People of the USA, be warned.

If you elect Obama, the Lord will surely destroy you, just as He destroyed Sodom, and Gomorrah, and all other places that aroused His Wrath, for the Lord hates abominations. And if you elect Barry, you will verily become an Obamanation, and surely you will be smote by His fury.

Smote by his furry what? :D

Hey...you got smote in my furry!

No, you got furry in my smote!

Then he will smote us. Ok got that one.

Wait, now Obama is going to smote us!?!?! WTF? Is he God? Some think so, ask Farrakan. :D

Today's mail included a letter for Mrs. Dallas with her Official Union Voting Guide and a reminder to be sure and vote on Nov. 4.

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" "Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln." protested the barkeep.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Too late for a Halloweenie joke? Ok, it's a costume party joke.

Guy gets invited to a costume party where the theme was "emotion." Each person was to wear a costume that portrayed some kind of human emotion.

Guy walks into the party completely naked, except for a hollowed out Bartlett Pear covering his wee wee, ahem, penis.

"What are you supposed to be?" the host asked in horror.

"I'm fuckin' dis pear, man!"

The next guy in line is naked except for a flan covering his penis.
"What kind of emotion are you?"
"I'm fuckin' dis custard"

Well, this didn't take long.


One potential problem with the new president elect:

Attachment 20301

(searching for the "That's racist!" kid animated gif...)

Down here, it's pronounced 'fiddy'

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy ), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.

That used to be a joke about Austrians. The other emotion was fucking dis custard. :)

The bono one is also better with the scottish accent.

Seven reasons not to mess with a child
 

these are great

http://www.badpets.net/Humor/Kids/KidsEmbarrass.html

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

A. A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye!