internet hookups...

cowhead · 05-13-2006, 03:55 PM

Alright, I'm not talking about the tawdry sex kind either.. I was wondering if anyone around here had actually accidently found someone that you get along with amazingly online and then found the reality to be even more amazing? and if perhaps it's odd that people of very similiar tastes/and or mind sets happen to find themselves in places like this or others? (sorry.. been moving for a couple of days again and am a little light headed (and not for any GOOD reason)).. I have a few horror stories about meeting people online, but does anyone have any good ones? ( I have a good one, but.. I don't have time to go into the messy details right now).. yeah I know, broad subject matter/possible answers/questions.. but ya'll are good with that sort of thing.

MaggieL · 05-13-2006, 05:07 PM

Met my current lifepartner over a decade ago online--back in the BBS days. We've been together now many years.

For this to work you do have to be a decent judge of character...both online and in real life. Meeting someone online isn't really all that much different, although you do work from a slightly different set of clues.

It's helpful not to be searching desparately, because that distorts your judgement horribly; you get into a state where you're willing to completely overlook the most obvious of warning signals.

The best finds happen when you're *not* looking.

skysidhe · 05-13-2006, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieL

The best finds happen when you're *not* looking.

My whole outlook on people has been based on that simple little line. I meet the best people when I least expect it. They may be few and far inbetween but those couple that attach to me are best friends for life.

I met one person on line who became a real life friend. More than a friend a life peer, confident and someone that walked out of my hearts aching and manifest in the flesh. This is not a sexual relationship either.

There is one other too who is precious beyond compare to me as a friend but I let him down. I don't like to lose friends I've invested alot of time in.

I think 'what works' is to totally trust that the person is who they say they are. I did and he was exactly the same way he was in print.

Exactly who he said he was as was I.

MaggieL · 05-14-2006, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skysidhe

I think 'what works' is to totally trust that the person is who they say they are.

I think there's a fair number of people out there who aren't who they say they are...in fact, they're not even who they think they are. But I also think they're fairly easy to spot...if you're getting a vibe that something's wrong, you're probably right.

Sucessfully maintaining the appearance of "something that is not so" is a massive amount of work, and the bigger the difference between apperance and reality the more work it is. Sooner or later it all breaks down, but you can often hear the creaking timbers of a failing framework long before the shit hits the fan.

That's where that "not searching desparately" thing comes in. If you rilly rilly want person ${X} to be The One, the easier it will be to allow yourself to overlook those warning signs of impending chaos.

skysidhe · 05-18-2006, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by skysidhe
I think 'what works' is to totally trust that the person is who they say they are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieL

I think there's a fair number of people out there who aren't who they say they are...in fact, they're not even who they think they are. But I also think they're fairly easy to spot...if you're getting a vibe that something's wrong, you're probably right.

Sucessfully maintaining the appearance of "something that is not so" is a massive amount of work, and the bigger the difference between apperance and reality the more work it is. Sooner or later it all breaks down, but you can often hear the creaking timbers of a failing framework long before the shit hits the fan.

I should have said I didn't trust him to come see me Until after 2 years of talking online, one year of talking off line via phone. There wasn't one inconsistency. I could marry my good feeling to logic.He wasn't saying one thing here and another there. That said we were to untimatly be dear friends, life peers and not lovers at all. I respect people where they are at so it's a win'win thing.

I get really confused online when people say things and act another. I would never meet a person like that. It just takes observation without thought and without the thoughts of others either to see the truth. Mixed vibes are pure torture.

I really appreciate not feeling anything at all.
but I appreciate more me not having to voice it outloud when I do feel like something is wrong.

Elspode · 05-13-2006, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieL

Met my current lifepartner over a decade ago online--back in the BBS days.

Mrs. Elspode and I met on a BBS as well. We get along pretty well, I guess. Whatever the case, we're willing to tolerate each other enough to try and buy a house that costs twice as much as the one in which we're living. That must say *something* positive about us.

skysidhe · 05-13-2006, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cowhead

have a few horror stories about meeting people online

I am curious about hearing your horror stories though. I only hear about the good ones. I guess people don't want to post the things that fail very often.

oh, and please tell us about the good one too.

Happy moviing cowhead. Hope you recoup soon.

DucksNuts · 05-13-2006, 10:26 PM

Two of my friends married guys from other countries that they met via MSN chat.

Those are a bit trickier though I guess, 'specially since one couple didnt bother meeting prior to his big move over here, they are still married (4-ish years later) so I guess it cant be too bad?

I have met 2 guys that were friendships online, both turned out to be nothing like their online persona.

Cheyenne · 05-18-2006, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

I have met 2 guys that were friendships online, both turned out to be nothing like their online persona.

so better or worse than online?

DucksNuts · 05-19-2006, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheyenne

so better or worse than online?

I would definitely go with worse!

Cheyenne · 05-19-2006, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

I would definitely go with worse!

I would say that is the most likely senario for net relationships.

Stress Puppy · 05-14-2006, 01:01 PM

Both my brother and sister are married to people they met online, as is my mother-in-law.

However, my ex met a guy online and it turned out terribly. I'm not sure what happened, since I've come to realize how much she picks and chooses what to tell me, but apparently the cops became involved (he called them on her). She has also met several other people online that went well.

I've never had a bad experience meeting people from the internet, but I've only met a couple. One woman is one of my best friends, and another is a college girl that comes to me to make her feel better when she has some big problems. I can also talk to her about almost anything, though some of it is over her head. Not because she's stupid, but because I'm just significantly older than her and she hasn't had the experiences I have.

I guess it's a just a matter of instinct. If you feel like you can trust the person, then go for it. Google helps, too

monster · 05-14-2006, 01:15 PM

My family and I have met lots of the people from Britnet. We take road trips across America and meet up with Britnet posters along the way. Some we have met several times. One family we get on with so well that the parents will be guardians of our children should we snuff it at an early age. That good enough for you?

Bad experiences, none. But then we do this as a family so we are very, very careful, we are not in emotionally vulnerable positions, and our meet-ups are usually in passing rather than being the point of the trip, so if they don't work we can easily move on, which gives you an extra emotional get-out. Not that we've had to use it.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-14-2006, 06:30 PM

Haven't met but a handfull of people that I "know" online.
One I have met, turns out to be a most pleasant, humble and selfless person you could ever find. That be Undertoad.

MaggieL · 05-14-2006, 07:36 PM

Another key success factor is knowing how to have a long term relationship. I don't think it's a skill set that can be successfully described nor taught--except perhaps by example. My mom and dad, while they were not perfect in some ways, did manage to convey it to me. My brothers are all still with their first wives, and both have kids.

My first marriage lasted 23 years, untill we confronted the Mother of All Irreconcilable Differences. Breaking up was insanely difficult, but we managed to get though it without bloodshed. We're still civil to each other, and have managed to co-parent with apparent success.

I think it took a lot of the same skills to break up that it took to get together and stay together all that time.

I guess what I'm saying is: in building a relationship it's not just good raw materials (although they are vital as well). It's workmanship too. :-)

05-13-2006, 03:55 PM	#1
cowhead halve your cake and eat it too. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas Posts: 1,359	internet hookups... Alright, I'm not talking about the tawdry sex kind either.. I was wondering if anyone around here had actually accidently found someone that you get along with amazingly online and then found the reality to be even more amazing? and if perhaps it's odd that people of very similiar tastes/and or mind sets happen to find themselves in places like this or others? (sorry.. been moving for a couple of days again and am a little light headed (and not for any GOOD reason)).. I have a few horror stories about meeting people online, but does anyone have any good ones? ( I have a good one, but.. I don't have time to go into the messy details right now).. yeah I know, broad subject matter/possible answers/questions.. but ya'll are good with that sort of thing. __________________ no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire.

05-13-2006, 05:07 PM	#2
MaggieL in the Hour of Scampering Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Jeffersonville PA (15 mi NW of Philadelphia) Posts: 4,060	Met my current lifepartner over a decade ago online--back in the BBS days. We've been together now many years. For this to work you do have to be a decent judge of character...both online and in real life. Meeting someone online isn't really all that much different, although you do work from a slightly different set of clues. It's helpful not to be searching desparately, because that distorts your judgement horribly; you get into a state where you're willing to completely overlook the most obvious of warning signals. The best finds happen when you're not looking. __________________ "Neither can his Mind be thought to be in Tune,whose words do jarre; nor his reason In frame, whose sentence is preposterous..."

05-14-2006, 01:01 PM	#12
Stress Puppy Elite Elitist Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Fresno, CA Posts: 359	Both my brother and sister are married to people they met online, as is my mother-in-law. However, my ex met a guy online and it turned out terribly. I'm not sure what happened, since I've come to realize how much she picks and chooses what to tell me, but apparently the cops became involved (he called them on her). She has also met several other people online that went well. I've never had a bad experience meeting people from the internet, but I've only met a couple. One woman is one of my best friends, and another is a college girl that comes to me to make her feel better when she has some big problems. I can also talk to her about almost anything, though some of it is over her head. Not because she's stupid, but because I'm just significantly older than her and she hasn't had the experiences I have. I guess it's a just a matter of instinct. If you feel like you can trust the person, then go for it. Google helps, too __________________ ~Stress Puppy~ Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur

05-14-2006, 01:15 PM	#13
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	My family and I have met lots of the people from Britnet. We take road trips across America and meet up with Britnet posters along the way. Some we have met several times. One family we get on with so well that the parents will be guardians of our children should we snuff it at an early age. That good enough for you? Bad experiences, none. But then we do this as a family so we are very, very careful, we are not in emotionally vulnerable positions, and our meet-ups are usually in passing rather than being the point of the trip, so if they don't work we can easily move on, which gives you an extra emotional get-out. Not that we've had to use it. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-14-2006, 06:30 PM	#14
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Haven't met but a handfull of people that I "know" online. One I have met, turns out to be a most pleasant, humble and selfless person you could ever find. That be Undertoad. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

05-13-2006, 10:26 PM	#8
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Two of my friends married guys from other countries that they met via MSN chat. Those are a bit trickier though I guess, 'specially since one couple didnt bother meeting prior to his big move over here, they are still married (4-ish years later) so I guess it cant be too bad? I have met 2 guys that were friendships online, both turned out to be nothing like their online persona.

05-14-2006, 07:36 PM	#15
MaggieL in the Hour of Scampering Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Jeffersonville PA (15 mi NW of Philadelphia) Posts: 4,060	Another key success factor is knowing *how* to have a long term relationship. I don't think it's a skill set that can be successfully described nor taught--except perhaps by example. My mom and dad, while they were not perfect in some ways, did manage to convey it to me. My brothers are all still with their first wives, and both have kids. My first marriage lasted 23 years, untill we confronted the Mother of All Irreconcilable Differences. Breaking up was insanely difficult, but we managed to get though it without bloodshed. We're still civil to each other, and have managed to co-parent with apparent success. I think it took a lot of the same skills to break up that it took to get together and stay together all that time. I guess what I'm saying is: in building a relationship it's not just good raw materials (although they are vital as well). It's workmanship too. :-) __________________ "Neither can his Mind be thought to be in Tune,whose words do jarre; nor his reason In frame, whose sentence is preposterous..."

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