How to do things The Right Way™
 

Here's two I'm pretty sure about. Add your own.

Grill a Steak

• Use a wood-handled 1” stiff wire brush to do a rough cleaning.
• Thoroughly clean out the dust under the bottom grate to ensure maximum airflow.
• Run out an extension cord, attached to an old hair dryer (will be retired/re-purposed).
• Pile plenty of charcoal in a tight pyramid, with at least half a bottle of lighter fluid.
• Fire it up and use the hair dryer to direct a cleaning cycle. Hit all corners of the grill.
• Once the flames have died down a little, go over the grate thoroughly with the wire brush.
• Manage the coal fire with the hair dryer. Keep the heat even. Get them WHITE HOT.
• Have a perfectly-shaped stick to poke through the grate, spreading the coals evenly.
• Dust off the grate with a whisk broom.
• Wipe down the grate thoroughly with wet paper towels.
• Coat the grate with as much olive oil as you can get to stick.
• Throw the steaks on; ignore the flames.
• Shut the lid; ignore the smoke pouring out.
• Flip ONCE and ONLY ONCE with tongs (do NOT poke).
• NEVER EVER cut the steaks to see if they are done.
• The steaks should come out flame-seared on the outside, with a clearly delineated brown/pink/brown pattern revealed when cut.

Mix a Drink

• Over-fill a short cocktail glass with ice cubes.
• Fill the glass with tap water and shake until all the cubes just fit inside the glass.
• This cleans the freezer burn off the cubes and ensures the glass is FULL of ice.
• Drain the tap water, and add one half inch of clean filtered water.
• This is known as “Wet Ice” and is the basis of a good drink.
• Fill the glass with the straight, hard liquor of your choice.

Yummmm, if you could pour me one of those drinks right now, that would be great.

I'll give it a try, but . . . .
I don't see how this is going to help the taste of the steak. Wouldn't some kind of marinade, or tenderizer, be better?

I meant the cow.

This reminds of a Roseanne episode where Dan (John Goodman) was arguing with his buddies about the best way to arrange the coals in the grill. Dan insisted they'll end up all spread around so why not start with them all spread around, and his friend, a backseat griller, argued that if you stacked them in a pyramid they would heat up as a team. When Dan finally started to put the burgers on the grill his friend said it was too early; the coals weren't hot enough yet. Dan said "that's OK, I'm going to stack them in a pyramid so they'll cook as a team."

I'm trying to come up with something I know how to do The Right Way™ without just going through an OCD list. I'll get back to you.

easier to tear stuff down than build new
 

The drink stuff is superstition. You gonna notice the ice when you're drinking 40 proof booze?

EVOO has a low smoke point. Better to use corn or canola in this matter.

How to Wipe Properly [for ladies]

1) Make sure the toilet paper roll is out not facing the wall to reduce the incidence of paint chips or splinters.
2) Wrap enough toilet paper around your hand to cover most of your forearm as well.
3) Start by going behind your back with your toilet paper wrapped hand.
4) Move your hand underneath and towards the front of your pubic area.
5) Bring your hand and arm back behind your back in a wiping gesture.
6) Unwrap paper and repeat.

If you get the ice out of my mothers freezer, you will.

How to be an Asshole That People Like Anyway™

1. be lumberjim

2. don't be The Mercenary

:lol2:

Another Jim fantasy uncovered.

How to get banned from freerepublic.com:

1. Reg an account, using a proxy.
2. Find the biggest right wingnut jackass on the board.
3. Say you knew him "back in 'Nam", "in his unit", etc, to match whatever claims he made.
4. Reminisce a bit. Be a little over the top, but do not jump the shark.
5. When his lame ass agrees with you, announce that you just made everything up, and that he's a fraud.
6. Post photoshopped pics of a naked Bea Arthur until a mod finally shows up (less than one minute, on average).
7. You have been banned from this site. Date ban will be lifted: Never.

:D

Why do you water down your booze?

Lather
Rinse
Repeat

underwear
shirt
socks
pants
shoes