Misfortune Cookies
 

They ought to exist.


it is too late for happiness

Your unlucky numbers are any numbers ending in 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, all multiple of 2

Someone close to you will die before you have a chance to ask them

You have heart of fruitfly

Winning lottery number is W

Good Futures are all behind you

Happy endings out of stock



I know you can do better

(^see, that's probably my best one)

They DO exist!

Ha! I didn't even think to search, I was just getting slightly irritated by the latest apparent facebook fad of sharing your fortune...... Ann Arborites eat way too much Chinese food methinks.

I still think we can do better.

"you will die alone and poorly dressed" .....bring it! If I died well dressed it would be because I'd been a veg for long enough that nursing home volunteers were choosing my outfits......

your posterior does not look big, it looks hippopotamus.

erectile disfunction is foretold for you

your enema will be strong and numerous

your nude pictures await your discovery on the internet

This is your last fortune cookie ever!

we saw you make slitty eye sign behind waiter back

You so stupid, you think cookie know better than you.
You right.

you just ate that cookie, didn't you?

"You will die like a dog for no good reason."

Not mine, but Hemingway's. But it seems appropriate here.

Your gender will be defined for you

Your gender role is pre-determined

Your egg roll is pre-despermined

Yes, yes, they do. And they're sold in 5 pound bags. Their store is about 15 minutes from my house.

Tsue Chong Fortune Cookie & Noodle Factory

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny

Cook who make cream sauce is masturbator

employees don't wash hands after using potty

You suck

My dog was named Mein. He was Chow

The thing your mother warned you about will happen.
Your worries are right - your genitals are mis-shapen.
The one you depend on the most will abandon you.
You are right to fear the stairs.