younger woman with older man - Page 3

Undertoad · 12-19-2005, 09:58 AM

She writes it off as OK because older guy just wants a fling, not a possible serious love/marriage arrangement. She has more in common with your oldest child than with you. She can't possibly imagine being married to someone with kids in high school when she has spent half of her post-adolescent life in high school. She figures that since you're older and wiser you kind of understand all this stuff and there's no need to spell it out, even if you say meaningful relationship-things. She is not old enough not to know when to not play games.

Elspode · 12-19-2005, 01:13 PM

This going to sound pretty crude, but those here who know me know that sometimes, that's just how I am: Tap it while it is there, grow old and remember the experience fondly. When you're up to it, find a woman who appreciates you and has a bit more substance to her.

I cohabitated with a 23 year old when I was 39. Not as big a difference, but big enough. She was hot, I was lonely, it lasted as long as it lasted. While I would have enjoyed a deeper relationship, there was no way. Actually, as of this writing ten years later, she's *still* not in a committed relationship, and I don't think she will be for some time to come.

I think we old farts lust after young women on two fundamental levels. First, the obvious...they're nice and taut, things stick up instead of hang down, stretch marks are few and far between, they're lively and fun to show off to our friends. This is the visceral level, and those young tarts can really drain off some of the hormonal stuff in fine style. However, that lasts about as long as the next hormonal draining session, and after several of those, you start looking for that second level, the level of "Something More"...and it just isn't there.

I'm sure there are rare exceptions in this; there are certainly youthful women of great substance and depth, but I'm pretty sure they marry much wealthier men than us.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-19-2005, 08:05 PM

You covered it pretty well, Els. I'd add that sometimes the younger ones have less baggage........sometimes.
The ones with an ex and kids, even if they're grown and gone, have the most baggage.

BigV · 12-19-2005, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

You covered it pretty well, Els. I'd add that sometimes the younger ones have less baggage........sometimes.
The ones with an ex and kids, even if they're grown and gone, have the most baggage.
__________________
The one that loves the least....controls the other.

I am *such* a tool.

Quote:

Artist: Bill Withers Lyrics
Song: Use Me Lyrics
My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
Ha, ha, but my answer, ha, ha
Yeah, to all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

My brother, sit me right down
And he talked to me, ah-ha
He told me, ah-ha
That I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I-I-I said brother, if you only knew
You'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

Oh sometimes, it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people
And then you act real rude to me
But oh baby, baby, baby, baby
When you love me I can't get enough
I-I and I, wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

Talking about you using me
But it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
'Cause I sure am using you
To do the things you do
Ah-ha, to do the things you do

Ohh, yeah...

yesman065 · 12-20-2005, 03:37 AM

Well it's over, I asked for her decision and got it. Of course it wasn't the one I wanted, but onward and upward, I guess. The best part was after I got my heart ripped out and handed to me, She followed with "I still love you, and if things don't work out with Him maybe ......" My response " Maybe what? Maybe I could hang around like your lapdog till he treats you like shit AGAIN. Then I can help pick up the pieces and love you until he sweet talks you into another chance??? Not likely! You led me along and I followed willingly. You wanted time - I gave it to you, knowing you were with him. You needed help, I gave it. Support, no problem. I did everything I could for you because I loved you. In return you rejected me. Remember, you said talk is cheap and actions are important. Well, your actions tonight showed me how much you really love me. Right?" And all this 5 days before Christmas. Merry Christmas to all. I hope its a festive time for all of you. I'm damn sure my Christmas will be extra special this year.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-20-2005, 04:16 AM

Sorry to hear that, man. I know how you feel....yes I do.
Ripping your heart out, dribbling it down the floor and slam dunking it into a Cuisinart, isn't fair....but it isn't fatal.
Don't let bitterness make it worse, because it only makes it worse for you, not her. Someday you'll look back on this experience and wish you'd choked the shit out of her..... but you'll be glad you didn't.

yesman065 · 12-20-2005, 09:11 AM

At least I was productive and got back to writing. On my 3rd day without sleep or eats this really sux. Well I guess that theres someone out there for me, but I still wish it was her right now. Oh well, nothing alotta tears and time won't heal - I hope.

Nicole

I love you more than I can say,
And with you my heart will stay,
You've touched me very deep inside,
In the place where my soul resides.

I cannot continue another day,
Without you to show me the way.
The life I thought that we would build,
Has been taken and left a hole to fill.

The dreams I had of a life with you,
Have all been crushed with no rescue,
You were my reason to carry on,
No place to go I've just withdrawn.

You are my love You are my life,
I'll try to fight through any strife,
Till you return I'll have no thrill,
For you I'll wait till time stands still.

I'll love you always, Onward,

Dave

LabRat · 12-20-2005, 10:47 AM

*Trying to look at the glass as half full*

At least for Christmas you got a glimpse of her true self, and gained insight that a lot of people currently in similar relationships have yet to. As much as it hurts now, how much more would it have hurt to find out who she really was later, when you had a lot more time and emotion into the relationship?
Until one learns the golden rule, no matter HOW old they are, they are unlikely to be a good partner. She did not treat you with the honesty that you deserved, and you rightfully told her to hit the road. The timing sucks, but at least you can buy your new, enlightened self a present instead of her.

You deserve it. *

*Even if you dated someone you work with. Will people never learn?

Elspode · 12-20-2005, 10:59 AM

Dave...sorry you got your guts handed to you by someone who hasn't had it happen to them enough to know that it hurts a lot. You seem like a pretty sensitive guy. There's a market for that, you know. Get out there, man. Somewhere in (your city name here) there's woman of style, taste and substance who is contemplating Christmas alone after being dumped by yet another toyboy. Find her. She'll probably be sitting in a corner booth all by herself with a big bottle of some moderately priced white wine, maybe with a couple of her married girlfriends who keep checking their watches because they were supposed to be finishing up the Christmas shopping, but are too worried about their friend to leave her alone. They'll appreciate the chance to bug out.

Chat this woman up, give her a taste of what matters, and wind up sweaty on the floor in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve. Later, you can stick bows on her naughty bits and laugh together.

Go forth and find thee a mature woman!

mrnoodle · 12-20-2005, 02:53 PM

I'm afraid we spend too much time searching for this "soul mate" person, and as soon as someone comes along who matches a couple of the arbitrary guidelines we've set, we decide "That's the one" and fill in the blanks in our own mind.

Loneliness and hormones can create all kinds of interesting garbage in your brain, from the OMGwehavethisCONNECTIONthatIcan'texplain thing to some variation on "when he/she isn't drinking and cussing me out, he/she is really a good person".

Watch how they treat others -- this is how they will treat you when the new wears off. Don't let them suck you into their personal drama with their old flames. If they haven't decided how they feel about their ex, you're on borrowed time.

There's a stupid old country song that goes, "If it don't come easy, you better let it go." Truer words were never spoken.

edit: However, it's refreshing to see the number of you young 18-25 year olds who fall for the charms of old bastards. Gimme a call

yesman065 · 12-21-2005, 07:05 AM

The saga continues: After getting my heart handed to me I COMPLETELY freaked out. She comes to me yesterday and says that she "thinks she made the wrong decision" Well I gotta say that I am a very emotional person who built a wall around my feelings because I just cannot handle the extremes of my emotions. I let everything go with her to try and see what "complete honesty" would be like. Also I have been with like 5 women in my life and married my High School Sweetheart, so I am extremely inexperienced in these situations. Anyway, last night we went to talk and ended up in bed (I know, you're all shocked) It was great, as usual, but now I feel like I want her to try to work things out with this other guy and see what happens. If it does then I never had her anyway, and if it doesn't maybe we can try again later. I gotta say that even after everything she did, my heart, not my ____, still yearns for her, yet I feel sorta empty this am. OK, deep breath, lemme have it.

Trilby · 12-21-2005, 07:45 AM

I don't have to know this "woman" (and I use that term lightly. She's really more of an Orc Girl) any more than what you've described to diagnose her with Emotional Fuckwittage. She's a Fuckwit and she is messing with your head and heart and that is NOT VERY GOOD OF HER. I also think she is high on the drama and feeling the awesome power of her twenty-something sexuality. She's immature, cruel, selfish and just not that interesting, to be brutal and blunt. I KNEW she'd do this to you. It's alllll about her and not about YOU or even the other guy. It's all about the game and the only player who matters is her. Chuck her. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate you for who you are. She needs to grow the hell up.

yesman065 · 12-21-2005, 08:58 AM

Ouch! I'm afraid brutal and blunt is what I need. Don't like it, but it is helping my logic override my emotional desires. Gotta admit it though, I'm still looking for that slim ray of hope...... Always the optimist

LabRat · 12-21-2005, 10:54 AM

Yep, gotta go with Bri on this one. She is enjoying the power of knowing 2 men want her, without any regard to their actual feelings that she is tromping all over. Has she told the other guy she's sleeping with you? Doubt it.

She likely wouldn't be sleeping with you unless there were some feelings there, but why hurt yourself? Instead of pining away for her while she's in someone else's bed, why not get out there and meet someone else worth your time? Oh, and don't even think you can be 'friends' with her after all of this...sheesh. 10 to 1 she decides that that is what she wants. She may not be a bad person, but she IS bad for you.

mrnoodle · 12-21-2005, 11:12 AM

yesman, I'm sending you an entire pallet of Ball-Gro. Don't move a muscle until it arrives.

Been in your shoes, too. How do you think the other guy feels when she's banging you at your house? He's probably blubbering into a lace hanky, wondering what he can do to make her see that he LOVES her.

She's a demon, and regardless of how deeply she looks into your eyes, how "good" it is when you're together, you have GOT to pull your head out of your ass before she finishes wrecking you.

If you do it quick and ruthlessly, she'll respect you more than if you apologize and cry and spoon and all that other peabrained crap. Cuz now? She's got 0 respect for anyone. She's running back and forth between 2 guys, feigning indecision to squeeze the last drop of attention out of both of you. If you allow it, you need your head examined. DROP THE BITCH. Find a decent woman with her head screwed on straight.

It's not as hard as you are making it out to be -- you're enjoying the drama too, aren't you? C'mon, admit it. The big attraction here is the wide range of emotion you get to be dragged through. It's like heroin.

Cowboy the fuck up. You'll thank us all later.

12-19-2005, 01:13 PM	#32
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	This going to sound pretty crude, but those here who know me know that sometimes, that's just how I am: Tap it while it is there, grow old and remember the experience fondly. When you're up to it, find a woman who appreciates you and has a bit more substance to her. I cohabitated with a 23 year old when I was 39. Not as big a difference, but big enough. She was hot, I was lonely, it lasted as long as it lasted. While I would have enjoyed a deeper relationship, there was no way. Actually, as of this writing ten years later, she's still not in a committed relationship, and I don't think she will be for some time to come. I think we old farts lust after young women on two fundamental levels. First, the obvious...they're nice and taut, things stick up instead of hang down, stretch marks are few and far between, they're lively and fun to show off to our friends. This is the visceral level, and those young tarts can really drain off some of the hormonal stuff in fine style. However, that lasts about as long as the next hormonal draining session, and after several of those, you start looking for that second level, the level of "Something More"...and it just isn't there. I'm sure there are rare exceptions in this; there are certainly youthful women of great substance and depth, but I'm pretty sure they marry much wealthier men than us. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

12-19-2005, 08:05 PM	#33
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You covered it pretty well, Els. I'd add that sometimes the younger ones have less baggage........sometimes. The ones with an ex and kids, even if they're grown and gone, have the most baggage. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-20-2005, 04:16 AM	#36
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Sorry to hear that, man. I know how you feel....yes I do. Ripping your heart out, dribbling it down the floor and slam dunking it into a Cuisinart, isn't fair....but it isn't fatal. Don't let bitterness make it worse, because it only makes it worse for you, not her. Someday you'll look back on this experience and wish you'd choked the shit out of her..... but you'll be glad you didn't. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-20-2005, 10:47 AM	#38
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	Trying to look at the glass as half full At least for Christmas you got a glimpse of her true self, and gained insight that a lot of people currently in similar relationships have yet to. As much as it hurts now, how much more would it have hurt to find out who she really was later, when you had a lot more time and emotion into the relationship? Until one learns the golden rule, no matter HOW old they are, they are unlikely to be a good partner. She did not treat you with the honesty that you deserved, and you rightfully told her to hit the road. The timing sucks, but at least you can buy your new, enlightened self a present instead of her. You deserve it. * Even if you dated someone you work with. Will people never* learn? __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within. Last edited by LabRat; 12-20-2005 at 11:00 AM. Reason: added something

12-20-2005, 10:59 AM	#39
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Dave...sorry you got your guts handed to you by someone who hasn't had it happen to them enough to know that it hurts a lot. You seem like a pretty sensitive guy. There's a market for that, you know. Get out there, man. Somewhere in (your city name here) there's woman of style, taste and substance who is contemplating Christmas alone after being dumped by yet another toyboy. Find her. She'll probably be sitting in a corner booth all by herself with a big bottle of some moderately priced white wine, maybe with a couple of her married girlfriends who keep checking their watches because they were supposed to be finishing up the Christmas shopping, but are too worried about their friend to leave her alone. They'll appreciate the chance to bug out. Chat this woman up, give her a taste of what matters, and wind up sweaty on the floor in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve. Later, you can stick bows on her naughty bits and laugh together. Go forth and find thee a mature woman! __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

12-19-2005, 09:58 AM	#31
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	She writes it off as OK because older guy just wants a fling, not a possible serious love/marriage arrangement. She has more in common with your oldest child than with you. She can't possibly imagine being married to someone with kids in high school when she has spent half of her post-adolescent life in high school. She figures that since you're older and wiser you kind of understand all this stuff and there's no need to spell it out, even if you say meaningful relationship-things. She is not old enough not to know when to not play games.

12-20-2005, 03:37 AM	#35
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Well it's over, I asked for her decision and got it. Of course it wasn't the one I wanted, but onward and upward, I guess. The best part was after I got my heart ripped out and handed to me, She followed with "I still love you, and if things don't work out with Him maybe ......" My response " Maybe what? Maybe I could hang around like your lapdog till he treats you like shit AGAIN. Then I can help pick up the pieces and love you until he sweet talks you into another chance??? Not likely! You led me along and I followed willingly. You wanted time - I gave it to you, knowing you were with him. You needed help, I gave it. Support, no problem. I did everything I could for you because I loved you. In return you rejected me. Remember, you said talk is cheap and actions are important. Well, your actions tonight showed me how much you really love me. Right?" And all this 5 days before Christmas. Merry Christmas to all. I hope its a festive time for all of you. I'm damn sure my Christmas will be extra special this year.

12-20-2005, 09:11 AM	#37
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	At least I was productive and got back to writing. On my 3rd day without sleep or eats this really sux. Well I guess that theres someone out there for me, but I still wish it was her right now. Oh well, nothing alotta tears and time won't heal - I hope. Nicole I love you more than I can say, And with you my heart will stay, You've touched me very deep inside, In the place where my soul resides. I cannot continue another day, Without you to show me the way. The life I thought that we would build, Has been taken and left a hole to fill. The dreams I had of a life with you, Have all been crushed with no rescue, You were my reason to carry on, No place to go I've just withdrawn. You are my love You are my life, I'll try to fight through any strife, Till you return I'll have no thrill, For you I'll wait till time stands still. I'll love you always, Onward, Dave

12-20-2005, 02:53 PM	#40
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	I'm afraid we spend too much time searching for this "soul mate" person, and as soon as someone comes along who matches a couple of the arbitrary guidelines we've set, we decide "That's the one" and fill in the blanks in our own mind. Loneliness and hormones can create all kinds of interesting garbage in your brain, from the OMGwehavethisCONNECTIONthatIcan'texplain thing to some variation on "when he/she isn't drinking and cussing me out, he/she is really a good person". Watch how they treat others -- this is how they will treat you when the new wears off. Don't let them suck you into their personal drama with their old flames. If they haven't decided how they feel about their ex, you're on borrowed time. There's a stupid old country song that goes, "If it don't come easy, you better let it go." Truer words were never spoken. edit: However, it's refreshing to see the number of you young 18-25 year olds who fall for the charms of old bastards. Gimme a call __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh Last edited by mrnoodle; 12-20-2005 at 02:56 PM.

12-21-2005, 07:05 AM	#41
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	The saga continues: After getting my heart handed to me I COMPLETELY freaked out. She comes to me yesterday and says that she "thinks she made the wrong decision" Well I gotta say that I am a very emotional person who built a wall around my feelings because I just cannot handle the extremes of my emotions. I let everything go with her to try and see what "complete honesty" would be like. Also I have been with like 5 women in my life and married my High School Sweetheart, so I am extremely inexperienced in these situations. Anyway, last night we went to talk and ended up in bed (I know, you're all shocked) It was great, as usual, but now I feel like I want her to try to work things out with this other guy and see what happens. If it does then I never had her anyway, and if it doesn't maybe we can try again later. I gotta say that even after everything she did, my heart, not my ____, still yearns for her, yet I feel sorta empty this am. OK, deep breath, lemme have it.

12-21-2005, 07:45 AM	#42
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I don't have to know this "woman" (and I use that term lightly. She's really more of an Orc Girl) any more than what you've described to diagnose her with Emotional Fuckwittage. She's a Fuckwit and she is messing with your head and heart and that is NOT VERY GOOD OF HER. I also think she is high on the drama and feeling the awesome power of her twenty-something sexuality. She's immature, cruel, selfish and just not that interesting, to be brutal and blunt. I KNEW she'd do this to you. It's alllll about her and not about YOU or even the other guy. It's all about the game and the only player who matters is her. Chuck her. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate you for who you are. She needs to grow the hell up. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

12-21-2005, 08:58 AM	#43
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Ouch! I'm afraid brutal and blunt is what I need. Don't like it, but it is helping my logic override my emotional desires. Gotta admit it though, I'm still looking for that slim ray of hope...... Always the optimist

12-21-2005, 10:54 AM	#44
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	Yep, gotta go with Bri on this one. She is enjoying the power of knowing 2 men want her, without any regard to their actual feelings that she is tromping all over. Has she told the other guy she's sleeping with you? Doubt it. She likely wouldn't be sleeping with you unless there were some feelings there, but why hurt yourself? Instead of pining away for her while she's in someone else's bed, why not get out there and meet someone else worth your time? Oh, and don't even think you can be 'friends' with her after all of this...sheesh. 10 to 1 she decides that that is what she wants. She may not be a bad person, but she IS bad for you. __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

12-21-2005, 11:12 AM	#45
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	yesman, I'm sending you an entire pallet of Ball-Gro. Don't move a muscle until it arrives. Been in your shoes, too. How do you think the other guy feels when she's banging you at your house? He's probably blubbering into a lace hanky, wondering what he can do to make her see that he LOVES her. She's a demon, and regardless of how deeply she looks into your eyes, how "good" it is when you're together, you have GOT to pull your head out of your ass before she finishes wrecking you. If you do it quick and ruthlessly, she'll respect you more than if you apologize and cry and spoon and all that other peabrained crap. Cuz now? She's got 0 respect for anyone. She's running back and forth between 2 guys, feigning indecision to squeeze the last drop of attention out of both of you. If you allow it, you need your head examined. DROP THE BITCH. Find a decent woman with her head screwed on straight. It's not as hard as you are making it out to be -- you're enjoying the drama too, aren't you? C'mon, admit it. The big attraction here is the wide range of emotion you get to be dragged through. It's like heroin. Cowboy the fuck up. You'll thank us all later. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

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