01/01/04: "Oh, she's just got colic"
 

Hello everyone! Well, I have asked UT to give me my forum back. The last part of last year was very hectic for me, and I just didn't have the time to post in my forum. But my life is settling down again, and I have some more things I wanted to share with you. So, without further ado, here is the first entry in my forum in 5 months!


<center><hr width=20% noshade></center>

Any new parent, such as myself, is inevitably barraged with advice. They're inundated with stories of their friends' nostalgic misadventures in parenting. Sadly, I am no exception to this. And in these conversations, there is one word in particular that really pisses me off. The sheer stupidity of it is really just more than I can take. That word is colic.

For those of you who don't know, here are a couple definitions of the word "colic", as used in parenting literature and conversations:

From here:<blockquote><i>Colic is when a baby cries for longer than three hours every day for more than three days a week. It is the extreme end of normal crying behaviour. The condition is harmless, though it can be very distressing for parents or carers. The cause is not known, but there are ways to help calm a baby down.</i></blockquote>
From here:
<blockquote><i>Your baby cries every afternoon for hours at a time, and the crying has worn you down to the point where you feel like joining in. What could be upsetting your child? When a healthy baby cries like this, chances are that it's colic. </i></blockquote>
Whenever an infant cries for a decent amount of time and the parents can't figure out the cause, some well-intentioned soul will always nod their head vigorously and say, "Oh, she's just got the colic! Such a terrible thing!".

Do you know what this word really means? It means, "I don't know what the fuck is going on.". Augh! If you don't know what the fuck is going on, you can NOT just make up a word and pretend that you do.

Babies don't cry for no reason. I know that everyone thinks that they do. It's widely accepted common knowledge. Since there is no proof for it, I can just as easily claim that babies always have a reason for crying. Do you cry for no reason? I seriously doubt it (unless you're a woman on her period. Gah..). No, if they're crying, it's for a reason. Crying is a message telling you, "There is something wrong with me. Please find out what it is and fix it". Saying, "OH! OH! I know what it is! It's Colic!!", and then being all proud of yourself solves absolutely nothing.

This whole thing reminds me of another pet peeve. What's up with people shoving pacifiers into their kids' mouths the moment they start to cry, and then completely ignoring them? This is akin to, when the phone rings, just picking it up and then hanging it right back up again. Hey, how about fixing the problem?? Me, I have a list of things to try, and there's a specific order I try them in. I suspect all parents have this list. If they do, when why in the hell would "pacifier" ever be #1 on the list?

i'd offer some advice, but it doesn;t sound like you're interested in hearing any more. :)

I welcome any advice online. Here I'm able to read it on my own time, and respond at length and with depth. We can talk about stuff here. In person, I just have to nod my head and smile. Otherwise it's a three hour conversation.

It sounds strange, but it's true. In any case, I welcome and hope for any comments anyone has on anything I post here. I can't grow otherwise, unless I'm questioned.

I always found SIDS the most annoying of those non-explanation words.

Welcome back, Juju. That's the extent of my imput in this thread.

The idea of "colic" promotes laziness.

Juju, are you irritated about colic b/c people are so quick to "diagnose" it, or b/c there is a name for the condition?

Just irritated that the most common phrasing implies that the person knows the root of the problem, when in fact they don't.

Many people play Mr./Ms. Knowitall all the time though--look at Radar. Now you have to deal with it in the world of parenting. Sucks to be you. :)

Wait 'til Sarah is a teenager. If you hate the advice you're getting now...

As far as the pacifier deal, keep in mind that there is not always a right way to do things. How you do things may be completely different from how another parent does things. In the case of a child crying, some things are better than others.

Having said that, pacifiers are probably not the best way to go, and IMO, make a parent look lazy.

I see the reaction I'm getting, and I guess maybe I came off the wrong way. I'll give you some examples of what brings about my misplaced poor attitude (which I will try to curb).

See, I WANT advice. It's interesting and useful. However, 95% of all the advice I'm getting is <i>so terrible</i>. For example, people are telling me that you should let kids "comfort themselves" or "cry themselves to sleep", even when they are only 7 weeks old. Otherwise, they won't become independent (even though research shows the complete opposite).

They say that if I hold Sarah too often, I'll "spoil her" or that when I respond to her cries quickly, she's "manipulating me" (at 8 weeks old!) -- even though any minimal amount of research would show the complete opposite.

They also say that at 7-8 weeks old I should put mashed up rice cereal into her milk to let her sleep better, even though they're not supposed to have solid foods until 6 months. At least three different families have told me this, even though all my research on the internet says the complete opposite. I am not really so certain of my correctness on this one, but I suspect that it is a widely held-myth.

So, much of people's advice (apart from the initial subject of this thread) just seems to me to be completely ludicrous.

This seems to be the best motto for the whole deal. Kids are all wildly different, so different styles must be employed.

This is probably poorly written, but alas, I've got to get to work. :)

Just get used to ignoring people. It worked for us! :) Just follow your common sense (informed by research, your pediatrician, and perhaps relatives whose experience and judgement you trust), and let everybody else go to hell.

Thanks. :)

Damnit Don, it's colic!

;)

I understand your frustration about getting advice thrown at you from every direction - it happened to me, too, for all three kids. The only child of mine that cried seemingly without reason was Julia, my middle child, and that WAS because she had problems with her digestive system. It was rectified, however, by switching her to a lactose free formula. I don't know if that will help you, bro, but it's another angle.

Welcome to the Cellar Philly.
I was a colic-y(sp?) baby. Damn near died. At 6 months they figured out I was allergic to my mothers milk. Switched to canned milk and I'm here to annoy you today. What a country!

i thought you were not going to participate in this thread?
it was probably something in your mom's diet that you were allergic to.

also, Dave would just like to point out that "imput" is not a word