How stubborn we can be

[staceyv]

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[Perry Winkle]

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[Catwoman]

Stacey I really feel I need to comment on the waitress thing. Before I do, please listen to lookout and noodle, I think they've said it all.

I have a pretty successful job, and I get paid a pretty good salary for someone my age. The ad industry is incredibly competitive, and very 'cool'. Most people would say I'm really 'making it'.

Leaving aside the fact that I HATE this job, do you know what I do at the weekends? I waitress.

It's a smallish bar/cafe that is sometimes busy and sometimes quiet. You sometimes get wankers in there, and you sometimes get interesting, nice people. Sometimes I have an opportunity to talk to them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have to clean the toilets.

Now, I'm earning good money in my day job, why the fuck would I want to clean toilets at the weekend for £5 an hour?

I watch people. Even if I don't get to talk to them, I watch everything. Couples who hate each other, people making polite conversation, drunk old women, wise old men, different languages, people on their own reading newspapers, women doing their mating dance, men doing their mating shuffle. It's fascinating, you see so much of human nature in this one little bar, and I get paid for it too!

If you like watching people (and we all do) this is the perfect environment. Working in my little bar has taught me loads about other people, and myself. Try talking to someone about something real to you, ask them about love, about life. Ask what they can tell you, you'd be surprised, and even if you don't directly learn from what they say, watch how they say it, this will probably tell you more.

'Only' a waitress? I can't think of any other occupation (apart from maybe hairdressing) that allows you such open access to people and life. Make the most of it.

People can think you're a bit dim if you're a waitress. But you know what this means? They're happy to tell you things, think they can teach you, they're not worried about opening up to you. Take advantage of this and learn as much as you can. This is what I'm doing, not for money, for enjoyment.

Stop thinking you're a 'difficult' person. You're no different to anyone else - if anything you have a slight edge over the competition: you're open and honest, which is rare, believe me.

You also have the self-awareness to know you need someone to support you. Many women would never admit to this. Your choice is between safe and risk. Be safe in your miserable relationship, or risk your happiness by getting the fuck on with your own life, stop thinking about men, look around you and wonder at everything, with no ties to hold you back.

[staceyv]

I admire your outlook. I really, really do.
I guess you're more of a people person than I am.
Being around people just stresses me out.
When I'm working, I love to go in the bathroom where I am all alone, or outside in the dark alley where it's quiet and I'm by myself.
I love peace and quiet, and spending time alone, reading books, playing guitar, cooking, writing or hanging out with my dog.
I don't watch people, but I am very intuitive, and I can tell when people are in a bad mood, or if they're nervous or they think they're better than me, or if they are genuinely happy.
All of these vibes really wear me out and I crave alone time.
I think I am highly in tune with people's negative energy, because my mother was very moody and I had to learn as a child when to talk to her and when to leave her alone!

I have taken many personality tests, in books and online. I am an introvert.
As far as all these career quizzes go, they say I am good at working with my hands, animals, plants, nature and outdoors, and writing.
I don't have innate people skills, it's a constant struggle.
And I only like to be around people if I've spent a lot of time alone, and even then, only for a few hours.
Why am I rambling? I'm sorry.
I guess my point is, that I don't find enjoyment in being around people, unless it's my family, or I'm drinking. I like talking to people online or with emails, though. But if the Cellar had a telephone club, I wouldn't be in it!

And stability is one of my highest priorities. I hate risk.

The only thing making me truly unhappy in my life is my job, not my husband.

I think everyone bitches about thier husband, and no one's perfect.
He is good to me in many ways. It's too bad that his mother spoiled him.

We had a talk last night.
He says that when he was growing up, he had household chores that he never did.
I said "what did your mother do?"
He said "she nagged me"
I said "did you do them?
He said "no."
"did she do them for you?"
"yeah, sometimes"
Me: "well, I'm not your mother and I'm not doing them for you.'
him: "yeah, I know, I need to change."
And he took the dog out twice yesterday and this morning, and hung my towel up this morning.

I don't have a "miserable relationship". I have a young husband whow needs to grow up a little and learn a few things. But, he does learn from his mistakes.

I could cite a few examples of that, but this post is getting a little long.

Either way, the risk I need to take is to leave my job, not my husband.

It's amazing how differently people see the world!

I think you are lucky, cat. Your views and personality make it easy for you to be happy.

[Catwoman]

Very interesting post. I think we may be more similar than you think.

I am not remotely a 'people person'. In fact I can't stand the company of most people: the pettiness, stupidity, loudness. I would much rather be alone, doing whatever occurs to me at the time. Like you, I absorb beaucoup bad shit, and need time to recover.

If I spend extended periods of time with someone, they must be pretty special. Like you, perhaps, I can hang onto this, thinking 'there's no one else who understands me/gets it/I like spending time with.' Hanging on generally causes this person to leave through fright, or clouds the time you spend together because you're constantly awed/forgiving/scared of losing them.

When you watch people you don't have to talk to them, although this can be very rewarding. You don't have to 'be' anything to them, if you know what I mean. You can be a passive observer - and no one will expect anything else from you. Oh and I don't have 'innate people skills' either - you can tell by how much I tend to offend people or say things wrong here. I don't actually care though - I'm learning in the process.

Ignore the personality tests.

Originally Posted by staceyv

I think you are lucky, cat. Your views and personality make it easy for you to be happy.

Wow what a compliment, thanks. There's no secret or uniqueness in it though, anyone can do it. I don't have a special way of seeing the world, I try to only see what's there. How can that make anyone unhappy?

The only thing truly making you unhappy in your life is not your job, or your husband. It's the fact that you react to the world instead of just seeing it. You don't need that pressure of trying to work out what your role is on this planet - just watch what happens.

That probably didn't make sense. See, crap people skills.

[lookout123]

if you guys haven't thought this one through, you might want to: most of us are in the cellar as much as we are because we are either, A) not extroverts, or B) burned out extroverts.

if we were extroverts and had so much to say we would be talking to people around us, rather than tapping on a keyboard. I am a former extrovert who has been in sales for a very long time. i am just burned out and too tired to really take the time to get to know new people anymore. i enjoy my job very much, but i have found that i don't enjoy talking to people socially as much as i did before... voila! instant addiction to the cellar.

[wolf]

Stacey, he picked up your towel, but what did he do with his own?

[staceyv]

when I saw that the last post in this thread was made by wolf, I thought to myself "it'll be very short and sarcastic."
So I looked, and I was right. It made me smile. He always hangs his towel up right after he uses it. The time frame between him taking mine off the rod, showering and shaving must be too long for him to remember he took mine down.

and yes, I am overreactive. You guys are pretty smart.

[footfootfoot]

We all love staceyv.

We give her soul a foot rub.

[staceyv]

Arsen is so proud that his statement "you spit on my soul" has been remembered.
Isn't he poetic?
wow, I am really drunk right now. It took me 4 tries to spell poetic.

[limey]

Originally Posted by staceyv

Arsen is so proud that his statement "you spit on my soul" has been remembered.
Isn't he poetic?
wow, I am really drunk right now. It took me 4 tries to spell poetic.

So that's why xobruce asked me for a translation of it into Russian way back ....

[xoxoxoBruce]

Yeah, it was my sig line for a while.

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

I don't think anyone here is the authority on who you should or should not spend your life with.

wait a minute. I am. well, i'm an authority for me, anyway.

I think stacy and arsen fit well together. yin and yang. stacey's Ren to Arsen's Stimpy. 'you fat bloated eeediot!' just clean that fucking nasy ass apartment. what the fuck do you do when you have company?!

i want to see clean pictures up here by sunday morning, or im coming over there and spitting on both of your souls. or maybe we'll call one of those gay tv shows that come in and embarrass your ass on national cable tv. ?clean sweep? or some shit?

[zippyt]

Sick -em Jimbo !!!!!!!

[staceyv]

NO!! Don't call the gay guys!
We worked this thing out
Two days ago, Arsen gave me a debit card that had $200 on it (work bonus) and said "here, go buy yourself whatever you want, makeup, clothes, hey, I don't care if you buy $200 worth of steaks and wine, just make yourself happy"

So I cleaned the whole apartment by myself.

I don't know what will happen when it gets dirty again. Hopefully he'll throw some more money at me and I'll clean it to make him happy...

And thank you, LJ, for your faith in our relationship