Hello Cellar
 

Situation:
I am performing a contracted service for a client at their residence. The family includes mom, dad, 9 year old boy, twin 4 year old boys. Upper, upper middle-class family and development.


Details:
To fully understand the comedic value of the following you need to know that I am a big, bald, extensively illustrated individual although I am actually gentle as a pup, my appearance can be intimidating, especially to rich white catholic suburbanites like these particular clients.

My practice when I first meet with prospective clients is to wear a long sleeved shirt, and a ball cap, both garments bearing the logo and name of my company. This is something that is required because most people are very judgmental based on appearance. However when I show up to perform the work I dress in regular work clothes like a t-shirt and jeans. If these people only knew that the guy more likely to rip them off is their accountant or lawyer.


Scene:
The work is being performed primarily in the garage. however, I need to access the panel box which is located in the mudroom off of the kitchen. I knock on the door and I am greeted by one of the 4 year old boys who invites me in then proceeds to announce to his parents at full volume who are apparently in another room.

"Mommy, The devil is in the house"

The mother runs into the kitchen.

"Shhh, he's not the devil why would you say such a thing"

"I am sorry..." before she can finish the boy cuts her off.

"You said that to daddy mommy, you said thanks a lot for hiring the devil to work at our house"

Her cheeks are blushing as she stammers her words. Obviously mortified by embarrassment.

"Don't be silly now! This man is not the devil! What did you need? How can..."

Now I cut her off before she can finish.

"Oh yes I am, the boy is right Ma'am. I am most definitely the devil, Satan, the prince of darkness. But you (as I patted the lad on the head while his mother stared at me horrified) can call me Bubba > its short for Beelzebub> my Christian name"

The father who is witnessing the scene 20 feet away while standing behind the breakfast nook in the kitchen begins laughing loudly like a barroom rolling laughter. The wife who now has a face that is red as a tomato throws a death stare at him and stamps away grabbing hold of the little boys arm.

"I WANT HIM OUT OF HERE NOW!"



I make friends wherever I go.

MickGinny.

So did you actually lose the job, or did the husband continue to pay you for the work?

I completed the contract. In fact, I did some other work at his office after this.

So what exactly made her call you the Devil? Simply from your appearance? Or the general notion that contractors are a bunch of sleazy dirtbags (which I don't prescribe to, though I've heard my fair share of horror stories)?

It was because of my appearance.

Oh I missed the part about 'extensively illustrated.' I gotcha.

A bitch I dare say she is!

Some people have small minds, and little desire to know what goes on outside of their white-bread-with-the-crusts-cut-off-world. Unfortunately, they're usually the ones with the money, so they make the rules spread out to the point where everyone becomes judgemental and insulated.

I prefer to hire people like you, Mick...but then, I'm sort of sleazy and poor.

Do you have those surgical horn implants? I've heard of people getting them. Otherwise she's just a bitch.

hahahaha! like the chili pepper drummer? no.

welcome, MicktheDevil.

....and now, a brief quiz:

1. do you dress left or right?

2. what is the circumference of your left nostril?

3. paper or plastic?

4. how do you like your eggs?

5. what do you think of when i say, " invincible"

6. what color is sarcasm?

7. is your 2nd toe longer than your Big toe?

8. ketchup or mustard on your hot dog?

9. if you went camping with a bunch of guys, got drunk and woke up with your pants down and vaselilne on your ass, would you tell anyone?

10. what is the eleventh commandment?

1. Dress Right
2. The same as my finger
3. Plastic
4. Over Easy
5. Superman
6. Red
7. Yes
8. Mustard
9. Only my shrink
10. "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." - Jesus of Nazareth (John 15:12)

sounds like you gotcher'self some of them small minded midwesterners to deal with.. heh that's why my tattoos are where no one can see them.. and besides they are a personal thing for me.. reminders... oaths... and milestones

hmmm not to hijack a thread.. but oh fellow cellarites! do you have any tattoos and if so what do they mean to you?

No tats, typically they mean "goddamn I was drunk."

MickGinny, welcome to your obvious home away from home on the internet.

I've got 2 tatoos, and yes, they mean something and are important to me. But they are also in a location that I can cover up when I go to work. My heritage on my left, and my philosophy on my right.

Hey Radar , dude when does the Viet wife come over the big pond ???

Oh and no tats or piercings , God made me beautiful enough !!!!!!!