I know this isn't Oprah but...

[Catwoman]

Today I feel blue. In fact, it's a dark deep navy. With black edges. I think I have a broken heart. Again. Can I talk about it?

I'm going to anyway.

This is the background: I live in a house with four people. We are all twenty-something. There are two guys and two girls. For the moment we will disregard the other guy as he only moved in recently and isn't really part of this. So, two girls and a guy. For as long as I have known the other girl, she has been in 'love' with the guy, but he's never reciprocated. Then, about six months ago, things happened between them and they embarked on a sexual relationship, i.e. friends-who-fuck not boyfriend-and-girlfriend. Girl then went travelling for 3 months, and returned home yesterday.

Rewind to about 12 months ago. I started developing feelings for the guy. Don't know how or why. Thought it best to bury them. Didn't want to jeopardise the friendship, and I knew how the girl (by now a good friend) felt. Imagine the pain when they got it together. But, being fairly resilient, I managed to deal with it, mostly by ignoring it (hard when you live in the same house).

However, while said girl was away, for the last three months myself and this guy had a bit of a fling. And it wasn't just sexual. We found our friendship growing stronger and stronger, and spent so much time talking, I have never met anyone I connect with, who is so in tune with me, who is so intelligent he makes me question myself every day, as he says I do to him. Cliche or not, I have never felt so alive and happy. I think I've fallen in love with him.

But now she's back. It's awkward. She has always been competitive with me, and I'm sure she senses something, because it's worse than ever. Her flirtation is relentless. And he has no intention of discontinuing their 'relationship'. He says he finds it hard, knowing (to some extent) how we both feel, although I think he's got it made. Two beautiful girls, mad about him, in the same house? Except I am the underdog. No one knows about our 'affair', and he is going to carry on with her like nothing happened. Under the same roof. I can't describe how painful this is. At best, the social environment is incredibly uncomfortable and forced. At worst, my heart aches, my stomach contracts and leaving the room is all I can do not to cry and cry.

To move out, however, would be to give up. And there is still a part of me that is clinging onto the possibility that we still have a chance. It is incredibly arrogant of me, but I don't think she has the qualities he deserves, nowhere near. She has very cleverly manipulated him and he cannot see it. She becomes something she is not around him. Says she likes things because he does, aligns herself with him so he believes they are similar. She is completely different. She is weak and he is strong. She is naive, conniving and doesn't love him for who he is, but for someone she thinks she can mould him into, given the opportunity. I can't stand to watch.

I don't want to change him, I love him the way he is. I love the way we make each other feel, I would spend time with him over anyone else I know and value him more than anyone I have ever met, and I can't bear not being with him. Does selfless, accepting, pure, passionate love not get a chance just because it doesn't fight or play games?

Sorry to go on. Just had to get it off my chest. If anyone has anything to say that doesn't involve the words 'together', 'yourself' and 'pull' I would be so grateful.