Crossing the line

gamine · 11-20-2006, 06:31 PM

Hello all,

I'm really stymied and a little miffed at my fiance's friend, but don't know if I'm overreacting and really need an objective opinion! Can anyone offer one?

My fiance (we'll call him "Mike" owns a business and about 8 months ago I left my career to work with him. He is out of the country and asked me to check his e-mail since I am taking care of the business in his absence. An e-mail came in from a married friend of his (we'll call him "Bob") advising that one of his female friends would be calling to seek advice about her new business, since it is similar to his line of work, and that she was a friend of the family, her son being friends with Bob's son. Then he goes on to say:

"She is an attractive blond single mother about 40. Her son is friends with my John. They lived down the street from us until about 4 years ago.
She is struggling a bit being husbandless, but she is very bright and
quick on the uptake, as they say. I think she's got a lot of balls. Please be nice to her."

This is where I kind of lose it. Why is it necessary to mention that she's an attractive single blond? And that she's struggling being husbandless?

Absent that intro I would have no problem. But I feel like Bob crossed the line. Now Bob has been married for a while, has kids and is a college friend of my fiance, Mike. However, Bob was incommunicado with my fiance for about 15 or 20 years while my fiance was single because Bob's wife didn't want Bob hanging out with a single, party guy (my fiance, Mike)! Now, they are friends again, and I believe Mike is trustworthy, but I felt particularly uncomfortable with Bob's "presentation" of his female friend. Plus my guy Mike is a big softie, and very empathic towards anyone in need.

How should I interpret this whole situation? Perhaps Bob is just trying to be nice to his female friend, but should that be at my expense? Shouldn't he understand the dynamic that he has just created? Especially in light of what he went through with his wife.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

And, thanks!

Gamine

11-20-2006, 06:31 PM	#1
gamine Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2	Crossing the line Hello all, I'm really stymied and a little miffed at my fiance's friend, but don't know if I'm overreacting and really need an objective opinion! Can anyone offer one? My fiance (we'll call him "Mike" owns a business and about 8 months ago I left my career to work with him. He is out of the country and asked me to check his e-mail since I am taking care of the business in his absence. An e-mail came in from a married friend of his (we'll call him "Bob") advising that one of his female friends would be calling to seek advice about her new business, since it is similar to his line of work, and that she was a friend of the family, her son being friends with Bob's son. Then he goes on to say: "She is an attractive blond single mother about 40. Her son is friends with my John. They lived down the street from us until about 4 years ago. She is struggling a bit being husbandless, but she is very bright and quick on the uptake, as they say. I think she's got a lot of balls. Please be nice to her." This is where I kind of lose it. Why is it necessary to mention that she's an attractive single blond? And that she's struggling being husbandless? Absent that intro I would have no problem. But I feel like Bob crossed the line. Now Bob has been married for a while, has kids and is a college friend of my fiance, Mike. However, Bob was incommunicado with my fiance for about 15 or 20 years while my fiance was single because Bob's wife didn't want Bob hanging out with a single, party guy (my fiance, Mike)! Now, they are friends again, and I believe Mike is trustworthy, but I felt particularly uncomfortable with Bob's "presentation" of his female friend. Plus my guy Mike is a big softie, and very empathic towards anyone in need. How should I interpret this whole situation? Perhaps Bob is just trying to be nice to his female friend, but should that be at my expense? Shouldn't he understand the dynamic that he has just created? Especially in light of what he went through with his wife. I'd love to hear your thoughts! And, thanks! Gamine

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