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-   -   Original Haiku (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=3946)

hot_pastrami 09-12-2003 04:28 PM

Original Haiku
 
I don't know about you guys, but I dig haiku. I thought I'd post some of my original stuff, and see if anyone else had some to share.

For those that don't already know, a haiku is a form of poetry originating in Japan, consisting of three lines... the first with five syllables, the second with seven, and the third with five again. Those are the only restrictions, you can write about any subject matter imaginable, and no need to rhyme or anything silly like that.

Here's some of my stuff:


Help, I'm prisoner
Frolicking with ribbons and
Forced to look gleeful


Watch the fat lady
Draw circles on the wood floor
I want a tattoo


Find a flat gray stone
And hurl it at a bus stop
Hear the old man howl


A belch of flame licks
The night as high waters suck
Life from the people


I don't like death rays
They make my gums and teeth hurt
Weep for me, Earthling


Crave the beef jerky
Salty, mysterious meats
Do not stay your hand


The blue sky is scarred
By seven ghostly contrails
Close the black curtains


I have the Tourette's
You slimy, worthless crap stacks
Damn you all to hell


...OK, I've subjected you to enough for now. Anybody else have some to offer?

Oh, and this post (C) 2003, Alan Bellows, All Right Reserved. For internal use only, do not induce vomiting.

be-bop 09-12-2003 06:39 PM

Original haiku
 
Alan you realy need to get out more.Try fresh air it helps.

elSicomoro 09-12-2003 07:23 PM

The first 3 previously posted on the Cellar...

I wrote this one about myself:

I am Sycamore
Sent down from the heavens to
Stir shit up on Earth

This is my ode to Radar:

Fucking ballsac bitch
Radar, bastard, piece of shit
Cuntface, dumbfuck, blecch!

Here's another one I wrote about Dave:

Mister David Ham
Likes computers and pad gai
Lives in the suburbs

And now...a new one just for pastrami:

Mister Pastrami
Lives among the weird Mormons
And wants a tattoo

Bitman 09-12-2003 07:56 PM

Re: Original Haiku
 
Quote:

Originally posted by hot_pastrami
Those are the only restrictions
No, there're more restrictions. Each of the first two lines expresses an idea, and the third line relates them in an unexpected manner. Full sentences are discouraged, and ideas cannot span lines. Your second one is good due to the twist, but the 'and' makes a sentence, which is illegal.

geek pushing buttons
rhythmic words make little sense
just call it haiku

many computers
some mother fucking pad gai
Dave Ham won't shut up

fancy computer
can't pronounce ocean currents
the guy knows it all

Torrere 09-23-2003 02:52 PM

Every once in a while I start composing haiku obsessively. It can really annoy the people around me.

The only one I can remember:

Five heads in the room
Summer heat stifles action
Boredom has arrived.

I bewildered four people with that.

Torrere 09-23-2003 03:11 PM

Spun disc slices air
Excited young man rises
Frisbee caught in hand

Bitman, might it be a good way to write haiku if the first and second lines are descriptive of ideas, and the third line exposes both for metaphors relating to the same thing?

warch 09-23-2003 03:30 PM

Old banana peel
Teetering stack of papers
Meager evidence

darclauz 09-24-2003 10:45 PM

They think it's brilliant
Intellect, passion and crap
Cellarites speak all

darclauz 09-24-2003 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Torrere
Every once in a while I start composing haiku obsessively. It can really annoy the people around me.

The only one I can remember:

Five heads in the room
Summer heat stifles action
Boredom has arrived.

I bewildered four people with that.

that's wonderful.

darclauz 09-24-2003 10:53 PM

Okay. the hip hop poets are on hbo and i have been struck with this thought: the black women performing these sonnets use the word "bullshit" and it's musical. amazing. it sounds just like trash talk when i use it...............


Hip hop theater
Lyrical vugarity
Bullshit as fine art

Performance artist
Speak slang into Creation
god, working in trash

Nathan Barnes 09-25-2003 12:42 PM

I like to call mine 'Haikish' so I can have all of the fun of writing them and none of the annoyance of debating the rules.

Leaping! Drooling! Dog!
mud prints all over the place
and yet we love you

The alternative version is:

leaping, drooling dog
mud prints all over the place
why are you so dumb

Take your pick.


I seem to remember Haiku having some qualities like a seasonal tie-in and an evanescent mood, so:

snow in the morning
the scent of hot coffee --
wake me up inside


Which, of course, makes me think of music

wicked thieves of song
old women and little girls
lawsuits in the fall

99 44/100% pure 09-25-2003 01:06 PM

In the Wake of Isabel
 
hurricane-inspired haiku:

The rotting porkchops
purified by melting ice
at last stinketh not.


BTW, power and phones restored, yay! Because a connected HB is a happy HB.

Griff 09-25-2003 06:07 PM

taco for breakfast
hot chimey chonga for lunch
Merlin is pukey

laying in the tub
philosophising he's not
William Howard Taft

O'Rielly's daughter
playin on your old tin drum
where is your father

Terminator says
hasta la vista baby
Gray Davis get gone

John Kerry votes yes
John Kerry is against war
John, do we look stupid?

Haliburtons gold
comes from taxpayers pockets
capitalism is dead

asleep at the wheel
dreaming of sugar plum fairies
pull over dummy

warch 09-26-2003 10:07 AM

consequence for merlin
lured by strongest desire
empathy is mine

Uryoces 09-29-2003 04:28 AM

Random bugs annoy
The helpdesk guy is quite calm
Users are happy


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