Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 210

Nirvana · 12-22-2009, 09:07 AM

*

Yznhymr · 12-31-2009, 10:02 AM

A doctor dies and goes to hell where the devil greets him and tells him that since he was a doctor, and did some good, that he could choose his eternity.

The devil opens the first door. There are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons.

“Oh my God, I don’t want that,” the doctor replies.

The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts.

“That one is even worse!” says the doctor, getting more nervous.

The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses.

“Sign me up for that eternity!” the doctor states.

The devil then slams that door and says, “You can’t go there, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

The doctor asks, “Why can’t I go there?”

The devil replies, “Well . . . that’s nurse hell.”

Shawnee123 · 12-31-2009, 10:17 AM

I am so pissed off. I bought Tiger's book, entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it was about golf.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-31-2009, 10:20 AM

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.
“It’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age,” the neighbor said.
“Sexuality my ass!” The mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got off cheap this year, got my kid a piece of cardboard for Christmas.
Why he wanted an “ex-box”, I’ll never know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"9-11."
"9-11 who?"
"You said you’d never forget!"

squirell nutkin · 12-31-2009, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

lol@Pie ! But truthfully who would say no to $330 million?

OK, we've established what you are; now let's haggle over price.:p

TheMercenary · 01-01-2010, 08:03 AM

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCH UNIT...
(or what i call the star chamber)

1. Schizophrenia -- Do I Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and....

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming To Town To Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, and I Don't Know Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent Night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.....

Shawnee123 · 01-02-2010, 09:13 AM

Stumbled upon:

Nirvana · 01-02-2010, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirell nutkin

OK, we've established what you are; now let's haggle over price.:p

You can call me whatever you want for $330 million no haggling necessary

squirell nutkin · 01-04-2010, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

You can call me whatever you want for $330 million no haggling necessary

Will you take a check?

Nirvana · 01-05-2010, 12:48 PM

A man took his dog to the vet and told him the dog had a piece of lettuce sticking out of his butt. He asked, "Is this serious, doc?" The vet examined the dog and said, " I`m afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg."

dar512 · 01-05-2010, 01:59 PM

Our first dog took a liking to kleenex. More than once I had to pull a wad of kleenex out of her hinder because it wouldn't pass. That was not my favorite chore.

Nirvana · 01-05-2010, 02:02 PM

Hinder? OMG Dar you are so German!

dar512 · 01-05-2010, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

Hinder? OMG Dar you are so German!

Is that word indicative? It's true, though. My Mom was 100% German background.

Nirvana · 01-05-2010, 02:16 PM

I was made in Frankfort

Never heard other kids parents use that word but mine. LOL!

dar512 · 01-05-2010, 02:29 PM

My Mom's grandparents came over from the Alsace-Lorraine area in the 1850s.

12-22-2009, 09:07 AM	#3136
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Tiger N Santa * Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

12-31-2009, 10:02 AM	#3137
Yznhymr the crowd goes wild! Join Date: May 2007 Location: USA Posts: 663	A doctor dies and goes to hell where the devil greets him and tells him that since he was a doctor, and did some good, that he could choose his eternity. The devil opens the first door. There are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons. “Oh my God, I don’t want that,” the doctor replies. The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts. “That one is even worse!” says the doctor, getting more nervous. The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses. “Sign me up for that eternity!” the doctor states. The devil then slams that door and says, “You can’t go there, you weren’t supposed to see that.” The doctor asks, “Why can’t I go there?” The devil replies, “Well . . . that’s nurse hell.” __________________ "The pride system tends to intensify the self-hate against which it is supposed to be a defense, since any failure to live up to one's tyrannical shoulds or of the world to honor one's claims leads to feelings of worthlessness." Bernard J. Paris, Ph.D.

12-31-2009, 10:17 AM	#3138
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I am so pissed off. I bought Tiger's book, entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it was about golf. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

12-31-2009, 10:20 AM	#3139
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. “It’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age,” the neighbor said. “Sexuality my ass!” The mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I got off cheap this year, got my kid a piece of cardboard for Christmas. Why he wanted an “ex-box”, I’ll never know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "9-11." "9-11 who?" "You said you’d never forget!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 12-31-2009 at 10:29 AM.

01-01-2010, 08:03 AM	#3141
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCH UNIT... (or what i call the star chamber) 1. Schizophrenia -- Do I Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are 3. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas 4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.... 6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming To Town To Get Me 7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire 8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, and I Don't Know Why 9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent Night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away? 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..... __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

01-02-2010, 09:13 AM	#3142
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Stumbled upon: Attached Images __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

01-05-2010, 12:48 PM	#3145
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	A man took his dog to the vet and told him the dog had a piece of lettuce sticking out of his butt. He asked, "Is this serious, doc?" The vet examined the dog and said, " I`m afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg." __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

01-05-2010, 01:59 PM	#3146
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	Our first dog took a liking to kleenex. More than once I had to pull a wad of kleenex out of her hinder because it wouldn't pass. That was not my favorite chore. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

01-05-2010, 02:02 PM	#3147
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Hinder? OMG Dar you are so German! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

01-05-2010, 02:16 PM	#3149
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	I was made in Frankfort Never heard other kids parents use that word but mine. LOL! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

01-05-2010, 02:29 PM	#3150
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	My Mom's grandparents came over from the Alsace-Lorraine area in the 1850s. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

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