SCREAM WITH ME
 

Do you scream and are you heard from beyond that dry river bed you once swam in and do those faces surround you in sharp mist and ugly black spaces?

Do you know what lies beyond the curtain and it's velvet waves? Have you seen those fields and oceans and do you know why Eden was bliss?

Is there anyone out there who has taken the spoon from the hand that feeds, thrown it to the floor, spit out the unchewed feed, and eaten with your own hands?

Where are the golden children that Uncle Jim promised us when he poisoned pages with India ink and spoke with that rust colored breath and tongue, broken dagger teeth?

I remember rumbling through the town in that old blue truck,
Autumn leaves spitting up from tires like dead, soggy fire.

the back seat filled with beer, crushed cans, empty cans of Skoal..

A big game that night, we lost and celebrated youth from house to house

from beauty to beauty, queen to queen

India ink by candlelight, deep into the hours of the night,

creating drama for my god.

Where have I ended that my rivers are so dry and bare of ink and rain?

This place is bone, crevassed with empty places,

My mood is skeleton.

If you're going to scream,

scream with me.

Angus is going to be SOOOO jealous.

We should introduce NicotineGun to Mystic R! Maybe they already know one another. Maybe they've the same dealer?

Except that NG can actually write and knows how to spell.

NG's submission is good, I think. rust-colored breath and tongue, broken dagger teeth. that's vivid.

The second 2 grafs could go, IMO. the rest evokes a mood and uses good imagery, but those two are kinda goth-attentionwhore.

thus ends my professional poetry analysis.

I like it.

Here's your man.





courtesy of mrnoodle

I like it too.
But I LOVE the Rawker! Holy crap! How long did he go on thinking he was actually talented?

I appreciate everyone looking over my words. Honestly, I was listening to the Misfits and it all came out. If you liked it good, if you didn't that's fine too. All that matters is that you took a few minutes and thought about it. As far as the comment about the "same dealer," I'm not sure how to take that. I assure you I am perscribed the best medication the state can afford.

I like a crazy nut with a sense of humor :)