The Sex Thread

[kerosene]

Cool! I had no idea this thread would get such response!

I knew syc was just fuckin with me...he knows I have seen the craziness that goes on around here, and we are both long time cellarers. I dig the guy and even wander over to the bosque every now and again. I pretty much like to get along with everyone. Once in a while I will step out of my normal neutral character and start shit with someone if I think they are being an ass, but most of the time, I let people just do their thing without giving them too much grief.

As for syc living closer to me...it would really rock if he ever got over to my side of the river for a few drinks or something. Something tells me he doesn't make it to Copeland all that often. We don't make it to the city much, either...about the biggest city either of us can stand is Wichita. And that only lasts a few hours.

So, I suppose I ought to fess up.

:deep breath:

So, my current man and I are like...well, we have to have it pretty much every day. If we don't, we both start getting grouchy at each other and I tell him "I just need to get laid!" So, we fix that problem pretty easily. But it isn't like "Oh, honey, we should go have sex". We never really talk about it like that. It always comes through more in actions, like he smacks my butt and growls at me or I grab him and give him a great big passionate kiss in the middle of making dinner or something. I really like that about him. I can relate to what stacey said about making excuses and stuff. When I think about sex, often I just think I don't feel like it, but when my man just has to have it, it's so much more fun. I think it is great, though, that he wants it so much. Sometimes I just want it so much, so I kind of do the same thing, by trying to turn him on and doing things I know he will like. I love that he makes me feel so much like a woman...I don't know how else to describe it. I guess in the past, most of the sex I had I was sort of in control. That was just kind of how it had to be with most guys I was with, but with my fiancee, he likes to be "the man" so much, and I love it. I know it sounds kind of silly. We are just so compatible in that way. Alot of women kind of freak out about a guy who has had a lot of sex in the past, but I think it is cool that he has so much experience, because he really knows what he is doing.

We like to do stuff like play little games...I don't know if anyone else does this...we pretend we are different people...not for the sake of each other, but for ourselves. We don't do it all the time, because sometimes, we just want to be close to each other. But sometimes, it heightens things a little bit if we, say, pretend he is my boss and I am his secretary or something. There are lots of other things we pretend, but I don't really want to divulge all of it. We never pretend we are anyone specific, like, say a movie star or anything. That sort of takes the fun out of it. We are always still ourselves, but in different roles in our lives when we play.

What I really like about my guy is the way he treats my body. I am not as little and cute as I use to be, so sometimes I don't feel so good about myself...but he never makes an issue about that. He just treats my body and me like I am the hottest chick he has ever seen. He makes me feel hot, because he doesn't just talk about it, he shows it with his actions and his drive. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, because I actually believe I am with the hottest guy I have ever seen.

About the boyfriend being gay part...yes, I have wondered about certain boyfriends being gay. I started having sex with this guy once and we were "sort of" dating, but I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with the situation...it was like he was too much like me, or something. He didn't look gay or act gay, but he was so super sensitive, I just couldn't help but think he might be. It wasn't just the sensitive part, either...he had a really hard time when it came to sex. He didn't ask me to do anything particularly kinky, like up the ass or anything, but when we had sex, he just could not come. It was like he was afraid to or something. I couldn't stay with him. I felt bad breaking up with him, and really, I could have been more honest with him, but the sex was just so frustrating, I couldn't go on. What a hell of a thing to tell a guy, too..."I'm sorry, I can't be with you anymore...the sex is just too frustrating!" I probably could be that honest now, if I were in that same situation, but back then, I was too shy.

[kerosene]

Ugh, now I am resisting the urge to edit that thread. I am WAY out of my comfort zone, right now!

[Undertoad]

Naw, leave it, it ain't that big a deal.

Jacquelita and I are that hot for each other, except that it's weekends only.

We ain't bragging, it's just facts.

[Clodfobble]

My gay boyfriend had actually been in a few situations with other men in his younger years. He also experimented with a lot of drugs during those years and he claimed that the two were linked, that the whole thing was one huge exploration/rebellion and he always knew he could never have satisfactory relationship with a guy.

But yeah, he was like your guy, case--couldn't get it up, couldn't keep it up, couldn't come. We only tried maybe once a month, and were only successful maybe once every 3 months. It got a lot worse after we had a talk about it at some point and I told him that "the sex wasn't important to me," meaning that it wasn't how I judged the relationship, trying to make him feel less insecure about it--but he must have decided it meant I didn't like sex or didn't find him attractive or something, because things just went downhill from there.

The other really awkward thing was that he had never been broken up with, ever. He had always been the one to end his relationships--and he brought this up, to me and in front me, all the freaking time. He was proud of it. I actually felt bad for his ego, and gave him plenty of time to take the hint and break up with me first, but it never happened. When I finally broke up with him, he wrote it off as a nervous breakdown on my part (a role I admit I played up a bit because, like I said, he had self-esteem problems and I genuinely felt bad for him) which he of course was very understanding about because he had had them before.

Looking back, I don't really regret the relationship, I certainly had worse ones... the whole thing is just kind of sad to me.

[Trilby]

I want sex everyday. I like quickies as well as long, all-out, hair-pulling sessions. I could probably have sex twice a day. I LOVE everything about it but I have to respect the guy. Like StaceyV I like my men to 1) Know that I want it, and 2) give it to me! I also like thinking that I could (I never have) participate in a gang bang. MMMMMmmmmmm---LOTS of guys--LOTS AND LOTS! I've been thoroughly perverted thru men I've known. I am such a perfect addict that whatever game you're into, I'll try at least once. Except for the obvious set-in-stone no-no's. We all know what those are. I also like my men to be considerably older than I am and good at aural sex. I like a man who can talk dirty, and back it up, too. Ahhh....Sex! I wonder if I'll ever have it AGAIN?

PS--no turning this into a Thread about Possibly Gay boyfriends. This is the SEX thread--my hats off to case for providing the topic!!

YAY!!

I've done a ton of drugs but they never made me ONCE want to do another girl. EVER.

[hot_pastrami]

Originally Posted by staceyv

My last long term relationship was a mess because of my low libido. He felt rejected, he sat around and pouted because he listened to my stupid excuses and he never got any. He wasn't man enough to take what he wanted. He complained endlessly about the lack of sex we had. The more he complained, the less I wanted it. It ultimately destroyed us.

I have been on the other side of that kind of relationship, except the part where being aggressive and taking what I wanted resulted in a net positive result. Things were very spicy at first, but once the relationship became pretty secure, her libido rapidly declined until she had pretty much no sex drive. At all. Ever. She still wanted the kissing and the cuddling, but not sex. I tried being aggresive at first, but her protestations just got louder until she would finally give in, and she'd lay still and look bored the whole time, which isn't particularly enjoyable for either.

I tried buying us sex books to read together and try things from, I bought vibrating toys and aromatic oils, I made heroic efforts with romance and foreplay, I gave her full-body massages (which just put her to sleep)... nothing worked. I tried asking her what she wanted, and she offered no suggestions. She explored possible medical explanations through her doctor, with no success. Every time I brought the subject up for serious discussion, she would get very pissed off and defensive, even though I made a conscious effort to be unaccusing and open-minded.

So after awhile, my interest began to wane... and then she would get angry and hurt when I didn't show interest. She didn't want sex, she just wanted me to want sex. And she was terrified that I'd leave her.

Whenever I brought the subject up, she probably saw it as complaining. Whenever I got frustrated by her lack of responsiveness and didn't want to be around her for awhile, she probably saw it as pouting. I wonder if she ever realized that her long-term sexual indifference reduced me from a happy, confident man into a frustrated and insecure mess.

I like to think that the problem wasn't me... I like to think that my tool was big enough to satisfy her, and that I am attractive enough to be desirable. But maybe I'm wrong. I have had other relationships where the girl NEVER seemed bored in the sack, but maybe they just had low standards. Bah. I'll probably carry some of that insecurity around with me for the rest of my days.

Sorry for the long post. I've been bottling that one up for awhile.

[Trilby]

hot pastrami-sounds like it was definitely HER problem and get rid of that feeling of insecurity you carry because of her. Some women (not me, of course!) are weird. Some are very, very weird. Some would rather manipulate you than love you. Learn to recognize those women and give wide berth. I only made fun of my professor's penis because I am hurt and trying mightily to harden my heart towards him. Size really DOESN'T matter. I was with him for over two years and I never had such awesome sex as with him. Size DOES NOT MATTER! I'm sure you are totally normal in that dept. anyway. My guy was unusually small but, man, what an ego!! It's his ego I'm doing battle with. I took an easy pot-shot, I admit, but I'm not at my best right now. Whew! Now let's talk about sex!

[anonymous]

sex what a hangup. i like sex alot. I read hotpastrami's post and I feel your pain. I have had the same experience. From hot to not. Just layin there taking it, no kissing, no conection-bah! That's not stimulating for me either.

Sex is two parts, and the rubbing of the slippery bits is the easy part. The part that's between your ears is the increadibly good and increadibly difficult.

And I mean between her ears not mine.

[headsplice]

Let's not talk about sex in a sex thread?
Oy! Stop not sharing what you're smoking!
My love life is in an odd place. My g/f just moved down here (as did I). But, we didn't live in the same city before hand. So, we went from not seeing each other but once a month to seeing each other every day, with very little outside social contact. When she first moved down (about six weeks ago) everything was very hot and heavy. Then, the little things started to get in the way. I'm a fairly physically intimate person. I like holding hands and kissing. Sometimes in public, most often not. But recently, everything has gotten strange. I'm not sure if the strangeness comes from us trying to figure out each other's quirks or if there is something deeper troubling us. However, I have noticed a distinct lack of initimacy and not just in the bedroom. She came home from three days away (not long, I realize) and the first time she saw me, I got a peck on the lips for a kiss. There were other people around (in another room) and I wasn't really expecting a full game of tonsil-hockey right then and there, but when I went in for a little more than a peck, she pulled away. She pulled away even more when I realized that she might be uncomfortable with a more passionate kiss and tried to give her a bigger hug.
I'm mature enough to realize that physical initmacy and emotional intimacy are closely related. However, as a question to the ladies, does that include non-sexual intimacy (kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc...) as well? Frankly, it's a little disturbing that when things get a little less that perfect, she doesn't want to be near me.

[lookout123]

Size DOES NOT MATTER

ok Yoda.

Sex, huh? i'm not really proud of my past in that department, but i wouldn't really change anything either. i don't know if that makes sense or not.

while i was in college (post military) i was bartending in a high end microbrewery where all the rich north chicago kids hung out. not that i was innocent before that, but i was coming out of a frustrating 3 year marriage and my confidence was pretty shaken. one of the hot sorority girls picked me up and we had a great week. this was one of the stops on my trip to realizing that women sportf*ck, too. the pattern repeated itself a few times and then i realized that not only do they sporf*ck, they give referrals. apparently i had the look and the general attitude of a "bad boy" that their mothers wouldn't approve of, but i treated them very well... with that combination i was passed around the sorority house (not that i minded). then the next sorority house...

after about 2 months of that life i took a step back to evaluate and decided that i was ok living like that as long as i wasn't looking for a relationship and was always honest about it. i was a serial dater, and everyone knew it.

i had a couple of steady relationships - nothing close to g/f status - just ladies that i actually could "date" not just go home with. they knew what i was up to, and apparently it met their needs at the time. it was not uncommon, to wake up with one of the "steadies", have lunch with another, and go home with the sorority girl of the week after i closed down the bar.

the sorority girls taught me a lot, things like - A) 3 somes are not that uncommon, nor are they especially satisfying, B) college girls really do explore their Bi urges pretty frequently, C) there is absolutely no reason to feel awkward when having dinner with your date, knowing that you had hooked up with her roommate the week before.

Another very important lesson i learned a couple of times over when i did attempt to develop more of a serious relationship with a couple of people at different times - women in their early 20's really do like to be treated poorly. i was fun for them, because i fulfilled their badboy craving. i came up lacking because i held the door, paid the bill, didn't hit, kick, holler, spit, lie - or otherwise treat them poorly. i never presented myself as a badboy, it just so happens that i was a very nice guy who was a bartender, in a hardcore band, had tattoos, earrings, shaved head, facial hair... all the things mommy wouldn't approve of. when they realized i was just as comfortable with black tie dinners as i was tieing them to the bed while their roommate watched... i was history. that lesson still pisses me off.

i'm not ashamed or embarrassed of my past, but i am embarrassed to say that i don't know a definite number of how many people i was with, and i certainly don't remember all the names. in fact, i was in a social setting with someone that i had forgotten that i had hooked up with. that was awkward, after i was reminded.

anyway, because this is supposed to be a sex thread, not a bare your soul thread, disregard the above and know that i was apparently popular due to my heartfelt passion for being the best cunning linguist possible, my penchant for 4-5 hour sessions, and my unquenchable desire for "one more".

and because syc mentioned it. i have been tested. frequently. i am very very lucky that i made it out of that time in my life with nothing but memories to show for it.

[lookout123]

oh and the wife and i have been together for > 6 years, so things have changed. like they say, when we first met all we needed was a place (and we were creative for that), now we need a reason and a private place.

as far as preferences go, i am insane for oral. and i enjoy toys (not so much on me, but for my partner). i don't get into role playing or anything, it just never worked for me. the best thing after a night of very intimate lovemaking is to wake up early and roll over for one more round of really vigorous animal-like sex. really gets the day going.

[hot_pastrami]

I should mention that I have experienced the opposite extreme as well... one woman I was in a relationship with wanted sex ALL THE TIME. Day and night. We'd do it four or five times in one night, and a couple of times during the day. Exhausting, but fun. I had no self-confidence problems during those months,I can tell ya that much.

[kerosene]

Woah, you guys really ran with this one. I am enjoying reading all these posts. I think I will go grab my man for a quickie, now!

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by sycamore

I've never been one to sleep around,

well, there's a shocker.

[elSicomoro]

How so?