Iraq has a Friend in Pennsylvania ...
 

Ed Rendell is making his list, but apparently not checking it twice ...

His nominee for Pennsylavnia's Homeland Security post appears to have
sold weapons to Iraq.

Welcome to Pennsylvania. America starts (and ends) here. :p

May I humbly submit myself for this position? I have never sold arms to ANYONE, though I would certainly be willing to try.

My first act in office would be to drive an armored vehicle down Chestnut Street, and declare it open for traffic. This would begin my "Homeland Security begins at home" campaign.

Next in that campaign, I would set up a new Law Enforcement agency tasked with homeland security ONLY. Everyone who is a citizen of the US, a resident of PA, and a taxpayer in PA would be made an officer. There'd be a small budget for classes on terrorist identification, marksmanship, and similar items, but members would have to provide their own weapons. (no uniforms; that would defeat the purpose) Of course, being law enforcement officers, they'd be eligible to buy machine guns. And I'd encourage MG manufacturers to move to the state to ensure a local supply of such weapons :-)

Dude, I am SOOO voting for you.

At threat level Red, the CWIS are brought online. Mmmm! ... Ahhh! ... wall of lead ... mumble ...

...as opposed to the Secretary of Defense, who actually met with Saddam for weapons sales....

(slang starts organizing lists of gun nuts and right wing survivalists to contact in preparation for the Russotto campaign)

Hey Syc! You found my plate! I've been looking for that.

Please forward it to:

<center><b>me</b></center>
<center>The Intersection of Saddam Blvd and Saddam Pkwy</center>
<center>Smoking Hole, Iraq</center>

I'll have Osama crawl out of the manhole to retrieve it. He may not get to it right away though, he's learning my chemical and biological distribution systems underground right now.

That plate will look *perfect* on my mantle, with my "mutilated and severed genitals in formaldahyde" collection.

I'll send you a powdery check for your efforts. Or if you'd rather, I'll send you a set of Madonna's "autographed" panties. Thanks in advance.

Your Pal in Iraq,

Me

Hey Saddam, you know that Dubya had a new plate put on his limo, right? I'm not sure, but I think he had you in mind:

http://msdelta.net/~sycamore/cellar/license2.jpg

Only in his wildest, wettest fantasy. Looks to me, the way things are going, I'll be in power *and* have my weapons forever more.

(rolls the power switch to the high setting on his "anal electrocution pursuader" inserted into a dissident)

Sniff, sniff. Something smells like ass. Burnt ass actually.

(dissident writhes in pain)

Now. *Who's* the man? Oh, I forgot, we ripped out his tongue with some visegrips(tm).

(turns attention back to Syc comment)

Sorry, everyone has a hobby, right? With the way people are carrying on, my little lab of horrors will be stocked and operational for quite some time.

Can't blame Dubya for dreaming, but with the UN in on this, I'm feeling pretty secure.

John Street must have been watching you...it reopens April 1.

Don't count your cobblestones before they're rolled over.

Apparently, John was trying to get some sort of jump on Sam Katz...don't recall the whole situation.

Fuck Street...he'll be gone in November. Because the only chuckleheads that will vote for him are union thugs and morons that vote "black for black's sake"...and there doesn't appear to be many of the latter.

Nope, I'm calling the mayoral election now. Street wins by a small but comfortable margin. He's got incumbency, the unions, the race card, and the Democratic vote.