I'll tell you what cockroaches DON'T like...
 

Having the nylon tip of a ƒucking drumstick tapping the surface they planned to scurry across--TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA... or maybe, the other way? TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA... yeah, ƒucker, I have two hands. And I don't care how quick on your feet you are, that shit ain't gonna work today.

Yes, run into the sink. TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA... Nope, not gonna get out that way. TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA... Don't mind me while I move the few dishes you were trying to hide behind. TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA... Yeah, one-handed. Smash! Smash! Over here. Smash! Smash! Over there, you'd definitely get smashed the hell out of by one of those giant wooden sticks that are just unmercifully pounding all of the visible escape routes you might have a chance to reach. TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA...

Hey, you like water, right? Aren't you called a water bug? Here's some water for you. Does that make it hard to get a foothold? TATATATATATATATATATATATATATA... I figured you might like to escape into some dark, grimy sewer pipes, huh? Just kidding, though, because there's a wire mesh over the opening, so you're kind of trapped, trying to keep your little head above water. Hot water. Rather hotter than you would like? You're kind of flailing about as if you would prefer less scalding-hot water. TATATATATATATATA...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT-TATATA ANYWAY?

You like Star Wars? You know that scene where Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite? Well, I don't have any of that-tatatatata, but let's just try this Comet. Here ya go. I'll just go ahead and bury you in that-tatatatata. In case you're not-tatatata dead aleady anyway, you might-tata like to get buried in a pile of caustic chemicals, there in the bottom of the sink, you filthy bastard. And I hope you can send distress signals out to your buddies.

Be sure and mention that you had no ƒucking chance to make it out of here alive. You came to the wrong house, and wound up in hell. You son-of-a-bitches may think you are the quickest shit around with your little scurry-in-an-evasive pattern bullshit, but guess what? That shit ain't gonna work around here. You ƒuckers. Try it.

so....you have roaches? and you told everyone on the internet about it? pooka is gonna be mad about this.

We live in Texas, dude. And it rained today.

is that part of life in texas then?

like.....regardless?

No, I mean we could poison them, but, you know, kids crawling around all over the floor and what not.

Make damn sure you finish that sucker off, Flint, 'cause if you don't, it will survive and mutate because of all the chemicals and stress homones and stuff, and in about five years time, the biggest meanest truck-sized mo-fo mutant cockroach ever spawned is going to come stomping down your street, smash through your front wall with its eight-foot long mandibles, and go TATATATA all over your weak flimsy endoskeletal body with its twelve - count them, twelve! - hairy, hook-like talons, squealing "Hiiishhhhshhhyaaaa! HHiiiishhhhhhssshhhyyaaa!*".



*Cockroach for "Payback time, Twolegs!"


Finish him. Finish him good. Now.

So....you have roaches and you chose to torment and taunt the roach to death?


Poor little bugger. Running pell mell for cover and safety, every avenue terrifying and deadly.

What was that computer game, where you were a cockroach? I never could get past the cigarette in the street.

Mojo something?

We used to have roaches, back when I was building my kayak in the basement. I found one of them once after it had gotten itself stuck in a drop of epoxy the morning after I was working on the kayak. I really don't understand how it possibly could have done that, but it was alive, with its rear legs frozen in a drop of now hardened epoxy.
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1101/...0cabf06eb7.jpg

It lived just long enough for me to take a couple pictures.

And they're a fucking inch-and-a-half long, too. That picture glatt posted? The first time I saw one of those piddly Northern cockroaches, I said in genuine confusion, "Um, that's not a roach... must be, like, a June bug or something."

Well, to be fair, the one in my picture is a baby. It's much smaller than a penny. The big ones are more like an inch.

:: GETS ALL SKEEVED OUT ::

See, LJ, this is why people from Texas are so strong and resourceful. They have to be. We northeastern milquetoasts just can't compete.

I lived in some pretty low-rent places while going to college. All of them had roach problems when I moved in - and didn't when I moved out.

I was working at Sears part-time and got this advice from an old-timer. Boric Acid and sugar. Both are powder. Mix some together and put some behind the fridge on a piece of cardboard or something. Pull out the bottom drawers of your cabinets and put some on the floor underneath. These are places your kids can't get to but the roaches will.

I've never tried this on southern roaches, but it has worked everywhere I've tried it.