Best of The Onion
 

Today: Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

Osama bin Laden slideshow: Death of a Motherfucker

http://www.theonion.com/articles/osa...20293/?slide=1

monster, I sent that hostage clip to my mom and brothers. My mom hates the walmart, but we've had occasion to tease her about going there.

U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low

In 2009, the mortality rate in the United States fell 2.3 percent to 741 deaths per 100,000. Here are some of the factors behind the nation's lowest-ever death rate:

1. Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died
2. Loading up boats with really sick people and sending them out to die in international waters
3. The so-called "741-per-100,000 Murderer" was captured and incarcerated
4. Dr. Christopher Walsh of Youngstown, OH started washing his hands
5. Horace Mann Middle School's 1971 removal of asbestos finally started to pay off
6. Good chunk of population now getting three nutritious meals a day via correctional facilities
7. Shorter bridges that make it easier for people to hold their breath all the way across
8. National Rounded-Scissors Act of 2008

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-...ime-low,19787/

That made me chortle.

Me too. I did also like # 3 and # 8.

Some of them just really weren't funny. We could improve that one. :p:

How many Horace Mann schools are out there? I thought the one in Gary, Indiana was the one and only. Ha. They are all over the place.

I didn't get that one. Isn't that the school in School of Rock?

*scurries off to google*

Ahhh, it was Horace Green Elementary.

Binghamton, NY has one.

NSFW content & wording
 

OMG... I am still tearing up with laughter at this one.

I know its old, but dayumm that's a funny scenario to picture.

Kids, Your Mother Is Ready To Start F*cking Again

Now who wants a grilled cheese?
Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

#7 #8