Would you call the cops?
 

Today at work, one of my co workers was telling me about something that happened to her Grand daughter yesterday.

GD was walking home from school past the school bus stop when one of the boys flopped his member out and started rubbing himself up against her - masturbating.

GD called out to her brother who was some distance in front with his ipod stuck in his ears, so he didn't hear her.

The other 'boys' at the bus stop were egging the masturbator on.

Somehow GD got away (I don't have any details on how) and went home and told her mother.

Mother called the school and the boy has been suspended and the 'boys' have all been reprimanded.

Grandmother says they weren't intending to call the cops because the school is dealing with it. Also, that the perpetrator has what sounds to me like aspergers (grandma says he has something wrong with him where he doesn't understand boundaries) so she feels sorry for him to an extent.

My view is that it was sexual assualt and this girl is likely to be traumatised for some period of time if not long term. Also, this boy has committed a crime and the other 'boys' are almost as guilty.

What do you think? Should I call the police and report what is in my opinion a crime even though I wasn't there and all the info I have is third hand?

My first reaction is yes - call them right now. However, the difficulty lies in the fact that you are somewhat removed from the situation and all you've got is hearsay.

On the balance of that I'd still call them, and tell the story pretty much like you've told it here, filling in the relevant details. Then the ball's in their court, investigate or ignore.

What if you do nothing and something worse happens?

That's what I was trying to tell granny today. Even if the boy does have aspergers, that doesn't excuse what was 'alledgedly' done.

I think I'll call them tomorrow unless someone can give me a good reason not to.

Hmmm, tough one Ali.

I'm of the opinion to call, because yeah...what if something worse happens? That aside, what was done needs to be dealt with, this wasnt on school grounds (?) so, it should be the funstoppers that deal with it. What kinda message is GD getting here?

The problem is that you are so far removed and are gonna look like a bit of a twat because of the 3rd hand thing....but...if no one else is going to do anything about it...I'd say you need too.

Let us know how you go yeah? I'd be interested to hear what the police say.

Call the police? Sorry, but in my opinion it's none of your business. I know you want to help but it doesn't deal with you at all, no offense. I'm just saying you can voice your own opinion on the matter but it's not your right to do anything about something that has nothing to do with you. And I mean this in the nicest most supportive way. I disagree when outsiders try to take initiative on something that they don't need to take initiative against. Save it for the family and school, it's something you heard from the coworker, who's to say she got the whole story right either, you could be falsifying a bold statement in calling the cops.

Anyway how old are these kids? And is the boy mentally challenged?

they should beat him to death....with his own shoes....

I wonder where the boy's parents are on this thing. After he was suspended, were they like "Oh my god we have a demented pervert in the making" and went to get help or were they like "puh, he's just a boy." Whether anything is being done from the family's end would weigh a lot in my decision to notify authorities; in some cases it may be the only chance for the boy to get help. Whatever that help may be worth.

In some way, shape, or form, the boy needs to learn it was not acceptable behavior and that there are consequences to his actions.

if it was me and if i understand correctly you work with the GM, i would encourage her to speak with the boys parents and find out exactly how he is to be punished - because expelling him from school is not punishment - she needs to know how they are going to handle the situation. if measures aren't taken to ensure something is done - maybe the GD can get bigger brother to handle it.

"sexual assault"??? "traumatized"??? wow. How about "get over it"? We're all really getting to be a bunch of whiny drama queens and it sickens me.

Before anyone goes slinging "sexual assault" around, what about considering the age of the child(ren) involved? Because I know some 5-6 year olds that have been suspended/expelled under the "zero tolerance" policy for "sexual assault" - their actions being as innocent as kissing another child on a playground or looking up a skirt. Which is ridiculous. That's part of growing up. You go tell the teacher, and the teacher makes him sit out of recess and tells the parents. The end. It's inappropriate, but certainly not "assault".

If these are pre-pubescent children, I would let it go as far as the cops go. Perhaps the school should be notified so they can in turn notify the assaulter's parents who will hopefully explain the inappropriatness of his behavior to him, and enforce some kind of punishment or perhaps address his special needs in a different manner.


If the assaulter is handicapped, well, it might be best to let it go. Boys are boys, they're going to pull sh!t like this, especially when there's a group of them egging him on. Is it appropriate behavior? Hell no. But combine a handicap with peer pressure and you're going to have a slew of bad decisions on the part of that boy.


Now, if we're talking about teenagers... well... they're all little arseholes and it's best to ignore that kind of behavior lest they see how worked up you get over it and continue to illicit the reaction from you over and over again. School should be notified, parents notified so it can be addressed. But cops? That's going overboard.


Perhaps the GD would benefit from a woman's self defense course at the local dojo. I took one with my mom in my early teens, once a week for 6 weeks, and successfully learned how to avoid and defend an attack. For example, the GD might learn that if she were to forcefully take hold of assaulter's unit as he is rubbing it on her, and yank/twist it violently or simply deliver a swift kick/knee to the groin area, maybe assaulter wouldn't think it so fun to assault her anymore. Any young woman would benefit from learning how not to sit idly like a defenseless lump, and stand up for herself.


Please note, however, I am not being unsympathetic to the girl, and overly sympathetic to the boy. If it was MY kid doing the assaulting, I can guarantee you I'd whoop his ass into to next week. But, then, I'm not one of those parents who defends their kid's ill behavior and makes excuses for them. I'm just trying to be sympathetic to the way other people are raised and, unfortunately, this is the kind of sh!t you deal with your entire life. There's always going to be some jerkoff pissing you off. Just gotta focus on your own actions to be successful in avoidance and dealing with issues as they arise and not becoming victimized.

If the grandmother heard that the boy has aspergers or some other known condition, I'm sure the parents, the school, and various counselors are all involved. They have all probably been dealing with this condition for years. The parents are probably distraught. They want their kid to be able to lead as normal a life in society as possible, and probably see this as a terrible setback.

This is a really difficult situation. It would be great if there was a way for the boy to learn this was wrong and stop doing it. If it looks like that isn't sinking in, then maybe he shouldn't be in a regular school with everyone else. I doubt the cops have the tools to make this situation better for anyone, but if nobody else has the tools either, then maybe the cops should be involved.

Either way, it's not Ali's call to make. One of the parents or officials should be contacting the police, if at all.

If this is a situation where the families know each other, I can see why they didn't call the cops -- it's often better to keep that kind of situation between the families, at least if you know that the parents of the little creep will take the situation seriously. If it happened again, though, I would probably react more strongly. Unwanted sexual touching is a SERIOUS offense, not just "boys being boys."

I would have called the cops. The "school dealing with it" = no consequences for what is an extremely serious behavior.

As a coworker of the grandmother of the victim you would have, or if you were a parent?

Absolutely. My notion of conflict resolution might be different since I'm a mandated reporter, though.

smurfalicious says to get over it? If someone whips out their junk and rubs it on you, it's the textbook definition of sexual assault regardless of the age of the people doing it.