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theotherguy 10-10-2007 06:00 PM


OK. So, I think Razz's bruises are from a bar fight with a 3ft midget wielding nothing but a very stale loaf of bread and a non-lethal cat-o-three-tails.

SteveDallas 10-10-2007 06:51 PM

Why three? Is there numerological significance?

theotherguy 10-10-2007 06:54 PM

Nope. I had not noticed I used the number three twice in one sentence (the numbers in this one were on purpose).

Razzmatazz13 10-10-2007 10:32 PM

LOL I was going to tell after the next guess...but now you're all amusing me with responses...guess I'll have to keep it a secret a little longer :D

Flint 10-10-2007 10:54 PM

I think lumberjim's face qualifies as a bruise on the ass of good taste.

lumberjim 10-11-2007 01:36 AM


I'll rochambeaux you.

HungLikeJesus 10-12-2007 05:31 PM

I was once standing by a hydraulic press that broke and was hit in the face by a solid bar of steel - right across the nose and cheek. As far as I remember, that's the only bruise I've ever had. Sorry, but I didn't get any pictures. I didn't consider the possibility that it was an art form.

theotherguy 10-12-2007 05:34 PM

That's what ya get for pissin' off a hydraulic press.

rkzenrage 10-13-2007 02:02 AM

I've got a pic of a real bad one from my angeo somewhere.

Sundae 10-13-2007 05:35 AM

My Dad showed my brother a picture of the bruise on my foot last night. IN CHURCH!

We were there for my niece's confirmation, so Dad had his camera of course. Before the service started he was checking it was all set up (there was a photo op at the altar to stop people taking pics during the service) and he came across it. He was so pleased with himself that neither my brother nor I reminded him that bro had seen the real thing when I was here last weekend.

ZenGum 10-13-2007 09:30 AM


Originally Posted by Razzmatazz13 (Post 393280)

I'll leave the mystery here for you guys to guess what these are from.

1. Attacked by vicious three toed sloth with a penchant for headbutting, said sloth being offended by your apparent lack of belly button. (Where is it, btw?)

2. Playing ultimate frisbee on a mostly-grass field with a few bits of gravel ... dived for the disk, landed awkwardly on the disk leading to stomach bruising, scratches caused by gravel (see, personal experience).

3. Tragic and gruesome photoshop accident.

4. Oversized dog with amorous intent.

5. A small, one-man fighter penetrated the outer defenses, evaded the batteries, flew along this trench here (use your imagination, kiddies) and released proton torpedoes, striking this cooling duct (which explains why she has no navel).

6. Self inflicted for fashion reasons. Goddamn emo kids these days.

Seriously, though: there are sets of vertical scratches and horizontal scratches, so not caused by the same motion of impact. There is one serious bruise and a few lesser bruises. My best guess is you were at a party, had a drink, high-heel gave way and toppled you into a rather spiky shrub. Various scratches from twiggy branches, big bruise from the main impact on the trunk ...
Probably wrong though. How about I come around and kiss them better for you. Wait, you are expired jailbait aren't you?

xoxoxoBruce 10-13-2007 09:53 AM

They aren't scratches.

ZenGum 10-13-2007 10:20 AM


Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce (Post 394631)
They aren't scratches.

What, then?
Pinches? Welts (a la cat-o-three tails)? Love bites from a duck? What?

Sundae 10-13-2007 11:49 AM

Ahem, stretch marks.

ZenGum 10-13-2007 12:18 PM


Originally Posted by Sundae Girl (Post 394650)
Ahem, stretch marks.

I didn't want to say that.

Apparently I did these (see n00bs thread in cellar meta), I'm sorry Razz. :(

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