The Poly Path So Far - Page 2

yesman065 · 07-22-2007, 09:40 PM

All I can say again is that you are a better man than I. I can only hope this journey you have embarked on treats you well. It is the journey after all and not the destination that is important. Personally, I know that I could not handle it, but that is me. Stepping outside of my own boundaries to offer something, if anything, is difficult. I sat here for over 1/2 an hour reading and rereading - - - nothing seems fitting. Alas, I offer this view - quality versus quantity.

limey · 07-23-2007, 01:12 PM

The numbers thang (You've a-had more-n me an' I don' like it!) does seem a ... well ... a rather unexpectedly macho response from you, Els. Don't take that the wrong way, I mean that you seem more balanced than most guys ...
Yours is not a path I could follow - but I wish you the strength to travel onwards on your journey.
And I think you've put this in the wrong section - it's not at all a Nothingland thread ...

Elspode · 07-23-2007, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

I have vacation from work in the third week of september, and I had planned to go to the KC renn faire. Maybe I will stop by and pay you a visit!

Good luck in everything though... it is hard sometimes.

Make it an overnight trip...we've got a spare futon for ya. About half the people I know are going to be in that RenFaire in some capacity, including one of my current paramours.

Elspode · 07-23-2007, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by limey

The numbers thang (You've a-had more-n me an' I don' like it!) does seem a ... well ... a rather unexpectedly macho response from you, Els. Don't take that the wrong way, I mean that you seem more balanced than most guys ...
Yours is not a path I could follow - but I wish you the strength to travel onwards on your journey.
And I think you've put this in the wrong section - it's not at all a Nothingland thread ...

Hey, I'm chagrined and embarassed by these feelings, believe me. No one knows better than I how childish and ridiculous they are for someone who has willingly chosen this path. But I figure that, if the feelings are there, denying that they exist is almost certainly worse than trying to get them out. I think of them as vampirical little bastards...they'll die if I can shine the light of day on them.

I put this in Nothingland because I was feeling stupid and insignificant when I wrote it, and stupid and insignificant are the two chief qualifiers for subject matter in this forum.

limey · 07-24-2007, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode

Hey, I'm chagrined and embarassed by these feelings, believe me. No one knows better than I how childish and ridiculous they are for someone who has willingly chosen this path. But I figure that, if the feelings are there, denying that they exist is almost certainly worse than trying to get them out. I think of them as vampirical little bastards...they'll die if I can shine the light of day on them.

I put this in Nothingland because I was feeling stupid and insignificant when I wrote it, and stupid and insignificant are the two chief qualifiers for subject matter in this forum.

Elspode · 03-21-2008, 01:11 AM

Wow...its been quite some time since I updated this one.

I always feel as though I'm going to be perceived as boastful, or flamboyant, or indiscreet, or just plain weird - when I talk about this lifestyle of ours. But, as I truly believe that those of you here in The Cellar are, in a sense, my extended family, I feel compelled to share. The faint of heart amongst you should move on to the IOTD at this point.

When last I expounded on where things were at, I was a man whore (apparently), and not exactly a prime example of polyfamily. That's pretty much true, if indeed that is how any of you perceived things.

According to the posting dates, it was July of last year when last I felt compelled to expound on my lifestyle. Trust me when I say that it is probably better that I spared one and all from the details 'twixt now and then. I might not have been terribly objective. So...here's the Now, okay?

I just sent my wife to bed downstairs with her girlfriend, after a long talk about why said girlfriend shouldn't fear that my wife might become interested in someone else besides her or me. K, the girlfriend, is 27, a lifelong lesbian with a couple of heterosexual experiences under her belt, and toting a major intended investment with Selene as a long term partner in her emotional plans. Selene reciprocates this involvement, to the extent that they plan to be handfasted in August, wth K possibly moving in with us sometime before the year is out, prior to her intended entry into chiropractic college. Suffice to say that they are entirely taken with each other, with all the subtext and sexuality that is implicit therein. I have only recently come to grips with the notion that their longing and loving looks at each other are more cute and proper than they are threatening and unsettling. I am evolving.

Selene is as surprised by the notion that she has become seriously involved with a female (as opposed to a male, despite the fact that she has been a lifelong bisexual). Somehow, nothing that my wife does surprises me. I chalk that up to my being highly flexible, and the fact that I am always hoping that she can be happy somehow, even without my direct intervention or responsibility thereof. And, as luck would have it... happy, she is. Tomorrow, Selene is taking K down to meet her parents at the rural Missouri lake where they live. It should go without saying that, since her folks are fundy Baptists, the true nature of their relationship will be unelaborated. Nevertheless, for Selene, it is very similar to the first time I met her family, when I was ostensibly a friend of her immediate family, which was, at that time, her husband, her, and their kids...despite the fact that Selene, husband and myself, were all Poly.

"So Els", you ask. "What about *your* experiences?" Thanks for asking! I have been seeing a woman who I have known for about ten years, a lass I first met when a group of Pagans got together for socialization and dinner in the early days of my and Selene's becoming active in the Pagan community here in KC. We've always been friends, but it became more than that back last October, after a long series of halting flirtations, titillations, and conversations. "L" is my correspondent, and she is working her way out of a 9 year marriage (a marriage which Selene and I sanctified in a handfasting ceremony at Yule of '98) to a man who can only be described as a two year old, tantrum-prone child in a 48 year old body; an emotionally, spiritually and egregiously abusive fellow who seems to live to criticize and run down the intellect and actions of his Master's-degree level Montessori teacher soon to be ex-wife.

L is an artist, skilled in batik and sculpture, a gentle, timid faery soul, 4' 10" in stature, slight of build, and giant of heart. In the past two months, she announced her intention to leave her twit of a husband, got him to sign a waiver of mutual property rights, and bought a house...two blocks North of our place. She and I spent three weeks looking at suitable domiciles, many of which weren't quite so nearby. In the end, she paid $75k for a place that originally listed for $112.5k, and got a new roof thrown in for good measure.

Partly, she ended up as my very near neighbor because she was able to buy a really nice little place for about 65% of its market value, because it was a foreclosure. Partly, it was because she wanted to be near me, and near *us*, Selene and I, as part of her spiritual Family, a role we've played for nearly a decade. Partly, it was because, for the first time in her life, there were no kids to raise, no emotional debts to serve...no reason to *not* strike out and make her own way, as her own person, for her own reasons. Our arrangement is entirely sensible - I make no demands upon her, nor she upon me. She does what she wishes, when she wishes, as do I. There are no promises of exclusivity, no jealousies, no self-made pitfalls between us. As a result, the time we spend together is wonderful, earnest, true...and hot.

So...tomorrow night, I will spend the night with L at her new home, while my wife takes her new potential Life Partner down to meet the folks, and spend a couple of days checking in with her elderly Aunt who is a few months from meeting her maker. Sunday, we all come together in celebration as a Family Coven, and hold a public ritual to rejoice in the arrival of Oestara, the Vernal Equinox...the coming of Spring.

In our lives, all of us, there are elements of joy and pain, terror and anticipation, lust and love, tears and smiles. Is there a better summation of the reasons for being alive, for being a part of the lives of others? If so, I don't know what it is.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-21-2008, 01:28 AM

Hmmm.... bacon?

Sundae · 03-21-2008, 09:09 AM

Wow Els. You never cease to amaze me.
Just reading your post I felt my stomach dropping like a broken elevator - I was hurting on your behalf when in fact you are showing the best example of love and maturity and generosity of nature I have ever witnessed.

I'm too insecure to ever contemplate polygamy, which is a shame because it seems so much more honest than serial monogamy. But I admire you enormously for the way you live it and the fact you give us an insight into it.

Thanks.

Elspode · 03-21-2008, 05:09 PM

Trust me, the ingrained notions of love and relationships that we all have do *not* prepare one for this lifestyle. Even as I am waxing poetic about the positives of Poly, I am still stricken by pangs of pain, fears of abandonment, little bits of dissatisfaction over a lack of time with Selene while she spends every possible free moment with K. But, when I reflect, I realize that those are almost always times that *I* have something else going on, or there is a class that she would be teaching or attending anyway, so I'm not *really* losing time I would have otherwise had.

I do seem to absorb, process and adapt rather quickly, though. As we three (S, K and myself) were sitting talking last night, I felt profoundly comfortable, in place, a part of a larger whole. I felt a sense of functional rightness with it all. I slept alone in our marital bed last night, but when I woke, Selene was right there to hug me and kiss me and tell me she'd miss me (nice rhyme, eh?) while they were out of town overnight. It was...well, *right*. It was the exact exchange of thoughts, love and energy that I needed, all tied up in a five minute slice of time.

Truly, the only way for this to work is to release the fears, and that is *so* very hard to accomplish. I do not have an especially high self image, but I do think I am confident and thoughtful. Usually, those attributes work pretty well in wading through this always interesting lifestyle of ours. Selene has her own fears, and we find ourselves constantly juggling our fears, our hopes, our reinforcements of love for each other while we expand our world and share of ourselves with our respective partners outside of our relationship.

I do *not* recommend this lifestyle to you, SG. I don't really recommend it to anyone, in fact. But, for a certain kind of person, or couple, it beats abject misery and eventual divorce by a large margin.

I am, however, in no way amazing, and never shall be. I'm just this guy, you know? The Zaphod Beeblebrox of my neighborhood, perhaps, but just a guy.

Bruce: Bacon? You could fry a slab on L's belly...and I intend to.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-21-2008, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Is there a better summation of the reasons for being alive, for being a part of the lives of others? If so, I don't know what it is.

Bacon is the perfect reason for being alive. A side of L just makes it better.

TheMercenary · 03-22-2008, 09:23 PM

More power to ya Elspode. I could deal more with an open marriage from a prurely sex notion then I could a real love exchange. I respect your choices. It is interesting to read your views through this time in your life. Thanks for sharing.

Iggy · 03-22-2008, 10:25 PM

That is awesome Elspode. It is great that you have found someone too... I know it makes it easier for me to deal with my significant other being with another person when I have someone else too. And you express things so eloquently. I salute you.

skysidhe · 03-24-2008, 06:15 PM

07-23-2007, 01:12 PM	#17
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	The numbers thang (You've a-had more-n me an' I don' like it!) does seem a ... well ... a rather unexpectedly macho response from you, Els. Don't take that the wrong way, I mean that you seem more balanced than most guys ... Yours is not a path I could follow - but I wish you the strength to travel onwards on your journey. And I think you've put this in the wrong section - it's not at all a Nothingland thread ... __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

03-21-2008, 01:11 AM	#21
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Wow...its been quite some time since I updated this one. I always feel as though I'm going to be perceived as boastful, or flamboyant, or indiscreet, or just plain weird - when I talk about this lifestyle of ours. But, as I truly believe that those of you here in The Cellar are, in a sense, my extended family, I feel compelled to share. The faint of heart amongst you should move on to the IOTD at this point. When last I expounded on where things were at, I was a man whore (apparently), and not exactly a prime example of polyfamily. That's pretty much true, if indeed that is how any of you perceived things. According to the posting dates, it was July of last year when last I felt compelled to expound on my lifestyle. Trust me when I say that it is probably better that I spared one and all from the details 'twixt now and then. I might not have been terribly objective. So...here's the Now, okay? I just sent my wife to bed downstairs with her girlfriend, after a long talk about why said girlfriend shouldn't fear that my wife might become interested in someone else besides her or me. K, the girlfriend, is 27, a lifelong lesbian with a couple of heterosexual experiences under her belt, and toting a major intended investment with Selene as a long term partner in her emotional plans. Selene reciprocates this involvement, to the extent that they plan to be handfasted in August, wth K possibly moving in with us sometime before the year is out, prior to her intended entry into chiropractic college. Suffice to say that they are entirely taken with each other, with all the subtext and sexuality that is implicit therein. I have only recently come to grips with the notion that their longing and loving looks at each other are more cute and proper than they are threatening and unsettling. I am evolving. Selene is as surprised by the notion that she has become seriously involved with a female (as opposed to a male, despite the fact that she has been a lifelong bisexual). Somehow, nothing that my wife does surprises me. I chalk that up to my being highly flexible, and the fact that I am always hoping that she can be happy somehow, even without my direct intervention or responsibility thereof. And, as luck would have it... happy, she is. Tomorrow, Selene is taking K down to meet her parents at the rural Missouri lake where they live. It should go without saying that, since her folks are fundy Baptists, the true nature of their relationship will be unelaborated. Nevertheless, for Selene, it is very similar to the first time I met her family, when I was ostensibly a friend of her immediate family, which was, at that time, her husband, her, and their kids...despite the fact that Selene, husband and myself, were all Poly. "So Els", you ask. "What about your experiences?" Thanks for asking! I have been seeing a woman who I have known for about ten years, a lass I first met when a group of Pagans got together for socialization and dinner in the early days of my and Selene's becoming active in the Pagan community here in KC. We've always been friends, but it became more than that back last October, after a long series of halting flirtations, titillations, and conversations. "L" is my correspondent, and she is working her way out of a 9 year marriage (a marriage which Selene and I sanctified in a handfasting ceremony at Yule of '98) to a man who can only be described as a two year old, tantrum-prone child in a 48 year old body; an emotionally, spiritually and egregiously abusive fellow who seems to live to criticize and run down the intellect and actions of his Master's-degree level Montessori teacher soon to be ex-wife. L is an artist, skilled in batik and sculpture, a gentle, timid faery soul, 4' 10" in stature, slight of build, and giant of heart. In the past two months, she announced her intention to leave her twit of a husband, got him to sign a waiver of mutual property rights, and bought a house...two blocks North of our place. She and I spent three weeks looking at suitable domiciles, many of which weren't quite so nearby. In the end, she paid $75k for a place that originally listed for $112.5k, and got a new roof thrown in for good measure. Partly, she ended up as my very near neighbor because she was able to buy a really nice little place for about 65% of its market value, because it was a foreclosure. Partly, it was because she wanted to be near me, and near us, Selene and I, as part of her spiritual Family, a role we've played for nearly a decade. Partly, it was because, for the first time in her life, there were no kids to raise, no emotional debts to serve...no reason to not strike out and make her own way, as her own person, for her own reasons. Our arrangement is entirely sensible - I make no demands upon her, nor she upon me. She does what she wishes, when she wishes, as do I. There are no promises of exclusivity, no jealousies, no self-made pitfalls between us. As a result, the time we spend together is wonderful, earnest, true...and hot. So...tomorrow night, I will spend the night with L at her new home, while my wife takes her new potential Life Partner down to meet the folks, and spend a couple of days checking in with her elderly Aunt who is a few months from meeting her maker. Sunday, we all come together in celebration as a Family Coven, and hold a public ritual to rejoice in the arrival of Oestara, the Vernal Equinox...the coming of Spring. In our lives, all of us, there are elements of joy and pain, terror and anticipation, lust and love, tears and smiles. Is there a better summation of the reasons for being alive, for being a part of the lives of others? If so, I don't know what it is. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-21-2008, 01:28 AM	#22
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Hmmm.... bacon? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-21-2008, 05:09 PM	#24
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Trust me, the ingrained notions of love and relationships that we all have do not prepare one for this lifestyle. Even as I am waxing poetic about the positives of Poly, I am still stricken by pangs of pain, fears of abandonment, little bits of dissatisfaction over a lack of time with Selene while she spends every possible free moment with K. But, when I reflect, I realize that those are almost always times that I have something else going on, or there is a class that she would be teaching or attending anyway, so I'm not really losing time I would have otherwise had. I do seem to absorb, process and adapt rather quickly, though. As we three (S, K and myself) were sitting talking last night, I felt profoundly comfortable, in place, a part of a larger whole. I felt a sense of functional rightness with it all. I slept alone in our marital bed last night, but when I woke, Selene was right there to hug me and kiss me and tell me she'd miss me (nice rhyme, eh?) while they were out of town overnight. It was...well, right. It was the exact exchange of thoughts, love and energy that I needed, all tied up in a five minute slice of time. Truly, the only way for this to work is to release the fears, and that is so very hard to accomplish. I do not have an especially high self image, but I do think I am confident and thoughtful. Usually, those attributes work pretty well in wading through this always interesting lifestyle of ours. Selene has her own fears, and we find ourselves constantly juggling our fears, our hopes, our reinforcements of love for each other while we expand our world and share of ourselves with our respective partners outside of our relationship. I do not recommend this lifestyle to you, SG. I don't really recommend it to anyone, in fact. But, for a certain kind of person, or couple, it beats abject misery and eventual divorce by a large margin. I am, however, in no way amazing, and never shall be. I'm just this guy, you know? The Zaphod Beeblebrox of my neighborhood, perhaps, but just a guy. Bruce: Bacon? You could fry a slab on L's belly...and I intend to. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-22-2008, 09:23 PM	#26
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	More power to ya Elspode. I could deal more with an open marriage from a prurely sex notion then I could a real love exchange. I respect your choices. It is interesting to read your views through this time in your life. Thanks for sharing. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

07-22-2007, 09:40 PM	#16
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	All I can say again is that you are a better man than I. I can only hope this journey you have embarked on treats you well. It is the journey after all and not the destination that is important. Personally, I know that I could not handle it, but that is me. Stepping outside of my own boundaries to offer something, if anything, is difficult. I sat here for over 1/2 an hour reading and rereading - - - nothing seems fitting. Alas, I offer this view - quality versus quantity.

03-21-2008, 09:09 AM	#23
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Wow Els. You never cease to amaze me. Just reading your post I felt my stomach dropping like a broken elevator - I was hurting on your behalf when in fact you are showing the best example of love and maturity and generosity of nature I have ever witnessed. I'm too insecure to ever contemplate polygamy, which is a shame because it seems so much more honest than serial monogamy. But I admire you enormously for the way you live it and the fact you give us an insight into it. Thanks.

03-22-2008, 10:25 PM	#27
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	That is awesome Elspode. It is great that you have found someone too... I know it makes it easier for me to deal with my significant other being with another person when I have someone else too. And you express things so eloquently. I salute you. __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

03-24-2008, 06:15 PM	#28
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828

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