Knob Fest
 

we need to arrange a cellar field trip. Where's Lunberjim when you need a dickeating specialist?

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-dorset-32549090

Knob Throwing
Knob-a-thon
Pin the Knob on The Giant

and of course..... The Knob Eating Contest

I can't do any of those things with my knob.

I am, sadly, quite experienced in the polishing thereof, however...