Adoption

[chainsaw]

Anyone ever considered it? Mr. chainsaw and I are starting to talk about it. After the last couple of years filled with medical issues, I am in no hurry to put my body through a pregnancy, even if it is possible. Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to experience all that is good and bad with pregnancy and end up with a baby of our own, but… My body can’t handle it yet. Besides, I’m not 100% sure I am able to have kids.

After one of my surgeries last year, they told me they had to wrap my ovaries and fallopian tubes with a protective barrier because of all the infection I had in my body. If I did find that I could not carry a child, I would refuse to put myself through any extraordinary measures to conceive. If it’s meant to be, it will be, in my opinion. I don’t knock anyone for going through the drugs or procedures, but it’s just not for me. I’ve taken enough pills and been probed enough to last a lifetime!

There are plenty of babies out there that need a good home, and I believe we can offer that. So, here lies the next question: Where do we start? Do we look for a seragant mother, because I would prefer to have an infant? Do we adopt outside of the U.S. to avoid all the red tape and long waiting, because I’ve read that it can take years?

If any of you have any experience with this, I’d love to hear about it, good or bad.

And what would you do if you found out you couldn’t have kids?

[Griff]

Friends of mine just adopted a Korean baby. Apparently the US and South Korea have a long standing adoption relationship. They suffered the tragic loss of their biological son due to a genetic perfect storm. Rather than risking going through that heartbreak again, they chose adoption. I think it is a cool idea but I don't think I want to return to the little baby time of my life.

[smoothmoniker]

I was adopted. I'm a big fan.

[Pie]

My brother was adopted. We haven't spoken with him in eight years -- his choice.
There are always good stories and bad stories.

[richlevy]

Originally Posted by smoothmoniker

I was adopted. I'm a big fan.

Same here.

[Clodfobble]

I did a fair amount of research on adoption before I finally managed to conceive. Overall, I found that while it's certainly possible to languish on the domestic waiting list for years and years, most places claim an average of about a one-year wait for an infant under 1 year. To get a newborn, however, it seems you almost have to consider some sort of "openness" to the adoption. In a lot of cases this was nothing more than sending a yearly photo and letter to the agency, who would pass it on to the mother--but in other cases the birth mothers wanted regular visits, basically forever. I don't know how you feel about that, but I was not okay with it.

Overseas can go faster, but most of them will not let the baby leave the orphanage at less than 6 months old. The process will still take at least 6 months to a year, and usually two separate 2-week long visits to the country in question are required. In general, the process seems to be smoother and more reliable with Asian countries. I know of two couples who tried to adopt from Eastern European countries, and both ended up with a bait-and-switch situation: they were sent a photo of an adorable 2-month-old baby who was "ready to be placed with them," but once they flew out there they were told that the baby in question had been taken back by relatives, but they were welcome to consider any other child in the orphanage--all of whom were four years or older. (As the orphanage was probably banking on, both couples went ahead and adopted 4-year-olds, who had varying success in adapting to their new language and country.)

It can definitely be a wonderful experience, either domestic or international--I think the key in both situations is to really do your research on the agency and make sure they're reputable.

[seakdivers]

Of my 10 cousins, 7 of them are adopted. Three are from Korea, and 4 of them were adopted in the U.S. My neice was adopted from China, so I guess you could say that I am pro-adoption.
I would highly reccomend WACAP as an agency. My aunts & my sister used them, and I think the results are pretty darn good.
The wait can be very short, or incredibly long depending on what is going on with the governments of the country you are looking into. I would reccomend joining an adoption bulletin board and listening to people's stories so that you know what you will be going through.

Best of luck!

[chainsaw]

Thank you, all. Your words are much appreciated. The more I talk about this, the more I realize how common adoption is. I have never known anyone who has adopted or was adopted themselves.

It will probably take us another 6 months to a year to be absolutely sure this is what we want. I will continue to do the research, but I'm almost positive adoption is in our future.

It's very sad that orphans have an expiration date of sorts. I admit that I too would prefer to have an infant because I'm selfish and want to know them from as early on as possible, but now I plan on talking to Mr. chainsaw about considering an older child.

Thanks again for all the info, folks. And keep it coming

[Pie]

Originally Posted by chainsaw

It's very sad that orphans have an expiration date of sorts. I admit that I too would prefer to have an infant because I'm selfish and want to know them from as early on as possible, but now I plan on talking to Mr. chainsaw about considering an older child.

That's what we did -- my brother was seven when my parents brought him home from India. He was a street kid from the same town my mother was born in -- everyone thought he also was my parent's "natural" child (since most Americans can't really distinguish the subtle variations of Indian faces).
He spent most of his childhood begging on the street and stealing what he could to get food. I guess it's not surprising that he wound up in trouble with the law during most of his teenage years. When he turned 18, he told my parents and me to f*** off, and we didn't hear from him for another 8 years. We did get an email from him recently. Apparently, he has two babies with his common-law wife, who's also on welfare. That really made it all seem worthwhile.
CS, please consider the background of the child, if it is older. You'll have a heck of a time getting the child to un-learn what it has already absorbed. "Nature" differences might actually be a lot easier to bridge than some of the effects of "Nurture".
- Pie, now an only child again.

[wolf]

If you do adopt, try for a local open adoption, where you can meet the parents before hand.

I say this largely because the days of the nice unwed mother needing a good home for her perfectly sound baby are long past. My patients are very fertile. I feel for the families that have ended up with their spawn.

[chainsaw]

Point taken, wolf. Thank you.