My friend is turning into a major moocher

[SamIam]

I have a friend that I'll call "Charlie" to protect the guilty. I've known him for over 3 years and he's been a good friend up until about a couple of months ago.

Charlie is on disability too, and his check is 3 times what mine is. Despite this, Charlie is forever broke and doesn't have money for gas for his car or even food or to pay his utilities, etc.. This is because Charlie is on the medical marijuana program and every penny he gets goes for dope. He once confessed to me that his pot bill is $500/month, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was really more like $600 - $700.

I don't really care how much pot he smokes. It's his life and the amount of marijuana he decides to use is none of my business.

EXCEPT

He continues to up the amount he smokes while his income remains the same. He has started to borrow money from me and "forget" to pay it back. In the past, he'd always repay any loans I gave him, but no more. And on my income I can't afford to just give away $20 here or $40 there.

That's been bad enough, but this Thanksgiving has been the last straw. Since neither of us have family close by, Charlie and I decided to do the meal together and invite this elderly guy we both know who is having health difficulties and whose only family is a daughter who lives in California. And that we'd split the cost of the meal 50/50 with the old guy as our guest.

I paid for a spiral cut ham which was expensive even though it was on sale. Charlie was supposed to pay an amount equivalent to the cost of the ham by picking up some food for the usual Thanksgiving side dishes.

EXCEPT

I learned tonight that he hadn't purchased a single thing because he was already $200 into his over draft protection for his checking account and he had to go pick up some more pot at the dispensary on top of that.

So I had to run out tonight and purchase stuff like cranberry sauce, dinner rolls, etc. In effect, I have paid the entire cost for the meal, and I don't know how I'll make it to the end of the month.

I hate to lose a friendship over money, but Charlie and his pot habit have become too high maintenance for the likes of me.

[orthodoc]

But this really isn't about losing a friendship over money; it's about being used by someone who's an addict. Medical or other marijuana, he's using to the point where he's willing to overdraft his account, lie to you to get money for more dope, and now to renege on plans and promises made such that you're left unable to make it to the end of the month. If you hadn't already invited the older gentleman you could have just declined to buy sides and eaten the ham by itself (and by yourself) - not a happy outcome but better than meeting his obligation and then hurting financially.

The main issue is that Charlie's mooching and using you won't stop; it'll only escalate. Unless and until he gets his addiction under control he isn't capable of being a friend.

[bluecuracao]

Jeez. Doesn't sound like Charlie is a friend at all.

ETA: totally agree with what orthodoc said.

[SamIam]

Orthodoc, I think your comments are right on. I haven't wanted to accept the fact that Charlie is an addict, but that's exactly what he is. On the one hand, given the nature of Charlie's disability, I can see where medical marijuana could be quite helpful for him. But he is using it the way an addict would, not the way someone would who wanted to avail himself of its therapuetic effects.

There are times these days when Charlie actually seems resentful that I have food in my fridge (hot dogs or hamburger - big whoop) or that I could buy new tires for my truck (I saved for months to be able to get them). I guess he tells himself some fairy tale about how great I'm doing in order to justify his actions. Oh, and his income is actually 4 times what mine is - not 3 like I put in my op. He got himself a part time job a few months back to help with expenses, but that money just goes toward his pot habit, too.

This Thanksgiving thing has made me so angry that it's forced me to open my eyes. I'll be nice tomorrow for the elderly gentleman's sake, but I'm putting my foot down with Charlie. I hope he takes a good look in the mirror before his finances get so bad that he loses his house or something. But I can't fix him. He has to fix himself.

[xoxoxoBruce]

First I must ask, is he sharing his pot with you? If so he may feel he's holding up his end. I'm just shooting in the dark here.
After dinner, hand him a bill for his half. If he doesn't come up with it, in what you consider a reasonable amount of time, cut him loose.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

First I must ask, is he sharing his pot with you? If so he may feel he's holding up his end. I'm just shooting in the dark here.
After dinner, hand him a bill for his half. If he doesn't come up with it, in what you consider a reasonable amount of time, cut him loose.

He shares his pot with me very rarely, and when he does, I never take more than a few tokes. That's plenty for me because I don't smoke that much anyhow, so my tolerance is pretty low and a little goes a long way with me.

By way of comparison, my next door neighbor is much more generous with his stash, plus he actually offers to give ME money if I happen to mention I'm strapped or whatever. So, no I can't imagine that Charlie thinks he's holding up his end of things by offering me a few hits maybe once a month.

[sexobon]

When he comes to dinner, hand him a can of tuna and say "Sorry Charlie."

[DanaC]

Have you explained to him what you've explained to us? That your income is a quarter of his and you're struggling too much to be able to loan out money willy nilly.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Have you explained to him what you've explained to us? That your income is a quarter of his and you're struggling too much to be able to loan out money willy nilly.

Oh, he knows. It's pretty hard to be friends with someone for 3 years and not have some idea about where they are at financially. And we talked a lot about what would happen if Romney got elected and vanished programs like housing vouchers. Which would have quite literally put me out on the streets (yes, I voted for Obama to get my "present" of living in an apartment and not live camped out in the forest )

Charlie just called when I was writing this - maybe he picked up on the vibes. Anyhow, he redeemed himself to some degree. Today is his birthday and one of his relatives wired him some money as a birthday gift. So, Charlie is going to use part of that money to pay me back for what I've spent on the meal. This news has definately improved my mood.

So Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by SamIam

... Charlie just called when I was writing this - maybe he picked up on the vibes. Anyhow, he redeemed himself to some degree. Today is his birthday and one of his relatives wired him some money as a birthday gift. So, Charlie is going to use part of that money to pay me back for what I've spent on the meal. ...

Perhaps you always thought he might come through even against the odds and that's why you called him "Charlie" instead of "Minnie" (the moocher).

[Trilby]

Charlie is no friend. I like Bruce's idea about giving him a bill for half and then, if he doesn't come up with it within a reasonable time frame, CUT YOUR LOSSES.

He's an addict. We are master manipulators when it comes to our drugs.

[classicman]

{Throws grenade}
Wait a sec... I thought pot wasn't addictive.
{and runs}

[xoxoxoBruce]

Neither is coffee.

[BigV]

I can quit coffee any time I want.

[Big Sarge]

He's an addict. You can't fix him and it will only get worse. He won't change until he decides to do it himself.