Celebrity no-bang list
 

The five celebrities generally known for their beauty and/or bangability that you would not bang, ever. Given that none of us would ever make it on to their list anyway. Members of the appropriate sex please, just because it's more interesting that way...

1. Fran Drescher - maybe too obvious, but I admit that I did find her appealing for about 30-40 minutes of her career.

2. Paris Hilton - and Jessica Simpson and all that sector of dim bulbs who seem to be celebrities for no particular reason. I don't need an intellectual in bed, but give me a little something to work with.

3. Janeane Garofalo - I still kinda like her, but she did this pissed-off Crossfire week a while back that really was kinda sad. She was extremely bitter. I'm always sad for comics who turn bitter. I would have to think that if we were in bed, and I mentioned her bush, she'd think I was talking about Bush and then there'd be this inappropriate 5-minute rant which would totally spoil the moment.

4. Ann Coulter - I'm just a little ashamed for having written that rant I wrote earlier about her. Just a little.

5. Geena Davis - for purely practical reasons. She's awesome, sure, but she's like 6'5" or something. I'm just not sure our parts would meet up at the right locations.

Ann Coulter has never been known for her bangability. Ann Coulter has been known for spewing out intentionally offensive rhetoric in an attempt to cater to a Dukes-of-Hazzard-was-a-documentary level of audience.

My five:

Paris Hilton: Agreed. I'm not sure exactly what it is that sets her apart from other blonde, slim, mindless little rich girls.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Bad TV shows, bad movies, bad music. But she has breasts. Ding! All the ingredients for an inexplicable TV superstar.

Laura Ingraham: My version of Tony's Garofalo rationale (the "things would be going well until she spoke" system).

Neve Campbell: Like Hewitt, she has all the acting range of a broken BB gun.

Anna Kournikova: She's not _offensive_ to look at, but c'mon -- every high school in America has half-a-dozen girls that look just like Anna when the world's obsession started with her. I just... don't... get it.

Ann Coulter: Evil. Pure, unadulterated evil.

Britney Spears: I don't do stupid.

Anna Nicole Smith: See Britney Spears.

If I were anything other than straight, I would SOO do Ann Coulter. She's my heroine. (feminine of hero, not common street misspelling of an addictive substance)

no-bangers:

Brad Pitt
Dennis Rodman
Any member of the Osmond Family (they are just freaky)
Any member of the Jackson Family (see Osmond family, above)
That dude from the Highlander Movie ... the french guy. I just don't like his lips.
Ben Affleck (also would not consider twosome with Matt Damon)
Anyone whose IQ hovers around or varies with room temperature.

Jennifer Anniston
Calista Flockhart
Christina Aguilara
Brittany Spears
Ana Kournikova

No "bang" for the buck as they say.

Click, click, click.
Respect decreasing three notches.

You guys took most of the obvious ones (Fran Drescher, urr, that voice), so...

1) Pamela Anderson Lee. (OK, this one _IS_ obvious). And throw in Carmen Electra for free.

2) Madonna (#49 on askmen.com, otherwise she wouldn't qualify)

3) Jennifer Lopez

4) Faith Hill (#24 on askmen.com... what were they thinking?)

5) Kelly Ripa. Not really known for her beauty or bangability, but still worth mentioning as a "Hell, NO!"

I would, on the other hand, be willing to comfort Ms. Aniston, Ms. Flockheart, and Ms. Davis after you guys threw them out of bed. And Ms. Campbell as well... who cares whether she can act?

Meryl Streep- I have a truly irrational aversion to her.
Glenn Close- looks like Meryl Streep
Mariah Carey- nails on a blackboard
Celine Dion- above plus scarey looking
Sheryl Crowe- gives me the heebie jeebies

I'm only going to mention women that others seem to think are hot and which are a mystery to me. No obvious ones like Janet Reno, Oprah, Rosie O'Donnel, etc.

Ann Coulter - Cunt
Jennifer Lopez - Not attractive
Julia Roberts - Not attractive
Carmen Electra - Just knowing she's been with Dennis Rodman makes me want to puke
Pam Anderson - Skank with Hepatitis
Christina Aguilara- Skank
Mariah Carey - Whore and a bitch
Calista Flockhart - Annorexia isn't hot
Lucy Liu - Don't like freckles on Asian women
Liv Tyler - Not attractive
Beyonce Knowles - Bitch, thinks she's god's gift, etc.

The list could go on for days. It's far bigger than the "would do" list.

As a general rule, the more popular the actor, the less I'm attracted to them. They're generally popular for some shallow reason, such as the fact that they look good (whether they have any talent at all)...

I DON'T like Brad Pitt, and wouldn't bang him if we were the last two people on earth. The species would just have to die out.

I have to agree with the guys as far as Britney Spears (you guys know how I feel about HER) and Pamela Anderson...she's just icky. And Anna Nicole Smith... EWWWW...she gives trailer trash hookers a bad name....

I generally go for things like voice...Nigel Bennett....Armand Assante....I don't think I'd sleep with them, though...I just like listening to them talk.

I've never entertained fantasies about movie stars in the first place, really, but I can definitely make a list of the ones I wouldn't touch with a dead woman's hand....


Sidhe

I may have to steal that...! :D

I don't have anything catty to say about these guys; they just don't reallly do it for me.

Let's see:

1) Brad Pitt
2) Tom Cruise
3) George Clooney
4) Val Kilmer
5) Ashton Kutchner (not sure if he's considered a stud or not, but...nonono..museum trashing bastard) (ok, so ONE catty comment)

That reminds me, 6) all scientologists.

Mena Suvari. I still don't know how anyone finds her attractive. I have trouble imagining she's human.

Whenever I hear someone going on and on about Eminem, I'm like, "BUT WHYYYYY???" I mean, he's "aiiight" looking, but please! His all around personality sucks all ass and therefore makes him unfuckable in my book.

Plus, if I made him mad, he'd want to write a stupid ass song about how he wants to kill me and shit. :rolleyes: