When your SSRI fizzles out
 

My doctor told me to take the summer off--not go to school. I was stressed and anxious and setting goals that were too high for myself (must prove self worthy of love via high honors, etc.) and generally geeking. They put me on a new antidepressant--from 80mg Prozac (was feeling v. numb on that) to 450 mg. wellbutrin. It's been three 1/2 months on the wellbutrin and though I feel less numb, I still have these shitty depressions and anxious moods where I feel like I'm going to fly into bits and dissolve. Of course, they cannot give me any good anxiolytics like xanax or ativan or similar. I just have to work thru it. Well, some days I can't work thru it. I think I should have taken at least one or two classes to keep my mind occupied. The professor is back from London and of course he's gotten in touch and of course THAT'S not helping...gads, I'm rambling. Anyway--I guess I should change RX again...sigh. I hate this shit. It seems the longer you deal with depression the harder it is to lift it. :(

Oh Brianna , your light shines bright and clear through all that suffering . And that light , and therefore darkness at times , has nothing to do with the medication you talk about . You are fine and lovely .

Brianna,

I know exactly what you mean. It's not an easy battle. Good days and bad, but I still know I have more good than bad...not like before.

Hang in there; I suspect you have been dealt the "gift/curse" meaning you're very intelligent AND very sensitive. A tough combination but also what makes you special and unique.
:)

I do not think that Brianna is unique , Shawnee . That sort of phrase is cold comfort , and not true at all . Brianna is like everyone else . She is certainly like me . It is not always easy to live , but comfort can be sought in that knowledge . That knowledge is at the base of any form of art . That is why art exists .

My mother worked in an American school for a while . She said that in comparison to the British system , American children are taught to feel how special and unique they are from an early age . She says that American children are often extremely open and self-confident because of this . This seems good . It is not always good , because I think children should sometimes just shut up , sit down , and listen .

As I have already intimated , I also think that telling people how unique and special they are when they feel sad is counter-productive .

I think that Brianna is fine and lovely , based on the things I have read written by her . I would never insult her by trotting out a set-phrase to do with her being special and unique .

:) you both have really cheered me up! Sometimes, it's just so nice to connect. I think Shawnee's point was that my sometimes black moods are what make me 'me'--but, point taken, buddug, that I am, very much, like everyone else, too, and that is nice to contemplate when one feels lonely. So! I am both myself and like everyone--someone with quel dommage! :)

I do love this place.

Maybe going from one to another drug there might be a little withdrawl ? You are probably better than the med makes you feel.

I don't know if this excersice will help but it won't hurt!

Guided candle meditation

http://meditation.org.au/class1.asp#Exercise%201

I know it's trite, Bri, but make sure you are getting adequate exercise. Those endorphins really can help you relax.

Sounds a bit bonkers to me , skysidhe . Downright bananas .

You talk about endorphins , dar512 . Why can't you just talk about going for a walk ?

Very much, so. I was surprised how much activity can alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety. Also, if you can direct your focus to something other than the symptoms, do it. Creative works help a large number of people.

Brianna is not ill .

You know what? You are a fucking asshole. I do not say things I don't mean and I am really damn sick of you jumping on everything I've ever said. I've even tried to be nice to you after I gave you the what for for you previous obnoxious behavior.

Me saying a few nice words does not give you license to act like you know anything about what I am or who I am, or what I have been through. I have never met anyone before who jumps on people for being nice.

You, buddug, can KISS MY ASS ten times over.

And Brianna, I still think you are unique.

Buttup, though, is a rude loser. Sorry, as I said I don't say things I don't mean.

Fuckwad...how does that fit into your neat little category?

I'm not? I'm pretty sure my doctor thinks so. i think so. I've been depressed (complete with suicidal gestures, each one landing me in ICU) since I was 13. As in, can't MOVE, depressed. I'm pretty sure were it not for SSRI's I would be in the looney bin.

Hey, great idea? Will you go for a walk, Buttup?

:confused: Why not talk about endorphins? It's how the body works. Exercise helps you relax. It's the endorphins that do the job. Why the big huhu?