my favourite customers.
 

this cracks me up:

me: 'thank you for calling the helpdesk, may i have your first and last name?'
them: 'my first name is bill, spelled b-i-l-l'
me: 'and your last name?'
them: 'kryzamanowalkiwiczsteinbergenhammer' *silence*

sorry, needed to bitch.

~james

To which you answer "Essen Sie mein Arschloch." and hang up. :)

where I work (at a university) students have two ids:
-1)student id, seven numbers
-2)internet id (username), first four letters of last name, and four numbers

Me: Can I have your internet ID please?
Them:1234567

grrrrrrrr

Probably the worst part: the retard parade (no offense too any mentally handicapped folks out there).
A string of people that "think" they know about computers and argue with me on how to fix what's wrong.


double grrrrrrr

Why do Universities do this to students, my campus is different instead of two numbers we have one number, but every campus website has a different way in which you have to type it. You can either enter it with the last digit or they might decide to enter it without it. Then again you would think most students could figure this out, sadly though this isn't the case.

Why? usually because there has been no mandate (or, god forbid, funding) from above to encourage a single signon. So each department has generally picked what's worked well for them. Most colleges are now trying to clean this up, and there is more interest in central administration in integrating the different little patches of turf. We should have it straightened out in 10 or 15 years! :cool:

Here's some inane-ity (?) from the other end of the spectrum, the school:
There's an unique id number on the school ID cards (used for students, staff, and faculty). They all start with the same six numbers (600953). Then, there's a string of 10 (ten!) numbers. Then, there's another digit. But, it has NO purpose whatsoever. None.

I don't understand.

customer: "hi! i have an office document which i suspect is infected with a virus because me and 5 other people got a virus from it after passing the file around"
me: "okay, so first thing is to stop passing that file around since its infected with a virus"
customer: "oh, well i already put it on the network for people to use"
me: "did you do this before or after you became aware of the virus?"
customer: "i did it right before i called you"
me: "so youre telling me you knowingly put a file you suspect is infected with a virus on the network for other people to view and get infected?"
customer: "well, management needs this file!"

ugh.

~james

To which you reply, "management needs to re-evaluate your employment" and hang up :)

i work at a bead store...

me: "thank you for calling beadazzled, can i help you?"
them:"yea, do you sell beads?"
me:"we sure do."
them:"with holes in them?"
me:"yes, a bead is an object with a hole in it, so all our beads contain holes."
them:"but you do sell beads also, right?"

this happens more often than id like to remember...

i also get the random requests, but no good ones are popping into my head at the moment.

Usually-
 

I just answer the caller in a friendly and indifferent tone of voice saying "thank you for calling domino's pizza could you please hold?". Nine times out of ten they hang up. But in the rarest moment of exception I patiently inform them that no this is not fuckmart. If they get even nastier, which is a very rare occurance indeed I inform them that soonest delivery available very long time as a failsafe of course.

:(