Momma's got Depression

[Clodfobble]

Depression is not the same as anxiety, but I always found it really helpful to think of exercise in terms of self-harm. Like, yeah, cutting hurts, but 100 sit-ups hurt more. And then no one knows what you're up to.

[DanaC]

But where the well-meaning mentally healthy person sees a straightforward progression toward improvement, we see the paradox: yes, if we could do those things, it might help our depression, but not being able to do those things is a major part of being depressed.

Oh jesus, yes!

For me it's not exercise that's the problem, but doing things to progress the good stuff in my life - like cleaning my house, cooking proper meals, making that phone call to sort out a bill. These things that seem so easy when in one state of mind, feel like a virtual impossibility in another.

[anonymous]

It turns out Momma has probably suffered from depression her whole life but didn't know it, didn't know a person could be "down" without a real "reason", didn't really know about depression, didn't understand it, didn't realize she wasn't just lazy and useless. Now Momma has several good reasons to be down and lives a good part of her life as a useful and productive adult, it's easier for her to spot it and admit it. A little easier. Not any easier to ask for help, though. Not any easier at all. Maybe harder because Momma needs to be strong for others.

[Griff]

Thank you for sharing this.

[limey]

Momma can let off steam here. Does she have any friends not connected to those she has to be strong for that she could lean on, rant at, vent at? Perhaps that would help a little?

[infinite monkey]

Momma does need to take care of Momma, that much we know. What none of us can understand is any one person's experience. However, some of us do understand depression on a general level. And (I hope this comes out right) I think we people who deal with it are, in some strange ways, stronger than those who don't (and please note that I said 'in some strange ways' because the distinction is important. So many people are strong in ways I envy and can never be.) What I mean is, every time we ask for help, or every time we put a foot on the floor and get up, every time we post in a thread, every time we put the covers over our heads, every time we let someone help, and every time we push someone away...we are doing what it takes to survive in that particular moment.

I applaud Momma, and I wish with all my heart that Momma knows what she is and feels better someday. There, that part sounds trite...but even for me I hold the things that people say very near to me: both mean and nice...it all hits me in my 'heart.' And the nice things, the good things, while they don't change the depression, sometimes they really help.

Sorry if I sound stupid.

[glatt]

Of course you are stronger.

If I don't have depression, and getting though the day is easy, does that mean I am strong? I don't think so. I haven't been tested.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Every day...

[Clodfobble]

Sometimes the "have to be strong for others" thing is a fallacy. Sometimes others need to see us vulnerable because it gives them permission to be vulnerable too. I spent a long time being strong for others and only later found out how much they resented my supposed strength, because they didn't think they could live up to it or be worthy of it.

[infinite monkey]

That is a really good point, Clodfobble.

[hideouse]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMP8h7fPpoY

[anonymous]

Momma took one of her offspring to a new shrink today. (Because insurance changes) New shrink seemed more concerned with Momma's depression than kid's woes. Told Momma Kid's troubles not her fault ...then told momma her depression is not helping kid. =fault in Momma's eyes.

Momma had forgotten all about this thread. Forgotten that when she finally did go for counselling they told her she'd always had depression.

Momma has many good reasons to be depressed right now. She feels entitled. And now Momma is miserable about being told to get fixed. For other people.
but Maybe Momma will email the new shrink to find someone again. And maybe not.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I've always wondered if you should fine a shrink and stick it out hoping to be shown the fix, or try several shrinks to see if you can find one who thinks the way you do and will give you the confidence to go fix yourself?

I'm sure it's not hard for you to picture scenarios with both approaches, so which way is best?

[Dude111]

I hope your mom is doing better anonymous!!

God bless you my friend

[Griff]

The last thing folks want to be told is to do something when they need to do something but you've been carrying a lot for other people which makes it easy not to. Imma give myself the award for that sentence. Please do something for yourself.