How to be a Bully.....online?

[lumberjim]

I certainly get accused of it enough.( and UT lately ) I generally don't bother to argue about it. But, as i think about it, I can't seem to decide what it is about what I say or the way I say it that makes it 'bullying'. It kind of bothers me.

I've asked jinx, and one other person. jinx shrugs and shakes her head. she doesn't get it either. The other person(left nameless unless they decide otherwise) says that it's because I don't mind telling someone about themself, in a funny way, without apology, and that somehow influences others to share my opinion, which (I guess I could see) makes the person feel outnumbered and bullied.

But the usage of the label 'Bully' implies intent. I can't honestly say whether or not i have 'intent to bully'. Not consciously, i think. When i pick on someone, it's in response to something they say to me or someone else. I've never gone out of my way and initiated anything out of the blue.

I know what that's like.....Dagney.

So, help me out. If you think I'm a bully or a jerk, I'd like to know why. Specifically. I promise I won't hold it against you. sigh.

..........It strikes me as i close this, that this is a bit attention whorish. well, surprise, we're all like that a little bit. It's just that I've tried not to turn the conversation in this direction in the middle of a discussion about something else, everytime someone calls me (or UT) a bully.

[footfootfoot]

I never thought of you as a bully but rather as someone who isn't afraid to speak his mind, doesn't pull punches, and doesn't really worry too much about what others think of him. I mean you work at a car dealership fer crissakes.

Just a little frisky in a pugilistic sort of way, but not a bully. You don't wait for dwellars in the virtual stairway and then pounce on them and pummel the shit out them.

So, no, I don't think you're a bully.

[skysidhe]

@ footfoot A flamer can be discriminating or not. :p Believe me I know. I used to flame at will
No, I don't think he is waiting to flame just about anyone and he dosn't but the fact is there was someone who 'felt bullied' so I relate my answer to the problem of mari.

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My first real response would have been to make a sarcastic remark and tease you about appearing humble but I don't want to be disrespectful to a genuine and sincere question so I won't.

When I think of bullying it involves slander and libel. Defamation of character of one person in a community. We don't stand in our employee break rooms and defame someones reputation so the idea is perhaps we shouldn't defame people online either.

A bully usually goes beyond the ordinary troll and flame. It involves implying you have special information on a person that someone else dosn't have. We are practically strangers on the net and all things being equal there is just so much you can presume to know about a person via text so when we start connecting dots that may or may not have any basis in reality we could be called a bully, or a cyber bully.

I looked up some definitions of 'online bullying or cyber bully' and this is what I found to support my thoughts about it.

Do these definitions describe online bullying? To me they do.

http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilre...yberspace.html

In law, defamation is the communication of a statement that makes an express or implied factual claim that may harm the reputation of an individual, business, product, group, government or nation. Most jurisdictions provide legal actions, civil and/or criminal, to punish various kinds of defamation.
Libel & Defamation in the Information Age
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slander_and_libel

The Internet is an informal forum and people often write personal things
about other users, but you can be held accountable in court for making
libelous or defamatory remarks in public forums just like Hardwick was.

Anybody can sue you for libel or defamation if they think you damaged
their reputation, but if you can prove what you say is true, chances are
that you won't end up in court.

"Make it clear when you are stating your opinion," says Donaldson,
"Always state the facts that your opinions are based on just to be safe.
You probably won't lose a libel or defamation lawsuit if you can back up
what you write with solid facts."

[edit- I was trying to be analytical about it and went a little overboard. 'scuse me ]

[Elspode]

LJ, I don't think you're a bully, but I do think you find at least some moderate entertainment in people getting whipped into a frenzy, even if they're mostly whipping themselves.

You don't usually pour gasoline on the proverbial fire, but you rarely reach for the extinguisher, either. "Bully" doesn't describe it, but perhaps "insensitive" - at times - does.

My .02, and yes, I still love you, you big hunka lumbercock, ya.

[lookout123]

i don't think you are a bully. i do consider you to be a certified, grade a shit-stirrer. i don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. you tend to very bluntly post what many others think and that is followed up with a whole lot of "me-to's" which can activate the defense mechanisms of many who are looking to be victims.
i usually find humor in your posts though.

[limey]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

... But, as i think about it, I can't seem to decide what it is about what I say or the way I say it that makes it 'bullying'. It kind of bothers me.
...But the usage of the label 'Bully' implies intent. I can't honestly say whether or not i have 'intent to bully'. Not consciously, i think. ....

Substitute "bossy" for "bully/ing" above and that could be me talking, so I feel a pang of sympathy for you LJ.
I think we are both very direct in what we say and the way we say it. I think you like to "get a rise" out of people and then pursue it to see how far it'll run, perhaps out of disbelief that they get so aerated about what you're saying. I think you enjoy playing to the gallery, too, so once there is an audience to your bating of a person, you are spurred on to greater efforts.
I like to wind people up, too but this is usually not so much in the form of personal attack (this is how many of your posts appear to me, LJ), but by leg-pulling, so this behaviour of mine is a little removed from my "bossy" persona. Maybe that's how I get away with it and you don't, LJ? I'd still rather not be seen as "bossy" and the only way around it that I can think of is to warn people that I don't mean to be bossy even when I appear to be so - doesn't work all that well unfortunately .

[Griff]

I think part of the deal is that Tony feels the need to hold back a bit, so you get a little protective of our man. You are part of the bare knuckles atmosphere here, which is, frankly, what makes us charming. It can look like bullying when folks have not been paying close attention.

[Aliantha]

I do think you're a bully LJ, but maybe that's because I don't find you funny.

I do think you're cruel to people sometimes. The problem I see with you is that your humour is closely related to your malice and so, what might be intended to be funny to some, is hurtful to others. Sometimes not even your intended 'victim'. Someone who didn't relish in seeing others squirming wouldn't do that, and therefor couldn't be considered a bully.

As to you protecting your man, if that's the case and you're saying the things UT doesn't say for the sake of propriety, then that makes you nothing better than 'hired help'.

Anyway, you asked for opinions and that's mine. I don't suppose you expected to have all positive replies did you?

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I don't suppose you expected to have all positive replies did you?

If you think I'm a bully or a jerk, I'd like to know why. Specifically.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

As to you protecting your man, if that's the case and you're saying the things UT doesn't say for the sake of propriety, then that makes you nothing better than 'hired help'.

i didn't say that. griff did.

i think this is part of the problem. the perpetuation of the meme through reference made by others.

[lumberjim]

so, ali, what you're saying is that because you don't find me funny, it just seems malicious? is it possible that because you percieve me as malicious, you don't find me funny? i could see that. and your point about collateral damage to those that witness a drubbing of someone that they identify with is well taken. thank you.

[Aliantha]

uote:



Originally Posted by Aliantha

As to you protecting your man, if that's the case and you're saying the things UT doesn't say for the sake of propriety, then that makes you nothing better than 'hired help'.



i didn't say that. griff did.


I know you didn't say that, and that's why I said, 'if that's the case', because you hadn't yet responded to the post.

[SteveDallas]

Jim, if you look at "bullying" in the context of, say, the fifth grade, you're dealing with kids who are mandated to be in a certain place at a certain time, all together. They have no choice. I can give you specific a list of assholes that I would have avoided at all cost if I hadn't been forced to go to school with them.

This is not school. Anybody is free to leave. Anybody is free to not read what someone else has written. Anybody is free to use the handy "ignore" function. Our parents (and the state) aren't making us show up here at 8:00 every morning.

So, while I don't want to seem callous, it's beyond me how anybody can feel "bullied" in an environment where it's so easy to avoid a person altogether.

That's my take on it. I'm not going to get into judging specific posts or behavior with specific people. It's obvious that personal vendettas can develop here, with or without justification. I choose not to take sides in the ones that don't involve me.

[lumberjim]

so...you're trying to start shit between me and Griff? that's not very nice.

[lookout123]

Anybody is free to leave.

not all of us are so free. my addiction is a disease. i blame my disease on all of you. if you weren't all so damned clever and interesting I'd be free from my disease. where is JOhn Edwards when you need him, i think i've got a case here.

[Aliantha]

About your second response, I think there's a big difference in what some people percieve as humour and what others see as nastiness.

I guess all humour has its roots in satire, but maybe I just prefer more subtle forms of it and that's why I find your overt and explicit comments rather base.

I think the difference between funny and being a bully is that if even the intended victim can see the humour then it's harmless, but the minute you're getting amusment out of someone else's pain, discomfort or sadness...even anger, then from what i know of bullying, that makes you a bully.