Life changing experiences, thought changing experiences

[Number 2 Pencil]

Life changes us.

A few years ago my life went through a major upheaval. I spent time going through a serious bout of mental illness. I was in and out of hospitals for a while, was put on all sorts of pills that didn't help, but finally I stabilized and have been stable for a few years now. Now, in some ways I feel healthier mentally than I was before my illness (my doctor told me some people that go through severe mental illnesses come out with a new understanding of themselves). I take things a little easier and don't stress myself out over small stuff. I feel like more of a whole person and not so 'fragmented.' Some things like my short term memory and my concentration aren't as good as before I think, but they were never very good to begin with. It took a long time to get to this point.

One big thing that happened to me during this transition was that I let go of religion. In some ways, I believe, the magical thinking of religion and spirituality made me susceptible to the delusions I experienced. Thinking that flipping to a random page of the bible and reading a passage and believing that this will have some connection to ones situation seems innocent enough, but when you end up doing this obsessively and thinking god is actually talking to you directly, then you have gone off the deep end.

Surprisingly, I don't think letting go of religion has changed my morality much, except for being pro-choice now and not thinking of sin as having to be forgiven by god. In my day to day life choices I do more or less the same as I did before when I had religion. (Though losing the guilt of being a sinner that can never please god feels terrific I have to say)

My whole frame of reference to the world has shifted in a way I never though would happen. I thought my faith was unshakable, and yet, here I am now without any faith, and feeling good about that fact. My experience of going through all that mental anguish has changed me irrevocably, and despite all the pain I went through, I feel it was somehow worth it to have the clarity of mind that I have now.

My question to the Cellar is: have you ever changed in a way you never imagined would happen? Was it an experience or series of experiences, or a book or a conversation that did it? Did you ever find religion or faith in something, or lose faith in religion or something, and then discover your life totally changed?