Friendship's value
 

Over periods of time of socializing I tend to accumulate friends, people I have fun with and bond with and will be helpful towards. Then something will happen - a situation where I am the one who needs others - and it will act for me as a great filter, a relationship extinction event that only the strongest friendships survive. I know it's not a realistic sentiment, but somehow in my mind not all allies in life have to be my friends, but all friends have to be allies. A friend who doesn't give a shit is... Well, not much of a friend.

What do you do with "friendships" that turn out to not be as genuine as you would have thought? People who like to hang out with you, perhaps find you enjoyable or entertaining or like your insight, but will not actually be there for you when you need them or act with your best interest at heart, even after you have being there for them?

Do you break it off? Do you stick around but keep them at arms length? Do you resent the "bad investment"? Do you feel like it's ok and you've just learned your place and where you stand with them and can now keep that in mind? Do you stick around for the sunken cost? Do you go out of your way to get rid of them?

I can count on one hand the number of friends of whom I have expectations, and I've known all of them long enough to know those expectations are not ill-founded. If I am there for someone, it is because I am there for them. If they are later not there for me - frankly, it is unlikely I'd have expected them to be.

There's been an odd time through the years - so long ago though, that I couldn't really tell you how I handled it.

Like Dana said, expectations are your life's enemy, traceur. Friendships are about what you give, not what you get, and if you go into it thinking someone will owe you something once you've earned enough points, you are destined for disappointment.

Hmm I am kind of passed that. Regardless of whether you predicted behavior accurately or felt entitled to expect different behavior because of claims made or "points earned", what's done is done. The question is - what do you do with the leftovers?

Those who you can't have expectations from and can't really trust in any meaningful way - what role do you let them have in your life? Do they count as "friends"?

People you thought of as friends who didn't come through for you only got close to spy on you for your enemies. You must plot their demise and eliminate them.


... Or you could just downgrade their status to acquaintances and enjoy them for what they are.

You make that sound so compellingly reasonable :eek6:

Most bait does. :haha:

In recent times I have asked far too much of my friends. I've asked them to come into hell and rescue me.
And the people I've asked that of, all have.

I would never have expected that of them.
Because I'm not them.
My friends are always a better version of me.

I've had wonderful, intense relationships with people, who have never faced any kind of test. We've drifted apart because people do. I hold their friendships close to my heart regardless. If we came into eachother's path at some point I believe we'd take up as we left off, because the friendships were based on things that endure like humour, likes/ dislikes, shared history.

But the friends I've made here, the people who listen, read, and do so much more - well those people I can't allow to slip away. If one does it hurts. But I'll always try my best to get back to where we were, to make amends, to pay back what they invested in me. These people have kept me alive.

I don't love them because they did this or that for me.
I love them because they are totes amazeballs.

I made my last real world friend almost ten years ago. I do not expect to make any more. I don't expect much from the friends I have currently.

For me, my friend will come to the river at two in the morning to give me a jumpstart. He'll come pick me up from jail. He'll let me stay at his house if I need to.

Then there are acquaintances, and then, there are people I know.

Then there's the rest of the world.

I'd jump (start) your bones.
Plz to friend me on bacefook.

Sorry dahlink, I don't Facebook.

S'okay, me neither.

Musical Interlude
 

So.. Does that happen, to... anybody?

A bunch of people sticking together since college for a decade, all living in the same place, never moving away for a job or partnership or starting a family, never fading or growing apart, never changing their interests or social preferences... We should bash sitcoms for creating unrealistic social image expectations (Extroversion = Anorexia).

...Plus, I was thinking more like the cheers song:

"Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl..."