Adventures in Telemarketing
 

It never fails...around 7pm each night, my phone rings. A few times, I have picked it up to hear a telemarketer on the other end. Nowadays, I don't even answer. When I check the voicemail a few minutes later, of course, there is no message.

This morning, around 11ish, I'm puttering around on the Cellar, when my modem is cut off by a phone call. Given that I am looking for a new job, I'm hoping that it will be a recruiter or a company rep on the other end. But...

Caller: "Good morning...may I, ummm, speak to Mr. Terry Blasterbraig?" (I am used to this...people butcher the shit out of my last name all the time.)

Syc: "This is he"

Caller: "Good morning sir, my name is (don't remember his name now), and I'm calling from MBNA, the issuers of (insert credit card of mine they own here), how are you today?"

Syc: "I'm fine."

Caller: "How is the weather there in Philadelphia today?"

Syc: *caught off guard* "Ummm...not bad."

Caller: "I'm calling from Eugene, Oregon. We're seeing the sun for the first time in like forever." *caller sounds like he's just coming off a pot high and needs some food...of course, it's only 8am in Oregon at the time of the call*

Syc: *still baffled* "Uh huh."

Caller: "Well, I'm calling today in regards to credit protection for your account..."

Syc: "Uh huh" *not amused...I hate when they call me about that shit*

Caller: *laughs* "You don't sound too excited about that..."

Syc: "Well, I'm fully aware of credit protection, and I'm not interested in it. It costs too much."

Caller: "Sir, can't you help me out?"

Syc: *now very baffled* "I'm afraid I'm not interested in the protection..."

Caller: "Well, it's free for 30 days..."

Syc: "No thank you..." *hangs up the phone*

Now generally, when a telemarketer calls me, I can tell that they're reading from a script...and they usually sound very mechanical. That, or they're ridiculously friendly. But this is the most unusual telemarketing call I have EVER received.

I'd be curious to hear any other unusual telemarketing stories...

NOt telemarketing but direct marketing: THe FOxtel guy (payTV) that kept talking when we tried to close the door onhim (put his foot in the way which we then hit).
crazy.

well, it was after school and the parents werent home, so i decided to take the call. at first i thought it was a machine, so after the initial 'this is michele from at&t' i screamed into the phone "STOP!" and preceded with a couple "F*CK YOU"s, rather loudly. aparently it wasnt a machine, and i heard an offended sounding 'excuse me?'. easy solution---'dont call here again' and i hung up. i almost felt bad for the telemarketer for screaming 'f*ck you' at her. almost.

Generally, the most telemarketing calls I get are from Citibank. I usually say "No thanks" or hang up on them. However, I won't tell them to put me on a "Do not call" list. Why? Well, one day, they called me with an offer I couldn't refuse.

Caller: "Sir, because you are a preferred cardholder, we'd like to offer you a 3.9% Annual Percentage Rate on your card, which will remain until you pay off your balance." (At the time, I owed them about $3000.)

Syc: "What's the catch?"

Caller: "The only requirement is that you stay current on your account."

Syc: *has never missed a credit card payment in 7 years* "You're serious?"

Caller: "Yes sir."

Syc: "So, all I have to do is pay on time as I normally do and I get this? No fee?"

Caller: "Yes sir."

Syc: "You're not lying, are you?"

Caller: "No sir."

2 years later, I'm a happy man with a 3.9% APR on my account...which does wonders for paying down the balance. :)

I never got that, but I once got $80 from AT&T for switching to their phone service -- right after I got $30 from MCI for switching from AT&T to theirs. This was real cash, not an offer for 800 minutes of long distance within 15 days like they do nowadays.

But I think next time I get a telemarketer, I'm going to ask if they've considered a new line of work, and point out that the Lincoln Technical Institute is still training people for high paying careers as truck drivers and mechanics.

Gotten quite a few of them.

I've noticed that several (repeats) are now coming from overseas. I guess they do this in order to circumvent US Law concerning 'DO-NOT-CALL-LISTS'

I'm the type of person who has opted out via the dma with the help of the good guys/gals at junkbusters.com. Since, I've sent in my paperwork, these calls have diminished except for those overseas originating calls.

More strangeness
 

I've heard about this one, but have never gotten the call myself...

You get this message telling you you've won some sort of prize. Then, they ask you to call either a 976 number in your area or one with the 809 area code (which is for the Dominican Republic). I got the 976 number. What worries me is that so many people actually fall for this...

Is it Nigeria that virtually runs its economy on those?

No, Nigeria is a major oil producer. One of those "third world" places...:-)

I wouldn't say that, but there IS a scam that runs out of Nigeria.

You get a fax from someone saying that they work in the Nigerian government, and are trying to get themselves and their family out of Nigeria. They need money from you--$5000 US or so. But, once they get out of the country, they have access to Swiss accounts...or some shit like that. I got that when I used to download all my company's faxes a few years ago. We all had a good laugh off that one.

One of those places we try not to think about. When it comes right down to it, they're inferior to us. They're dirty, and really don't have access to the vast array of knowledge that we do. Can THEY perform lifechanging operations? Of course not. And where would "we" be without those?

Are you being sarcastic?

More or less. I just really had to find a place to throw in something about "lifechanging operations," and this looked like it.

Well much as I hate telemarketers my biggest beef is with companies that have you on their list when you're already a customer. The biggest offender for me has been Allstate. They usually have called once every 2 or 3 months to try to interest me in their car & home insurance. I would tell them politely that I was already a happy Allstate customer (yes, car AND home) and I wanted to get off their list so they wouldn't keep calling me. The last time I was already aggravated about something & I lost it and told the guy how many years I had had Allstate policies and exactly how many times I had gotten calls from them and requested that they remove me and exactly how long it was going to take me to switch to another insurance company if I ever got another call form them again. I was getting ready to tell him exactly what anatomical experiments he could perform with his telephone, but he was so apologetic and he actually sounded scared, so I let it go.

I was home on ML King day with my daughter.. by 9:30AM I'd gotten three sales calls & I started screening. I guess they figured people would be home.

Some time ago, we have started hanging up if we say Hello and there is not an immediate answer. This is usually a sure sign of a "call center" call.

*I* was being sarcastic when I said "third world places" in reply to Jag...was tweaking him about stuff he'd said in another thread.

As for life-changing operations, I got mine in Neenah,Wisconsin, home of the Neenah Foundary, famed source of cast-iron manhole and inlet covers, and just up the road from many paper plants and the bustling metropolis of Oshkosh, nestled on the shores of Lake Winnebago....not exactly "third-world", but a strange and exotic land nonetheless.

And before anybody asks, *my* Winnebagos are home-grown, thenkewveddymuch.