Tiki Bitches About... - Page 13

DanaC · 04-13-2009, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiki

And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.

Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post.

Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written.

04-13-2009, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post.

Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written.

If he'd apologized and clarified when I interpreted it that way, I would know what he was actually trying to say, and I would have taken his word for it that I had misinterpreted. However, he has not, and it really doesn't matter how many third parties re-interpret it differently if he himself does not deny the interpretation I objected to.

Aliantha · 04-13-2009, 06:35 PM

Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.

BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions.

04-13-2009, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.

BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions.

He didn't clarify after telling me I have "issues with control"... he went on to add more insult, which was to suggest that I change my boundaries to accommodate my chatty housemate, and he did it in a rather condescending manner.

I don't think "everyone" has a problem with me, Aliantha. I think it's a few people who are choosing to take sides with the established member and dogpile the newbie. Many have done so in an incredibly offensive, insulting manner... and you're suggesting that the problem lies with me? Because I wanted to vent about a housemate not respecting my boundaries and workspace? For this, I've been accused of being a control freak, having a personality disorder, being crazy, being antisocial, and best of all, for holding the line on my personal boundaries and refusing to be bullied into thinking there's something wrong with me for having them, I've been told I deserve to be physically assaulted.

All by a few charming individuals. Not by "everyone else". I haven't been dogpiled like this, let alone over something so innocuous, on any other forum I've been on, including but not limited to pricipiadiscordia.com where they're famous for dogpiling everyone.

04-13-2009, 08:16 PM

Another thought; the majority of people who responded did so with sympathy or humor, totally "getting" that I was just venting about something I feel frustrated by. The few people who responded by telling me that I'm wrong to feel the way I do were, in doing so, showing no respect for me or my boundaries, revealing that THEY have trouble respecting other people's boundaries... which I find interesting. It makes me wonder if my post pushed some of their buttons and made them feel subconsciously defensive about their tendency to disrespect other people's boundaries, which is why they had to go on to defend my housemate (ie. themselves) by telling me I'm wrong/neurotic to want a reasonable lack of interruption in my workspace during working hours.

lumberjim · 04-13-2009, 08:33 PM

wow, that's SO deep!

i was just trying to egg you on so you'd flip out some more. I like that.

Aliantha · 04-13-2009, 08:41 PM

Well again, just to clarify, I don't think UT was telling you you should change. I believe he was suggesting it might be easier if you did.

If you just wanted people to respond with jokes, maybe you should have included more smilies for context.

If you didn't want advice, regardless if it was well intentioned or not, you could have just ignored those that tried to help in their own way.

Again, I don't see where UT was offensive, and I'd challenge anyone else to find it.

And before you accuse me of dogpiling. That's not my scene. I'm making an individual observation.

Pico and ME · 04-13-2009, 08:50 PM

Tiki...you were offensive with your second response to UT. You told him to fuck off and I think most people here thought that it was uncalled for. You did the same thing to Dana. These are two people who who are highly respected on this forum, so of course people responded on their behalf. You seem to think you are being dogpiled on when in fact your are the one who started the shit.

capnhowdy · 04-13-2009, 08:54 PM

.

lumberjim · 04-13-2009, 08:56 PM

_________________/
________________Tiki

TheMercenary · 04-13-2009, 09:26 PM

BigV · 04-13-2009, 10:34 PM

I get it Tiki. I don't share your sensitivity to yammering, but I *completely* understand the desire to vent my frustrations to someone who (I imagine) is listening. I understand the release brought by articulating my negative feelings; until I can express them, I can't process them, shed myself of the burden they represent.

*Sometimes*, sometimes, the right person to tell them to is the source of my frustration. Sometimes. But when telling them wouldn't be true and helpful and kind, I refrain. I can hear now the parsings of what is true and helpful and kind--not the point here. Still, I have to get it out of my system. That I get.

The responses here ranged from sincere attempts at helpful advice to deliberate provocation, though no where did I see you ask for advice and I am sure you weren't trolling for a fight. Clearly you handled yourself just fine without my help. I don't have any advice. I don't want to stir the shit. I only wanted to say, as far as I can tell, you're doing fine, especially if this kind of expression has the *net* result of reducing your aggravations. If not, remember there's always the Ignore button.

Whoops, that was perilously close to advice. Well, it works on my posts too. I hope you feel better.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-14-2009, 12:46 AM

Quote:

When men have a problem and they tell you about it, they want to know how to fix it.

When women have a problem and they tell you about it, they just want you to listen.

lumberjim · 04-14-2009, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quoted by bruce

When men have a problem and they tell you about it, they want to know how to fix it.

When women have a problem and they tell you about it, they just want you to listen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

this thread= that scene in White Men Can't Jump where Rosie tells Woodie that she is thirsty, and then breaks his balls for getting her a glass of water.

jinx · 04-14-2009, 01:09 PM

I used to work with a notorious talker, in an office with about 60 other people. Everyone agreed there was no worse fate than being trapped alone in a room with this woman, and she knew it. She literally could not stop herself, every thought in her head needed to be shared, and would also remind her of the next thing she needed to tell you.... until you were literally in your car rolling up the window and inching away from her as she continued to blab away. Seriously.

My son is a talker. Most of the time it's fine - but sometimes *I* need (or just want) to use my brain and have it all to myself, so I tell him "I need a minute please". If he remembers what pokemon or football player he was telling about later, fine, if not it teaches him that not every thought needs to be shared. I don't answer my cell phone every time it rings either. Sometimes I'm not available.

04-13-2009, 06:35 PM	#183
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider. BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

04-13-2009, 08:33 PM	#186
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	wow, that's SO deep! i was just trying to egg you on so you'd flip out some more. I like that. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

04-13-2009, 08:41 PM	#187
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Well again, just to clarify, I don't think UT was telling you you should change. I believe he was suggesting it might be easier if you did. If you just wanted people to respond with jokes, maybe you should have included more smilies for context. If you didn't want advice, regardless if it was well intentioned or not, you could have just ignored those that tried to help in their own way. Again, I don't see where UT was offensive, and I'd challenge anyone else to find it. And before you accuse me of dogpiling. That's not my scene. I'm making an individual observation. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

04-13-2009, 08:54 PM	#189
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

04-13-2009, 08:56 PM	#190
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	_________________/ ________________Tiki __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

04-13-2009, 08:16 PM	#185
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	Another thought; the majority of people who responded did so with sympathy or humor, totally "getting" that I was just venting about something I feel frustrated by. The few people who responded by telling me that I'm wrong to feel the way I do were, in doing so, showing no respect for me or my boundaries, revealing that THEY have trouble respecting other people's boundaries... which I find interesting. It makes me wonder if my post pushed some of their buttons and made them feel subconsciously defensive about their tendency to disrespect other people's boundaries, which is why they had to go on to defend my housemate (ie. themselves) by telling me I'm wrong/neurotic to want a reasonable lack of interruption in my workspace during working hours.

04-13-2009, 08:50 PM	#188
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	Tiki...you were offensive with your second response to UT. You told him to fuck off and I think most people here thought that it was uncalled for. You did the same thing to Dana. These are two people who who are highly respected on this forum, so of course people responded on their behalf. You seem to think you are being dogpiled on when in fact your are the one who started the shit.

04-13-2009, 09:26 PM	#191
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	__________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

04-13-2009, 10:34 PM	#192
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I get it Tiki. I don't share your sensitivity to yammering, but I completely understand the desire to vent my frustrations to someone who (I imagine) is listening. I understand the release brought by articulating my negative feelings; until I can express them, I can't process them, shed myself of the burden they represent. Sometimes, sometimes, the right person to tell them to is the source of my frustration. Sometimes. But when telling them wouldn't be true and helpful and kind, I refrain. I can hear now the parsings of what is true and helpful and kind--not the point here. Still, I have to get it out of my system. That I get. The responses here ranged from sincere attempts at helpful advice to deliberate provocation, though no where did I see you ask for advice and I am sure you weren't trolling for a fight. Clearly you handled yourself just fine without my help. I don't have any advice. I don't want to stir the shit. I only wanted to say, as far as I can tell, you're doing fine, especially if this kind of expression has the net result of reducing your aggravations. If not, remember there's always the Ignore button. Whoops, that was perilously close to advice. Well, it works on my posts too. I hope you feel better. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

04-14-2009, 01:09 PM	#195
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	I used to work with a notorious talker, in an office with about 60 other people. Everyone agreed there was no worse fate than being trapped alone in a room with this woman, and she knew it. She literally could not stop herself, every thought in her head needed to be shared, and would also remind her of the next thing she needed to tell you.... until you were literally in your car rolling up the window and inching away from her as she continued to blab away. Seriously. My son is a talker. Most of the time it's fine - but sometimes I need (or just want) to use my brain and have it all to myself, so I tell him "I need a minute please". If he remembers what pokemon or football player he was telling about later, fine, if not it teaches him that not every thought needs to be shared. I don't answer my cell phone every time it rings either. Sometimes I'm not available. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

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