Don't wast LJ's quiz!

[morethanpretty]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.

By being absent.

2. How often do you change your sheets?

I don't, I live on a couch. I wash my covers and pillow and vacuum the couch about every 2 weeks.

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?

Pat needs 3 penises.

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?

No, it is convinced that love can be for forever, it's a hopeless romantic.

5. What color is the number 2?

Brown, brownish-green sometimes.

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?

You, so we can have Jinx all to ourselves. :p

7. crimson or clover?

Clover.

8. Where's the beef?

In the fridge, I'm making meatloaf later.

9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?

Chili and cheese, but if I can't have that...BBQ sauce.

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." [Matt22:37-40]
Wait, that was one of the questions wasn't it?

Feel better LJ? Your quiz is not wasted and has now received proper acknowledgment.

For easy copy and paste for the rest of ya'll:

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.


2. How often do you change your sheets?


3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?


4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?


5. What color is the number 2?


6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?


7. crimson or clover?


8. Where's the beef?


9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?


10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?

[Sundae]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.
It happens naturally. After you zig-a-zih-ahhhh
2. How often do you change your sheets?
Not as often as I change my mind
3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?
Yes - one in his pants and one under the bed. It's mummified and he uses it in magic rituals like all Pagans, didn't you know?
4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?
Yes. But the right brain is where hope resides. And that was the last and greatest evil to come out of Pandora's box.
5. What color is the number 2?
Blue
6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?
My evil ex
7. crimson or clover?
Crimson for colour, clover to roll over in
8. Where's the beef?
In Hely's belly
9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?
Both of course
10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?
Number 2a, And can I join you in them?

[Flint]

What's a wast?

[morethanpretty]

LJ's questions are the ones were answering, go hijack some1 else's thread.

[classicman]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.
Usually after too much drinkin'

2. How often do you change your sheets?
Yes

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?
He sure as hell talks like it

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?
I only have a right brain

5. What color is the number 2?
large

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?
the first, that way they're all gone

7. crimson or clover?
over and over

8. Where's the beef?


9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?
neither

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?
This one

[glatt]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.

Blow them off. "He Jarfed me" is synonymous with "He stood me up" or "He was a no show."

2. How often do you change your sheets?

'bout once a month or so.

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?

How else can you keep two women happy?

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?

The left brain has determined that love is irrelevant.

5. What color is the number 2?

Ice cold blue.

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?

Ted Kazinsky

7. crimson or clover?

clover

8. Where's the beef?

Texas

9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?

Mustard

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?

The color of the number 2.

[barefoot serpent]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.

smoke 1 giant spliff
2. How often do you change your sheets?

after 3 sheets are lost to wind
3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?

Pat my penis
4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?

right hand does
5. What color is the number 2?

grey poupon
6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?

Nostradamus
7. crimson or clover?

send rover over
8. Where's the beef?

tween ma teef
9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?

see above
10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?

ganja

[limey]

I haven't done one of these in AGES ....

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.
Not in polite company

2. How often do you change your sheets?
We bought some new ones on our wedding anniversary

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?
No, but he'd like you to pat it twice

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?
I like SG's answer here

5. What color is the number 2?
Khaki

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?
I'm taking this one too seriously and am incapable of answering

7. crimson or clover?
Crimson

8. Where's the beef?
In the fields, but it ends up on my plate

9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?
Ketchup

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?
Number Nine, dummies!

[Undertoad]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.

According to Urban Dictionary,

When a man ass fucks another man without permission or when a woman using a dildo or a strap-on ass fucks a guy without permission.

2. How often do you change your sheets?

In recent years I have developed a highly acidic sweat, which I sweat at low levels at all times, giving my body a consistently clammy nature. This is difficult on sheets. But worse than that, over the last 10 years I have developed an uncanny ability to undo my head corner of the fitted sheet overnight. I attribute this to some sort of consistent clockwise rolling, combined with the acidy sweat. I often wake up with the bottom sheet folded as tightly as an accordion, drenched in cold nighttime fear. The last time I had to buy new sheets it was because the previous sheet was eaten through by my acidy sweat in a torn pattern, along the folds created by my rolling body, making it look like Kreuger had spontaneously taken a swipe at it.

So yeah, more often than most, maybe every two weeks.

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?

That's ridiculous. Pat has hundreds.

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?

The left brain is a slut.

5. What color is the number 2?

Shit brown, unless you're sick or drink a lot of red wine or pea soup.

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?

L. Ron Hubbard

7. crimson or clover?

They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, which is funny because that's what I call it when my old lady is on the rag.

8. Where's the beef?

I got no beef.

9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?

Yellow mustard, on the bun before dog is applied.

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?

#1. It's the only question numbered "one".

[monster]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.
By surprise


2. How often do you change your sheets?
change = buy new or change = wash? Was top management responsible for this nebulous question?


3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?
no.


4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?
no. But does the fleeting brain know that love left?


5. What color is the number 2?
black. it's all black.


6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?
Fred West. but I couldn't kill him in the cradle. much as I'm not a baby person, I couldn't. I'd get him right before that first abduction.


7. crimson or clover?
Crimson, of course

8. Where's the beef?
behind the curtains


9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?
ketchup


10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters
42

[Crimson Ghost]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.
Well, most young men discover this activity early in life, usually in the shower.

2. How often do you change your sheets?
I don't. The Wife changes them.

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?
Yes, in a jar of formaldehyde.

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?
Yes, but it won't forward the mail.

5. What color is the number 2?
Brown. Any other color means a trip to the hospital.

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?
The maker of the cradle, thereby creating a causality loop.

7. crimson or clover?
Crimson, of course!

8. Where's the beef?
In the gap.

9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?
I prefer hamburgers.

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?
Trick question. Lemmy IS God.

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon.
....The term is derived from a Frenchism ("mon jarf") in the English language meaning "my buddy f**ker."


2. How often do you change your sheets?
.....I don't give a sheet.


3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?
.....Send in the clones.



4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?
.....When it's on Chateau Fleet Street.


5. What color is the number 2?
.....I'm color blind.


6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?
....Of course, who else?


7. crimson or clover?
.....4 leaf.


8. Where's the beef?
.....Cowabunga!


9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?
.....Old Yeller.


10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?
.....The one that was never asked.

[ZenGum]

1. How does one 'Jarf', mon?

Take one hard-boiled egg, some non-oil-based lubricant, a reversible pump, the consenting adult partner of your choice, and some ordinary household glue. Positions yourselves in the well known "Inverted elephant fighting with a sealion" pose. Let me know when you've done that, I'll PM you with the rest.

2. How often do you change your sheets?

After every Klan meeting.

3. Does Pat really have 2 penises?

No. He has two penes.

4. Does the left brain know that love is fleeting?

Damn, I knew I left my brain around here somewhere. Has it got lucky while I've been gone?

5. What color is the number 2?

Spicy, with a hint of wasabi.

6. Go back in time and kill one person in the cradle. who?

Myself. That way I create a paradox and destroy all the world! Bwahahahahaaahahaaahahaaa!

7. crimson or clover?

I have no idea what you are talking about.

8. Where's the beef?

That's what she said.

9. ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?

Pat can have both ketchup AND mustard on his "hot dogs".

10. Which of the previous questions is the only one that really matters?

You're presuming that one of them did.

[classicman]

very good Zen, very good!