Goodnight my little wolf

[DanaC]

Yeah. I don't think I am quite ready yet :p

But today feels a little better than yesterday. I'm thankful for that.

[Sundae]

I still dream about Dylan.
Then again, it's not like I got to say goodbye or had any confidence that he was either happy or beyond pain.

I usually dream I've found him and then get the old punch in the gut sensation when I wake up.

[DanaC]

I don't know how you cope with that. Except that you just do don't you, when it happens. It's a very different kind of loss. Abrupt and unsettled.

Sad as I am, I know I've been lucky.

[it]

question: do you think the dog took the place for some parental instincts that didn't get any place to express themselves?

(assuming you don't have kids, which i actually don't know come to think of it...)

[DanaC]

Oh definately. I never really wanted kids that much. Sort of thought I would at some point but never got to that point of wanting one 'now'. But I always wanted a dog. During the time I didn't have one.

No doubt the parenting instincts that would have been employed with children have been directed instead towards puppies. But I have always been more inclined to pups. So, yes, but not in a can't have kids so lavished attention on a pooch instead kind of a way.

[DanaC]

Can't believe it's a week tonight since I lost my Pilau. This week has been horrible. Yesterday all i could think about was him lay on the couch looking so very ill. At around 11 am i realised that it was exactly a week since his last 'walk'....not much of a walk, but his last nonetheless.

I thought I'd feel better as time passed, and I know I will...but I seem to be feeling worse each day in some ways. better in some, but so much worse in others.

Can't quite believe i'll never see him again. His presence in my house is fading. Still there, but not as easily accessed.

It's like a part of me has been ripped away. Silly I know. But there ya go.

[infinite monkey]

It's not silly, at all.

Hang in there.

[skysidhe]

sorry for your loss Dana....

[sexobon]

Dani, one of the things pets do for us is motivate us to do things we wouldn't otherwise do for ourselves like getting up and out regularly. Take yourself for short memorial walks to get some fresh air just as when Pilau used to walk you. ; ) It's not unlike walking in memoriam of dearly departed people to support research for improving our human condition (fundraising memorial walks). Do it so that Pilau's influence on you will continue to support your own condition until you've acquired the emotional capital to share those feelings again. Wishing you well.

[limey]

Sexobon has a great idea here, I think, Dani. Thinking of you

[DanaC]

Thanks. I'm struggling today.

I have been doing little walks for him. Only missed one day so far. Some days I've been with Mum and Dan for Dan's evening walk. Other days I've just taken the scenic route back from the shop, via the lane we used to walk a lot. Couple of times I've just gone out for a little walk.

And you're so right about the motivating. Every crisis or loss for the last 13 years, Pil's got me through. I'm trying to keep enough of a sense of him around me for him to be able help me through this too.

I feel like there's a very deep pool of depression just waiting and am trying not to let that happen.

[DanaC]

As is my way when dealing with stuff, i've been working on a poem. It's incomplete and also needs a little structural rejigging. Here's the work in progress:

It was an overcast day in Hull, when we first met.
Chocolate-box cute puppy you were.
There was never a choice to be made.
You fell asleep in my arms,
as the other pups played, and that was that.
You were ours now.

Then in such a short time,
we stepped onto the worry-go-round.
Emergency call-out vets,
And worried waiting rooms.
If someone had told me then,
That you’d be my best friend, til I was 40,
Or thereabouts,
I’d have had my doubts.
I’d have thought them mad.
But you made it to 13 years, my bonny lad.

And they were the best years.
The bird-chasing, carpet digging years.
The valley running, river splashing years.
They were the fun years , I think you’d agree.
You seemed to be having a nice time.
There was good food, and cuddles and playtime,
Surrounded by people who adored you,
And a brother who lived so near you,
You were never really apart. Even as old men,
with your raincoats, quiet nights and slow walks.

[jimhelm]

[Pete Zicato]

I'm so sorry to hear that this has come to pass, Dana. We had to put down our Shilah last year. It's always hard to say goodbye.

I still think I'm going to see her wagging her tail when I come in the door.

Peace be with you.

[ZenGum]

I'm sorry for this, Dana. You did everything for him that could be done. I admire you for this.

Some people say tears are your sadness getting out. Let them flow. In a while, you'll be ready for a new friend. Don't rush it, but don't resist it.

Rest In Peace, Pilau.