this as an avatar on another board:

http://sycamoreland.com/bosque/attentionwhore.jpg

I've seen UT act a fool on several occasions, notably towards Mr. Levy and Mari...either you ignored it, or didn't see it. I used to think that UT was a really cool guy...in fact, we were friends IRL for a time. Unfortunately, he's become a severe assclown over the past couple of years. Maybe he's always been like that, and divorcing his wife let him be himself again...*shrugs*...I dunno.

UT is more than welcome to ban me...but he probably won't because he knows I'd like him to. He's also welcome to come over to my board and "start shit"...but he probably won't because of his raging case of pussyitis. Of course, I encourage him to repent his assholeness in the Church of the Whale Penis.

Like I said, Sidhe...that line's a long one...better get in before it gets too long.

I suspect that LJ might see this later and attempt to jump in. So, LJ, if you do see this, and are considering entering this, let me remind you of your last 2 scraps with me:

--You were issued verbal beatdowns.
--You shot yourself in the mouth by attacking my physical appearance.

So, I don't think it's really in your best interest to join this...really.

No--expressing your opposing opinion by cursing people out and generally attacking them makes you an ass.

You call me an attention whore? I'm not the one doing all of the above. Besides--that's what the "ignore" list is for.

And as for the picture...I'm so much cuter than that, so I think I'll pass.

Thanks anyway, though.

Sidhe, you set yourself up in the first place, as did Buster and UT...hell, you're still setting yourself up. Goddamn, I thought you were smarter than that.

I didn't ask to be bothered...shit, I merely asked if your husband was okay, and you got all retarded about it. Sure...I could have blown off the rest of your crap as well as the other knuckleheads, but what the hell...I decided to stand my ground. Nothing wrong with that, as I see it.

Please...PLEASE...put me on your ignore list...oh please do it! You won't be the first, you won't be the last. It'd be a great honor!

*sigh* You're becoming too tedious to even bother answering anymore...

:apaw:
(no hand, so I had to use the next-best thing--as in "talk to the...")

Awww...I'm touched! :blush:

Syc, drink your cheapass liquor and do some relaxin'.

I've been relaxed since 6:15 last Monday morning, hon. :)

Got an early start, didja?

No, that's when I was last in my apartment in Philly.

Quote: Awww...I'm touched!


I suppose that's one way of putting it....

You're so cute...why don't you go shove that olive branch up your ass and go play in some traffic?

Lady Sidhe - I would like to comment on your poem, i really like the forst few verses.. they were well constructed and very emotional.. however in the last few - it seemed to get very, clouded? less constructed.. its like two different peoms the top one, and the bottom one. Toward the end i lost interest in the poem - whereas at the start - i was very drawn into your emotion.

Good vibes and well wishes go out to both you and TS - i hope that you will one day be able to look back at your time together and smile because of all the good times - yet at the same time look forward to your long and individually progressing lives. Your both smart, funny, caring and open minded people - when one door closes, and the fire inside the house is singing your back hairs.. Jump out the window ;) There is a beautiful garden outside!!

After observing the "goings on" in this thread i find it strange that others like SV, Bri, and Catwoman can start similar threads on their relationships and get completely different responses than you have - Perhaps i just dont spend enough time in here to understand why that may be. But i thought it was quite perculiar..

was there a poem here somewhere, or has it been lost in all the hoot peewings?

that little flamefest was kind of refreshing actually. i think i'll take jaguar off my ignore list today. i can never stay good and pissed off for more than a weekend.

You had jag on your ignore list? Did his communist rantings finally get to you? :)

he was deliberately crawling up my ass and setting off roman candles. Like a schmuck, I heartily ate the troll bait and imploded. I see now that by ignoring him, I'm depriving myself of fuel for my righteous indignation, and he has one less person to feel superior to. I'm still not going to take being insulted, but have decided to sink to his level instead of ignoring him like a boring "adult". Far more engaging that way.

He still thinks I'm a clueless fucktard and I still think he traded his soul for a soiled paperback copy of Das Kapital he found in a dumpster behind a coffeehouse.

Sun_Sparkz: Thanks for the critique. I'll have to read over it again. And as to the last paragraph of your comments, I noticed the same thing. I don't know the whys, and I don't suppose there's really a point in trying to find out. *shrug*

Sycamore: Is that the best you can do? Take your ball and go home. The olive branch wasn't extended to you. You're hopeless as far as friendship material is concerned. I see no reason to be pleasant to you, because you're simply an unpleasant person. I'm looking for someone with a more open mind and a more extended vocabulary.


MrNoodle: Yup, it's the first post...:lol:


Sidhe

Oh, I'm so hurt! Boo hoo hoo! Sidhe doesn't want to be friends with me! Oh, what will I ever do?! Oh, this is so horrible! Oh my God! Waaaaaaaaah!

Posted by Sidhe 5/28/05: If anyone feels I've attacked them personally, I apologize. I won't apologize for being opinionated, because everyone here is, or we wouldn't be here.

It wasn't intended as an insult, sycamore, although I know that's the track your mind is on. It was just a statement of fact. *shrug*

And yet, you keep talking to me.

Statement of fact? *laughs* Are you serious?

Sycamore: fuck, quack, bitch, quack, fucker, quack, fuck you, quack....


Sidhe: :rolleyes: :apaw: :zzz: :lol2: