The Cellar - Trip report from the flight from The Outer Limits!

Just a trip report about the strange flight my wife took to get home last Friday. It would have been fitting if the safety video had begun with the opening from that TV show back in the 60's with a narrator telling you not to adjust the vertical or horizontal controls because "you are about to enter The Outer Limits!!!"

The flight was from Calgary to Houston and my wife was in first class in 4D. Just as she was about to take her seat a fellow passenger who was in 5C asked her if she minded changing seats as his wife and small child were in 4A and C. No problem she says and switches. The flight was late arriving so the crew is hustling to get the catering done and mentions there will be no preflight drink because of timing.

After a few minutes my wife notices the man in 1D and the man in 2F are having an argument of some kind. After a few more minutes the FA stands next to them and says something like, "I don't know what the problem is here but you 2 are going to button it up and behave, or I will get security!" The man in 1D proceeds to protest and talk back to her... not a good idea. She stops what she is doing and exits the plane only to return with airport security who escort the man off of the plane. A few minutes later the security returns and asks if any of the other passengers were travel companions with the man removed... heads shake "no" so security takes the man's carry on stuff and leaves. About this time the door is shut and the FA gives the script to take seats, turn off phones, etc... The mother sitting in front of my wife is trying to put a seat belt on little Johnny but he is having none of it and is screaming at the top of his lungs.

The FA comes over and says, "That child must be in his seat with the belt on!"

"I'm trying" says the mother.

"You are the parent, you need to get him to sit with the belt on."

"I am trying" she says while he continues his tirade.

"Well you need to act like the parent!" the FA replies and then the dad gets involved and is not happy with the FA's attitude.

The FA responds, "So you are the other parent? You need to get that child quiet and in the seat with the belt on or we will turn back to the gate and put you all off!"

Having seen one passenger already removed the dad pipes down and the parents comply. Johnny protests but gets belted in. The plane takes off. It's an older 737 with only the old TV monitors above the aisle and suddenly the man in 3C calls the FA over. He asks about the DTV and the FA replies that this jet does not have that form of TV entertainment and will show a movie later. The man is angry and says, "That's not good enough! I have an important show to watch!"

"Well. there isn't much I can do about that" the FA replies.

"I don't care!" the man responds, "That is unacceptable! It isn't good enough"

Keep in mind the flight is well under way at this point... "Well sir, it's an older plane and it does not have DTV and I can't do anything about it, you are welcome to write to United and complain!" and she walks away. The man goes on about how that isn't good enough and he will complain! My wife wonders what show could be so important?

Eventually the movie starts and after a few minutes the FAs are fiddling with the system up in the galley area. Finally they come on the PA and say, "Sorry folks for the inconvenience but we can's seem to fix the audio portion of the movie so if you want to listen in English just use the left earphone and if you want to listen in Spanish use the right one!"

I've seen movies that wouldn't play right but I think that is a first!

One FA starts to take orders for lunch and she goes to where my wife (who is 1K) was originally sitting and takes the man's order. She realizes something is amiss and then takes my wife's order and apologizes. My wife says no problem. Neither FA inquires about drink orders so the passengers sit for 45 minutes or so waiting. Finally after an hour the FA brings the nuts and takes drink orders.... Glad my wife wasn't too thirsty. My wife's seat partner strikes up a conversation and says this is the weirdest flight he's been on and my wife agrees.